I have attempted suicide at least three times in life…mostly when I was going through those rough teen years. But at that time I believe it was a cry for help… I didnt understand why I was so sad all the time. Anyway time passed and now I am 26. I have been off and on anti-depressants and anxiety medicine…in and out of therapy…just a complete circus to fight off my feeling of emptiness and sadness. I must say I have been trying to fight the urges to end it all for a very long time ( 10 years). But just recently I realize my whole life is going to be a battle. I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying to give myself reasons to live? I dunno I’m just tired. Maybe I am suppose to stop fighting the urges…maybe they are there for a reason. I will always be unhappy… I know this now. it took a while to figure it out. I mean how is it 10 years later and I am still feeling the same hopeless feeling. I dont want to live like this and the pain the disappointment in my life just keeps getting worse. When I look back at my first sign of true sadness ( say the age 16) and then I look at my life now…its like wow ..this is what i stuck around for?
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6 comments
thats so me, even going through happy parts of my life i still had that feeling, so stupid, i’m still here now. don’t feel you are silly or whatever for still being here, because i feel the same way, even though i have felt this way for so long, i’m here, but really, i want to be gone, but i may have found someone to help us both, to give us something that will end everything, obviously will cost, but i’m willing to chance it, and use my test kit to test how pure it really is, and then tell all of you about it, depending on need.
No, that’s not what you stuck around for. You are here to make a difference but it starts with how you treat yourself. Don’t overwhelm yourself with the big picture. My only child did that, 18 years old, and now she’s dead, by suicide. Her depression clouded her ability to see the possibilities. I don’t have the answers for you, but I know we need you here. Don’t give up because you haven’t yet found what you’re looking for. I am truly sorry things have been so damn hard for you. But that doesn’t mean they always will be. I am rooting for you, with all my heart.
@lisarich – im sorry for your loss. i can only imagine what my parents would feel if or when i do commit suicide
@camel64- i know exactly what you mean. I’ve been living the same way. Ive been suicidal since i was 16 and im now 22. I can’t believe how fast the years have gone by and im still here. I guess somewhere deep down inside of me im still thinking things might get better but that outlook disappears once my suicidal and depressing thoughts come to mind.
I think the same way. Its like “wow, im still here after all the shit i experienced and felt for the past 7 years.” I basically stuck around to feel more depressed and suicidal. i know exactly how you feel.
Yep, I know how you feel as well. I have had some good times, but it always comes back to these feelings. I am now 43 with a wife and 4 kids. Somehow I had some time where I didn’t feel as bad as I do now. I feel so trapped. I can’t kill myself now. What would my kids do. I come home from work crying sometimes I hate my job so much. I feel like a failure in my career. I am not sure I am helping you. But you can keep going, I have. I’m just not sure why I keep going.
Damn we all feel like him, i feel the same exactly shit, is like i havent able to get out of all this misery and life jus keep given me more
@Lisa, what a bright light you are. The first lady I ‘ve been inspired by. Thank-you. Cheers!