The first time it was more of a half assed attempt, I truely wanted to die and tried to suffocate myself. I tried with everything I had but I panicked in the end. I’m buying a lot of generic drugs hoping it’ll numb out the pain when I slash my wrist completely open. I hope that I die from the blood loss…I really don’t have any better ideas and I don’t know if I even have enough willpower to harm myself like that. I don’t think it’s necessarily the fear of death that might prevent me from doing so, but the fear from the physical pain, the fear of surviving and someone finding out which would make my life even more of a hell than it already is. I also fear of not being able to have the things I want after I die which is why I’m also afraid to move on from life.
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Fear of that which man has sought after since the beginning of time…what is at the end. No one knows, all we can do is wonder. I know how you feel..I’m afraid of the pain and panicking on the end…I’m afraid of second thoughts. Unless it’s quick i think people have that panicking moment in which they second guess themselves and the instinctive will to live takes over. You are not alone…
P.S. I love the user name (:
Please don’t do it. I know it’s hard, but you can work some more to make things better.
Yeah, you’re right, unless it’s quick I’m likely to panic. I wish I had a way to make it instantaneous and painless, but I don’t have that luxury. I’ve thought about various ideas regarding as to what comes after, I just hope that one of them are true.
And no I can’t, it’s been far too long and far too painful. I think this quote sums up how I feel about it even if it was meant as a joke.
“Life is like a movie, if you’ve sat through more than half of it and its sucked every second so far, it probably isn’t gonna get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early.â€
I know you feel like there is no hope, but there is. You can get help. Keep talking to people.
Cutting your wrists is a bad idea. It works in the movies, but seldom in real life. I would suggest people, do your research. My first advice though would be to get some professional help, meds, and give it time to work. That’s the main thing. Time can help depression, especially with the help of the right doctors and the right medications.
I have neither of those options, I can’t even successfully do anything for my own benefit. No one has helped me for as long as I can remember even when I asked.
Well, not necessarily my wrists, but there are fairly important veins on my arm and I’m sure I’d die from the blood loss if I could muster the courage to harm myself directly like that.