I’m depressed. I feel like there’s no point to life. Am I wasting my time. Why am I here. Am I going to accomplish and fulfill my purpose. Materialistic things don’t even matter. You cant take them with you when you die. Suicide sits in the back of my mind. But what happens after that. Why am I not happy. Why am I always stressed out. Why do I not care about the people that love me. I’m searching for light in a room with no windows. Trapped in this box of emptiness. There’s no way out. Are drugs the answer. Is God the answer. Is God really there. Why don’t I feel him. I feel like every choice I make is just gonna lead me to a dead end. I’m so lost. I feel nothing. God save me. What am I doin here. I feel like I have no purpose. Like everything I do is just a waste. What am I good for. I sit here lonely looking for the answer. I think about ways I could kill myself. Is this bad. Am I just craving attention. Is college a waste of time. Is music a waste of time. Am I a good drummer. Am I attractive. Why don’t I have a girlfriend. Does it even matter. If I cant love myself how can I love someone else. I have all theses questions but no answer. I’m sad. Do people even care about me. Is cutting the answer. Should I commit suicide. Will I go to hell. Does it even exist. If God loves why do I feel like this. Society is so corrupt. This world is so corrupt. My thoughts are so corrupt. How do I find happiness. What if I don’t feel like giving God my life. I hate to read. I don’t like to pray. I don’t want to be prayed for. I don’t want to be a babied. I feel like everything I do is wrong in God’s eyes. I repent only to sin again. What’s the point. This whole thing is stupid and doesn’t make sense. My friends say that they love me. But why don’t I care. I’m driving down the road from work. I’m speeding. I unbuckle my seatbelt. I wrap it around my neck. I put my feet on the dash. I aim straight for a tree. Am I dead. Did I accomplish my goal. Am I in heaven. Am I in hell. Am I in neither. Or am I just dead. Why do I choose to run away from my problems. They will always still be there. I’m in the middle of nowhere. Its dark. Black. There are many paths in front of me. Which one do I take. Does it matter. They all lead to hell. Why do I even care. This is hell. Sad. Dark. Depressed. Empty. Lonely. Far away. Lost. Distant. Carelessness. Black. Falling. Pain. Giving up. Hate. Weak. Angry. Questions. Numb. Scared. Why. Pissed. Suicide. Unforgiving. Cut. Dead. Backward. Useless. Bitter. Selfish. Unhappy. Lies. Kill. God. Satan. Angels. Demons. Earth. Family. Death. Pointless. Friends. Love. Test. Church. Forget. Heart. Pills. Fire. Emo. Music. Drugs. Life. My only question is why. Why do I want to die?
2 comments
You are the only pearson who can answear that.
We all stressed out sometime’s chill try not to be so
deep. Focus on the thing’s in life that you like.
Holy shit, nobody will tell you that you dont put your periods after your sentences.
The feelings that you are describing are perfectly curable. I dont mean through a shrink but through undertaking actions, changing life style and commitment. Certainly, if you lie on the ground, head against the tree waiting for the apples to fall, existence is definitively a slow motion thing.
I think the advices that blackwert gave you are correct. The important thing is not that you can be feeling like that now, which is normal sometimes in life, what matters is that you realise that that is not a permanent state of being, which can change if something drastic or extremely nice, like a girlfriend for example, turned up.
Myself I dont believe in god, but I find a tremendous happiness in being able to help people in need. To my disgrace, I am often so poor that i can hardly feed myself, and then that adds to my frustration, but precisely the great interest that I have in helping others is what pulls me out to do something myself, like finding a job instead of living off my savings. So, if you focus on others instead of looking at your umbilical hole, you would not feel miserable.
Regards
O