My semester one exams are coming up in 3 weeks. I have loads of pending work. I don’t understand anything. I’m just so stressed right now and combined with my depression and anxiety I feel suicide is my only option. Alot of you on here seen to be managing – even if it is one day at a time- so please. Some advice on how to stop myself from killing myself?
Thanks for reading. Replies would really be appreciated. Thanks.
33 comments
Oh–suicide must never be your only option. Nothing NOTHING is ever worth killing yourself over. See a counselor, and if you need time off from school, take it. Your precious life must always be your top priority.
I want you to live.
You deserve to live.
There is hope and help.
School is only but one part of your life. You should never let school take over your life. Doing well on an exam is an accomplishment, but at the risk of your health? or at the risk of sacrificing something more valuable? It won’t be the end of the world if you don’t do well in a class, just try your best. If you put in all the effort you can, and you have no regrets, then whatever happens will happen. Hope that helps.
Hey vmy19, I doubt this will work for you since you’re already overloaded, but my day-to-day recipe for staying alive is to bury myself in helping others. Total strangers. It makes me forget what a piece of rot my own life is.
But in your case, school, I remember that too. If it’s truly a matter of life or death… drop out. Just wrap up this semester, fail a few classes if necessary, but take a break after that. Get a job in a coffee shop like I did and just get away from all the stress & BS of school for a while.
I nearly killed myself a few times during finals week. Now I look back and think that would’ve been a real waste. I dropped out for 2 years and it was probably the best 2 years of my life. If things get really bad for you, give it a shot. I mean really, weigh the options: fail a few courses… or DIE?
Thanks for all the replies.
Lisarich: I’m doing distance education because I’ve recently moved countries. It’s kind of like homeschooling so there are no school counselors. I’d live to take time off school but that’s not an option, whereas suicide is.
Jpl613:I wish I could try my best but I find my need for perfection makes it seem so hard to just try because I know I’ll fail.
Scooby: I try helping others but sometimes I feel that I’m actually just trying to please others. I use to work in a cafe but I’ve moved to a different country and can’t get a job here. You said you dropped out- was this high school or college? I feel that if I drop out, my life will truly go nowhere and I’ll just be back to where I am now- suicidal and wishing death.
Hey vmy, yup my dropout was in college, so it was a lot easier than what you’re looking at.
About your situation… I’m just guessing based on how well you write… you’re probably one of the best students and you feel the pressure of maintaining great grades? Flunking out will destroy everything you’ve worked so hard to accomplish? That’s definitely a tricky spot.
With me, I started out as an A student but slowly went downhill. In high school I was one of those 4.0 dorks but my senior year was so bad I ended up graduating with barely a B average. College continued my downward trend and by my 2nd year, it was drop out or fail out.
But in your case, if you’re still getting decent grades, you’re almost obligated to keep trying. I know you don’t want to hear that!
You mentioned you’re in a foreign country. Are there any fun, new places you can visit just to clear your mind? Like Big Ben or the Coliseum or the Pyramids or anything? Some sort of healthy distraction… preferably a public one where you can literally get a bigger picture. And just remember your stress WILL end. Whether it’s graduation or flunking out, something will eventually happen to change things for you 🙂
In Australia, high school is year 7-12. In year 6, I took a test and got into a selective school -it’s pretty prestigious and the works really hard- I’ve always gotten really good grades but after year 9, everything went downhill. I got by year 9 surprisingly with nearly all a’s but once year 10 hit, I barely scraped through. I moved cities on a music scholarship but that just added pressure. Year 10 was a pretty crappy year for me. I was absent from school half the time. I’m in year 11 now and feel like I’m barely going to make it through the year. My grades are fairly decent but I can’t seem to get the motivation to keep trying.
I recently went San Francisco or the Easter holidays but ended up just pissing my mum off. She wanted to go to the golden gate bridge but I didn’t want to- It was because I thought it would be too tempting to just jump off. She got really annoyed and thought what a waste of a holiday. I thought California would be domehat “fun” but i was proved wrong.
