It’s not so bad anymore, but I still miss you.

You know those songs that you listen to when you’re kinda feeling nostalgic and slightly depressed, the kind that leave you wanting something deep in your heart? Well tonight is one of those nights where I replay all of those sweetly sad songs over and over. I’m pretty sure it’s a sort of emotional masochism, but whatever. We all have  those days where a little self-indulgent dwelling is the only thing to do.

I do miss him you know, pretty much all the time, and I’m pretty sure that I’ll never stop loving him. Lately I’ve been trying to turn that into a not-so-bad thing though. I’m trying to get into a mindset that lets me accept the fact that I love him (since I always will), but I can still move on and enjoy life without him. Everybody gets broken hearts, it’s pretty much unavoidable. The real test is who you let that pain turn you into, because there’s no doubt that it will change you. The question is, who do you let it change you into? Somebody who has loved, learned, and grown? Or a bitter, broken person, who can’t trust or love? I figure I’m going to try to be someone that I can be proud of. When I’m laying in bed, and my mind is replaying my day, I don’t want to regret a single thing.

One day I figure I’ll probably run into a few opportunities in the form of relationships that go a little deeper than friendship. I want to be able to grab those opportunities as a whole person, not the broken half of a couple. I want to just be me, I don’t want to be defined by tragedy (heh, that rhymed).

Alright, well this is my first post as a twenty year old who’s trying to heal. Goodnight whoever happens to be reading this. Unless it’s morning or afternoon for you, then good morning or good afternoon. Or good evening. Entirelytoolong. Bye.