I will fight….

I often feel alone, and cold. I always have an idea to kill myself at hand. My life just isn’t worth living to me, It’s worth living to other people. To my girlfriend, and her grandma. They’re my family in my eyes, I love them. If something were to happen to them, I would have nothing to live for. I’m in grade 9 I feel like a useless piece of Sh*t dropout and it’s all I’ll ever be. I want to go back to school next year, but it’s just so hard. I can’t stop thinking about her, about Haley. When she was here I was doing okay in school, she would tell me to do my homework, and that I’ll pass. But I just couldn’t do it after she left ten months ago. My whole family has drug problems, mostly with meth, and hers with coke. Some people have cleaned up, but some people in her family around her still havn’t. I know and she doesn’t I feel like every time I think about it I die a little more inside.  The other day I found out my girlfriend tried to kill herself. She has a heart defect and she took all her moms anti-deppressants it could of killed her. If it would have, I wouldn’t be here saying this to you right now…. I know this isn’t a healthy relashinship, but I can’t stop fighting for it. I love her to bits and even though once I cheated, she took me back. It’s no excuse, but I just felt so alone once an opprutunity came I didn’t know what to think I just took it. I still have guilt to this day about it. And even though she lives 10 hours away I still love her, I’m someone who holds to my word I would never leave her. I’m going to see her in two weeks. I’m not really sure why I wrote this, maybe, it will show somebody someday, that even though something seems, hopeless, and it causes so much pain, it can worth fighting for. I would walk through the thorns to get the perfect rose; I would fight till the end.