*somewhat
Autocorrect on my phone is really dodgy =\
Oh that sounds painful. But you’re almost there….. jeez I know the feeling, though. When you run out of motivation, even if your goal is an inch away, you can’t get there.
Well, let’s focus on this music thing. What instrument do you play? If you got a scholarship you must be pretty good at it. The reason why I’m so interested is because I am—or used to be—a music producer (one of the reasons why I keep bugging FTS to put his poems to music, if you’re listening FTS!)
Anyway, I’ve seen musical careers change so many peoples’ lives. I’m not even talking about famous rockstars, but just the act of playing music gives people the juice to keep living. If you enjoy playing music, maybe you can use that as a dream to pursue after you graduate. I might even be able to help you in that respect.
About the Golden Gate Bridge… funny you should mention that. I had the same fears when I went to SF. I ended up not going to the bridge, but instead I went to some quiet little pier on the bay. Even that was terrifying… I had to stay far away from the rail because I knew the wrong impulse could send me over. It’s too bad your trip to SF was a dud. I bet it could be a fun place if you were in the company of people who understood you.
I play piano, guitar and french horn. I use to love to play, but not any more. What kind of music did you produce? I’m guessing FTS is firsttimesurvivor. I’ve seen some of his poems – they’re very good. His words have that musical quality and his words sums up what alot of people on this site feel.
As for pursuing music as a career- when I was in primary school, I thought I’d be a musician or something spontaneous like that, but I don’t think I could do that now. It’s too impulsive? As in you never know what’s next. In a 9-5 job you know you’re going to go to work and do something but with music, you never know when you’ll compose something great or when you might perform next.
I suppose although the trip was a bit “off” it was good to see more of the world.
gotta say…. I’m in that non 9-5 thing… it can be very difficult…. not knowing when or if that next time is coming…. I would encourage people to try something that is different, but I know from personal experience it isn’t for everyone…. my “job” …. is seasonal and extremely dependent on good weather….. just never know from one day to the next…. can be very stressful but it is also very liberating…. I have the freedom to do what ever I want almost every day…. it’s what allows me to be on this forum all day long….
thanks for the kind words about the writing…. I’ve never really shared any of it before…
Keyboard, stringed instrument & brass… nice combo! you’ve got all the bases covered. Did you ever play in an orchestra or band?
The music I produce(d) was mostly rock. This was about 10 years ago. I haven’t done a thing in ages but it would be nice to get back into it one day.
I think music is a great part-time job for anyone who has the talent. I know a lot of people who trudge thru a 9-5 job and on weekends jam with a group. It inspires a lot of people to make it thru the week. So you can have both. I say go for it, or at least keep playing on your own. You never know when that skill might come in handy!
Firsttimesurvivor: first of all, I’ve been reading your poetry and I think they’re so beautiful. Your words are so genuine and melodic. I think you’d make a great musician.
What’s your job?
Scooby: I’ve been in a philharmonic orchestra, concert band, wind orchestra and a rock band.
How did you end up producing music?
I think if I were to pursue music, I’d go for a more relaxed stance. As in, I wouldn’t play for grades or money, but rather for fun – because I’m pretty sure I need more of that.
Yeah FTS has a real knack for rhythm & rhymes… he’d make a great lyricist or singer.
Wow vmy, so you’ve done it all. Which of those performing groups was your favorite?
With me, I always loved rock music & dreamed of being a rock star. Whether it was lack of talent or lack of guts, I never truly went for it. But instead I always hung around with musicians & eventually worked in a studio & learned the ropes. It’s so fun in a recording studio… like you said earlier about a secret getaway where you can shut out the world… literally there are thick walls & soundproofing, and it blocks out all the “noise” of the outside. So anyway I became an audio engineer and eventually produced an album or 2. Nothing big at all, just local groups, but like you said… it’s never for money. It’s purely fun. I don’t think I ever made a penny of profit, but that what makes it feel so much more genuine.
