getting better..for now..

As much as it’s getting better, I still hate my life..

I mean I try so hard to think of reasons to live, but it’s always "hope for a good life ahead of me," or "hope that things will get better." Now I have reasons to live. I have no idea what’ll happen when school comes around though.

• I have a friend I talk to on the internet and she is the greatest person in the world. We’ll probably never meet but I’m so lucky to have her as a friend.
• I’m slowly gaining control of my eating because I know that even though it fills my emptiness and all that, it makes me feel guilty afterwards. And I’m slowly becoming the health freak that I am. It’s been two days already and I haven’t completely lost myself and pigged out.
• I’m flying to Canada in a month to stay with my aunts for about a month. I really need to get away from all of this crap here. Plus I can cross off "go on a plane" on my bucket list. And even if everything goes terrible at least I’ll be in Canada for a while and that will make me happy.
• And finally I’m painting my room this summer. The walls are gonna be a darkish grey, I can’t wait to get rid of those pukey lavender walls.

I’m just worried for school. I don’t want next year to be like the last, it was the worst year of my life. Because I still have no friends at school and I’ll never have friends..I made a friend at the end of the school year, but I can’t get over my paranoia that everyone pretends to like me. So maybe I just have to accept the fact that I’ll never have friends.

I’m gonna be a loner.

Forever..

But maybe I’m ok with that…