I’m a unique snowflake in the middle of the Sahara

I can’t blame anyone for this but goddamn human culture focuses on human relationships. I’m pretty big into all forms of art but all it ever is is people in love. Paintings of lovers or female nudes. Stories of falling in and out of love. Songs about relationships. And even when those relationships are failing all I can think is how lucky those people are that they can at least enter into relationships. I’m 29 and a lifelong professional and personal failure who has never had a love interest; never had any woman who has cared for me romantically or has desired me in any way. Even my mother doesn’t REALLY care for me. At this point I have to think that even if I put on a confident face and try new things I’m doomed to be alone. I have some programming error or I’m lacking in pheromones or some such problem exists in me that I’m not going to be able to correct. People will say they’re natural loners and prefer to avoid human contact but I know if they wanted to they could secure affection. I cannot and I so desparately want to (but my fucking ego still exercises standards. How do I think so lowly of my own self but still think people aren’t up to par for me!) Right now the only thing keeping me alive is the fact that I’m used to this life of horror and I wouldn’t be used to death; the devil that I don’t know and all that. I’m trapped in what I am and I don’t want to be that. It’s freeing in a way that I can do whatever I want and it won’t affect things one whit but what’s the use of freedom if it is freefall?