Well that’s my ramble. It may not work for you, but playing/recording music has helped so many people I know. And with today’s technology you can do a lot of it in the privacy of your own bedroom. Just buy (or steal) some software and buy (or steal) a microphone, and you can do anything the “pros” can do if you have the talent!
Unfortunately you’d still need that 9-5 job to pay the electricity bills…
Thanks both of you… I enoy music… listening to it…. but have never played and sing like Cher evidently 🙂
If I told you what I did for a living you probably wouldn’t believe it and then you would wonder why I’m here… actually what I do for a living, isn’t making me a living….. which is why I’m here….. my financial situation has me buried deeper than Al Capone… or better yet, deeper than Hell itself….. and left me with only one way out….my garage.
Hmm, now this is turning into a fun mystery. So you once worked for Microsoft, meaning you probably have a very technical mind. But then you mentioned your current job depends highly on the weather. And you live in the Rockies.
I got it: you’re a seismologist???
ha ha ha …. if I were a seismologist… my size would be extra small…..
what I have been doing for the last 8 years…. TRYING to make a living at…. most people would wonder how I could ever be depressed…. and actually, what I’m trying to make a living at… is the coolest most fun thing I’ve ever done… it’s the only thing that has ever fulfilled me…
but that opportunity is going away….. I am no longer going to be able to do my lifes calling…. so….. I think I will go away as well
scooby: I like being in a rock band the best. Mostly because I was with my friends and it was so laid back. For the orchestras, I needed to practice continuously and that wasn’t much fun =\
Btw, do you play any instruments?
Firsttimesurvivor: I’m now really curious as to what you do for a living! But I really do hope things get better for you in terms of your financial situation.
i agree totally, music is a great thing to clear your head and to cheer you up, obviously the right songs. others can obviously bring you down, but i feel at the same time they make you think, and if you can relate even better, you know someone ut there feels the same and is telling you in one of the best mediums there is.
and as you have all said you all seem to play instruments or have a passion for music, i do find it helps playing guitar and writing music, i got a small home studio, i play guitar, bass, keyboard, slight drums but usually use loops and smaples to put into my music. i have said on here before, and as you guys like rock you may like it, the album ‘what to do when you’re dead’ by ‘armor for sleep’ very good concept album, and i’d say we all relate to it in some way.
Bamuel: just finishing downloading the album- great stuff 🙂
Most definitely can relate to it on some level.
You’re so right about the the different moods different songs can put you in.
Have you heard of the band Bon Iver? I think some of their music’s really great for those quiet times.
Also, you sound very musically talented! 🙂
it is a good album, make sure you have the hidden track at the begining and the itunes bonus track at the end, lol. my 3rd fav band RIP to them, lol.
yeah, i do find it very easy to relate to.
yeah i have, i can’t remember now which song it was that i really liked, i think i heard it on idobi radio on itunes, good station.
yeah i have a list on my itunes of mellow songs and then another of quite down songs, for those special ocasions, lol.
And i wish i was still into making music, i was getting right back into it recently, but now i can’t be bothered with it, although i have had my acoustic guitar out today. so thats something. so you’re in a band now? or were?
RIP to them as in they disbanded?
Haha I have tons of playlists of my iPhone that are labelled like “can’t wake up” feeling sorry for myself” etc lol
You can always get back into music. Music just seems to be one of those things that float around you waiting to be caught.
But great to here you picked up your guitar today!
Haha I’m not in a band anymore. I moved countries recently. That also means moving schools so I’m not doing much orchestral stuff because distance education doesn’t have that kind of crap (I’m in year 11).
yeah they split, was glad i got to see them before they did, twice in a week. went to give it a name 08′ then they did a show with a couple bands from the tour (finch and envy on the coast) at a little show a couple days after. was good.
my favourite bands are senses fail (really relate to like all those songs, lol) and brand new. you like any of them? lol.
i did lose intrest after leaving my last band, we parted on bad terms really and in the process lost my best mate, so sort of just played now and again, but wasn’t as bad as i am now, not writing at all.
oh that sucks, but could find new people in your new town who want to do the same thing as you, good thing you are still young, you have time to find a band and to get some good stuff out there, have your 15minutes and all, lol. you say year 11, so i assume you’re in the uk?
