Just Another Person, With No Meaning or Purpose

I was in my very first relationship, and things were so divine at first. He adored me, thought I was beautiful, and inspired me to see the good in life, and brought me such happiness. I grew to care about him so much, and became pretty close with his friends. I finally felt as if I belonged somewhere, and it was wonderful.

But then he started to really neglect me, and it really began to hurt me. He rarely contacted me throughout the day, and he hardly made time for me and him. After a while I felt as it I was prodding a dead corpse with a stick.

I decided that maybe if I spoke to him about it, he would sympathize with me, talk to me about it, and make an effort to save our relationship, turning back into the person he was when we both started dating. But no. That was not the case. He just immediately gave up, and said: “I think we should take a break…” I said if that was what he wanted, I would do it, and it would make me happy…So that was that, and he does not want me to talk to him for a while and let him live his life.

I literally feel as if I have been stabbed in the heart. I have lost someone very dear to me, and now all his friends are pretty much turned against me. I will have no one to spend time with, and every day I will have to face how lonely I am…

I know I should not want him back, but I do, and I hate myself for it, because he doesn’t want me anymore…But he is all I really had, it feels, and no one else will want me..Let’s face it, with this time period there is a great dearth of polite, caring and kind men, they are all so awful and I am going to just get further hurt if I try dating again…I don’t see the point.

I just want to die…I’ve lost so many people now, and have got no reason to live. I know I will be hurting the few that still care about me, but honestly, I just have to. I am only going to suffer more if I stay alive…I am not meant to be happy, or have anything good…