Isolation has beat me.

I was suicidal years ago..and thought it was gone for good.  I’m 3oish  now and it has returned.  I have found that I can not be Independent.  When faced with making friends,  I must be  too self infatuated to make any.  Isolation has destroyed me.  It has beaten me, I put in such a good fight and sustained my body and mind for so long…or have I.  I smoked so much weed during the time I felt I wasn’t depressed…just vegged out and played video games.  These addictions only covered it.  I must have been depressed this whole time.  I just found a way to avoid its demise.  Now…isolation you have won!  I can no longer take it..I will finish this semester and end myself.  The irony is I talk to people…but..I’m isolated from them..how?  I will announce it publicly in 2 weeks…a few hours prior…and say good bye..permanently.  It’s not because I don’t feel people care about me..i know people do, it’s just i’m so…i don’t want to say different because there are people like me..who are different but similar to myself…it’s more of an isolation…it’s the only way to describe it…alone…lonely…isolation has beat me.