It’s funny you mention brand new- I have one of their songs (Jesus Christ) on my iPod. Very melancholic song -maybe that’s why I like it lol
In a way, I guess you could take that experience and turn it into a great song when you’re up to it.
Haha unlikely I’ll find people in my new town. I’ve moved to Indonesia – I can barely speak the language! But I do distance education so I get my school work sent from Australia (lived there originally)
yeah, i like melodic songs, very simple to play, but have a great impact. actually i played that today on the acoustic, lol, that and the boy who blocked his own shot, and play crack the sky. very brand newy, ha.
yeah i know, i do have songs wrote, recorded and mixed, just the odd ones without vocals, but really havn’t had the motivation to finish them.
Ah australia, yeah i can imagine it would have been easier there, lol. what did you move for? have to move away when you’re 18 or 21, save up for it.
Sometimes, when you leave a song unfinished, and then get back to it sometime later, it can be much better than if you had finished it then- more ideas, more experiences to incorporate.
I most probably moved because I have a habit of running away from my problems… But recently, these problems have caught up with me, hence, the turning to suicide for an answer.
I’m 15 now- can’t wait till I’m 18. If I make it to 18, I’m going to pack up all my stuff and just leave.
you seem older than 15, i thought year 11 would ahve made you 16, obviously a july/august bday like me. i wasn’t 16 till i’d left school. you seem older anyway. so who is it you are living with there?
yeah i guess, most good songs take a while to write, i know bands that took 5 years to release a song, i don’t really have that time though, i’m 25 in july, thats like half my life, lol.
you are still young, you got time, wait and see what you can do with your life when you have the freedom, it can and will make all the difference.
I started school early- all my friends are 16-17.
But thanks-
I’m living with my mum. She’s Indonesian so all her family’s there so she loves it.. Me.. Not so much…
Aww, 25s not old. Half your life is like 35.
But I am really hoping I make it long enough for freedom.
Btw, where are you from?
that could be why, don’t want to grow up too fast, that could be why you feel the way you do. believe me, my real names adam and as my song says “16 just held such better days” have to make the most of those years, don’t grow up too fast. lol.
You don’t get on with the family then? I’m of irish descent, so i wouldn’t mind if i had to go there, lol, more reason to drink jamesons :D.
25 for me, the way i live my life, lol. i’ll be lucky to reach 30. people say that, but i mean it, lol.
Yeah, 18 you could travel anywhere, meet anybody, do anything, just save up for it.
I’m from england. born and raised.
It’s not that I don’t get along with them, it’s just I don’t like them always wanting to know what’s up with me. They seem to associate depression with craziness (in a way, it does drive you crazy) and always look at me and go, “what happened to her? She use to be so smart and pretty- look at her now.”
I think I’d be lucky if I reach 18!
In Australia, I got a part time job in a cafe- saved around $2000. If I make it, I’m taking that money, packing up my things, and going to try to start again.
Anyways, great talking to you- must say, you have good taste in music!- but it’s hitting 1am here and I’ve got to go to try to sleep.
Hope to see you around on the site – but hopefully not in a bad way lol
yeah i know what you mean, must be anoying, you can’t help how you feel, it’s not easy when people don’t understand, i know that. it’s worse if you try and explain but they don’t listen.
well i think you should, you got something to live for, you got that money, and a few years (i know, sounds alot, especially if everyday feels like it’s been a week, but at the end of it, ou can get away, start new, and you would still be young, and have lots to see and do.
ha yeah it’s only 7:15pm here. yeah, good talking to you too, glad i could introduce a new band to you. download their other 2 albums and EP, lol.
yeah, i do come on here alot, so i’m sure i’ll see you