Realization had just hit me like a buliding collasping on me. If i die would i be happy? No i wont cause if i die im just more worst then i was before. I will be more than just scum. I wouldnt be happy. I would still be suffering even more than before. I be left with gulit on my grave. I would be suffering from the fact that i left everyone. Even if im dead i still feel like i want to kill myself. What the fuck is wrong with me. Why am im like this. Although i do want to kill myself. That doesnt slove any of my problems. I would still be suffering when im dead. I doubt people will forget about me after the next 3 years. I got decent parents. I got decent friends. If i throw away my life. Then thats my fault. Its my fault that i am a screw up. Its my fault that i screw up everyone elses life. If i do kill myself… then what would happen next. Excatly nothing just fucking nothing. I would laying in the ground fucking decaying. All im going to do is rot rot and will be forgotten. So i must fucking suck it up, suck it up and fucking suffer the rest of my miserble life.
3 comments
Hey you are no failure for wanting to die. You are a failure if you do not turn your life around and I understand it is going to take time. I have not completely turned my life around and still trying and it is hard as hell but that right there proves you are a good person because you care so much about people you do not want to hurt them with your death even though you are in massive pain.
i really dont care for people at all. People are liers. You cant trust them. Im not doing this for them that is the last thing on my list. Im doing this cause realization hit me. Im trying hard but im not strong enough to try harder. Who knows one day i might just break and really end my life or injury myself. Who knows.
Your consciousness will continue when you cross over. The state you enter the after life is the emotional/Spiritual/emotional state you leave this realm.
It’s hard for sure. When you can get yourself feeling better while in a body, it makes the next stage easier…otherwise, the work still has to be done, though you have help on the other side. There is no judgment, only the judgment you place on yourself. The vibration of love is what is needed for you to improve….baby steps. Good luck.