Headaches, Tears, and Suicide Dreams

I have this headache. It feels like someone used a huge hammer and hit me as hard as they can against my head. I dont feel to well. I feel like i need to vomit or something. Tears nothing but tears. Not from the pain. Not from the sufferage. Its.. i just dont know. Oh why does this headache not killing me to death. I just have the urge to stab myself repeatly with a knife. I just want to bleed out that red. I dont know when but i really want to die. I just… dont know what to do anymore. Rip out my skin one flesh at a time.I want to drown so much. Having the feeling of cold water surrounding me. Maybe have three or four cuts on both of my wrist. Having the feeling of the water filling the lungs. I know it can be painful but i dont care i just dont care. As long as im not here i really dont care how i die. I know im leaving everyone behind, but this is my choice. Who said i wanted to live. I can die when i want to. My opinion. My escape plan. Im sorry if God doesnt want me to die like that but i never ask god to make me alive havent i? All i want is to drown and have God forgive me for my actions that i will cause. v- v