I am not really sure what to say, but I guess i am here to tell my story.
Obviously i was born in the wrong time and on the wrong place.
I wouldn t be here if i was happy.
Actually I had an amazing life, and i wasn t bothered so much with the fact that i live in a small town and in a small country.
It s so incredible how in one moment u can have everything and in the other u can have nothing. I lost a lot of things in these past months.
I would really like to put all the blame on someone else but the worst part is there’s no-one else to blame but me.
I am 18, and don t have a clue how to work this out. I want to live, but i can t find a reason to stay alive.
I was suffering from depression since i was 12. I tried to kill myself several times in many different ways. I also use to cut myself, which made my younger sister do the same. She also tried to kill herself because we had i fight and i told her some terrible things. But luckily my mother saved her.
Somehow i made it through, but i yesterday i did it again, i tried to kill myself. I don t see any other way out.
I don t have anyone to talk to, i lost all my friends cause of my pessimistic visions and cynicism.
My heart aches when i see them, they just pass by without any hello.
I also threw away the only love i ever knew, and now he is happy with someone else.
So the only way out was to go to college and move away from this town, to find new people. I put a lot of effort in this college(medicine) and yesterday i found out i didn t get in. That break me and my parents. They were very supportive and they put a lot of money in my preparations. you can t imagine how disappointed they were. My mom was starring at me and she almost told me i was stupid, she didn t have to i could see it in her eyes.
I have nothing. So i think i am going to do this, tomorrow. I won t be able to hurt anyone or dissapoint anyone.
I need help.
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3 comments
i get that, i have also lost everything the past few months, gf, friends, ambition, motivation. ive been trying to keep going, just using alcohol tbh to clear my head. i feel ive let people down all the time. ive stopped writing music, which was a daily thing for me, however today i actually wrote something, sort of, and am actually thinking of recording it tonight, so who knows. i guess if you can atleast hold onto one thing, just one thing thats important to you, it might be enough to keep you going, and get your strength back.
i no what you mean when everything fks up nothing is right in life anymore but you just need to remember people do love you never forget that
i have my own personal experiences. A suicidal experiences. I know how it feels to loose hopes. I know how you guys feel about loosing everything and seems like nothing go your way. I’ve been there before. @Bamuel: You like writing musics? thats great dude. I’m an artist myself. I love writing and playing instruments. If thats the one thing you think can give you strength then use it to be a great motivation to continue living. You’re doing great. Write songs from your heart and let that song speaks the truth of how you feel inside and how you want life to look for the future. Your tongue is powerful use it to speak life and not death dude.
@Lucy: I know the feeling of being a failure to your parents or maybe your family. I’m not the smartest one out there. I didn’t finish High school. And i had to tell my parents why i didn’t wanna be in school anymore. You know how disappointed they were? It was pretty tough on them. I was embarrassed. I didn’t wanna tell my friends that my high school diploma was paid for. Yeah. So i know how you feel. I still suffer the consequences of my decision in the past.
My Big brother had a dream that i would never made it through 18. I am 28 years old now. Do i hate my brother for telling me his dream 14yrs ago? NO. because my attitude was to NEVER GIVE UP on life. Life dont have a manual book you can read whenever you face a trouble or difficulties. You’ve heard people says: “everything happens for a reason”! one thing they always forget to add there is the reason is always for “the better” It may not necessarily right away. First: you have to find your purpose in life. and believe in that purpose and run after it and never look back. Trust me. I found my reason and never look back to my suicidal days. I still remember those days but those days doesn’t rule my life any longer. I’d give you my secrets if you wanna know. But you have to be willing to do exactly as i tell you if you want life to get better. Here is my email address pforrensy@gmail.com email me if you needs someone to talk to or just someone to give you that a little push for you to live another day. Have a great day and hope to hear from you soon. You too bamuel! you can hit me up.
-fo-