I saved so many, but cant safe myself

Hello.

It is 26 July, my name is Harry, it is my real name. I respect all the readers of this story, so I`ll be honest and upfront with you. I am from a black past,  no family, no one who cares for me. I am 34 years now, and look back on a extreme hard life where I had to pay for everything myself from off the moment I was a child. I am raised by the state, in a church institution,  and was learned everything the hard way, the assumed I was going to become a bad boy. I got extra attention cause of this fear.  I escaped my ” prison ” when i was 15 and never came back to there. I worked and waited until old enough for military enlisting.  I kept traveling through Holland/The Netherlands to find jobs everywhere and got pretty handy in it. My efforts where appreciated, and I managed pretty good to stay out of any sort of trouble at all. One time the police picked me up when i was 16 years old, they brought me back to the front door of the home I escaped from. They staid in the car, I toke the door to the Garden, not to the Main Entrance and ran as fast as I could back into freedom.

I am 34 now, I look back on a pretty amazing time. I served In France as a Legionnaire,  Managed to work in a circus, perhaps I have seen a few of you readers enjoy my work, traveled for companies to sell their products, and finally made my first 100.000,00 online with my own company, bought a farm and renovated it, far away from Holland, emigrated to it, and wanted a peaceful life, alone with my memories and idea and work in silence.

Problem is, my happiness would have been guaranteed as long I would have ignored a women who hooked me into marriage. I am telling you, I am the All Bundy, and I am suffering while being married with 1 Child. Until 3 months after the birth of our first son, everything was normal and acceptable. My wife changed half way this year, she became verbal aggressive, and started to sum up a list of fake mistakes. A list of women I should have sleep with, and a list of items I never have given to her yet she has those.

Also I am punished by a other thing. My wife lies all the time.

This is where it all goes wrong, my wife is a Platonic liar, and she says she has no problems with it, others seem to have it. My wife also lies to my friends here, to her own family, but sometimes, when I cant take it anymore ( 3 years marriage now) I let her fall in her own trap, and let someone pay for it. Her family has fallen many times for her lies, yet, they seem to know her better then I, cause they are still talking to her, even after the numerous fights she started with them, using my name in those fights, while not even telling me anything, and then telling lies about me.

She told her parents she got beaten by me, yet, I never raised a hand to a women in my whole life, and carrier. My object of targets where always the MALE, a female is defenseless for me, and for that reason I do not even consider beating up a women. My wife knows this, and has told me many times she will make her own blue spots and call dad then.

She told her parents I was responsible for lies that actually happened before I even knew her. Do not ask me how she managed to sell this to her parents, but she did. I was stunned when she told me this with a Smile and a Look like a teacher that says ” I knew you did not studies, that is  a F my friend ” and she enjoyed to say on the end ” My dad hates you now ”

Ask me why I have never acted on anything of this, and all the 100.000 lies I have kept away from this posting? Simple, I cant fight someone who lies. And No, Before She married me, she sold me the perfect lie. She is a doctor, yet, never worked in her life 1 day. Not even passed her internship, 28 now, and yet, everyone in the street has to call her Doctor, cause this is what people need to do to her she told me, respect me, or you are scum for me. You have to understand, my wife changed so fast, I do not even know her anymore.

She now enters the last phase, tell your husband he is not a good dad, and her dad ( my father in law ) will be my re-placer.  My company has suffered a huge loss in the last 6 weeks, she is blackmailing me on various ways. I am a trained soldier who has worked under extreme stressed situations, and I have been rewarded for life for this, but I see in my wife no enemy, I refuse to fight her.

She made everyone around me believe I am the person who makes fights. But when I come home today with pampers for my son, she is asking me why I am 10 minutes later as expected, I explained her my tires needed air, and I was at the gas station a little longer. Then she breaks out in aggression, and I cant even remind me, so long it was, but I told her on the end I had to go away from her what way ever, I did not care, cause My son is crying cause of his mother being stressed, shouting, and actually trying to become a victim again.

a little sum up

My wife turned into a Platonic liar, 1001 lies, those who have lived with one not respecting the truth might know the humiliation I have been through, the loss of trust and the problems of rebuilding it, while actually your partner DEMANDS to get your trust back under the trademark of marriage.  She is mother of my son, and yet, she acts to him also a little aggressive ( I shame myself while typing this, cause I cant do nothing )

As soon I do anything, from slightly suggestive to openly giving honest feedback, everything results in a fight from her to me. She runs out of the house with kid under the arm, goes to our God Fathers, and complain to them about me, how I have abused her. My only help in this is that these people found out she lies to them about some things, and they have told her she was not welcome anymore to their house. My wife told me they blackmailed her for money, money I needed to pay for an operation. My wife told me she defended me and made a fight. Truth is, they never asked her for help, she offered her help, then discovered I had no ” Free Cash in my wallet ” for obvious reasons, and told them that I refused to help my wife, and I told my wife my God parents health issues where no issue for me.

Lie after lie…. I discover the whole street has own experiences with my wife, I never knew about this. Anyway, she told me with a proud voice last week she takes my son to meet his new father, Her Father, the father who always abused her, according her stories. Yet she told me lie after lie, there was never one father who abused her, no, she seemed to have lied to her father so much he was sick of her. And now father thinks she is DONE with lying, cause she is lying her way into her elderly house.

TO be honest, I have helped her to much, under the trade mark of marriage I vowed for her, under eye of God which I served in many ways, I pledge my honor and duty to this women.

I can not her her words anymore ” I`ll call a lawyer and have you deported back to Holland “  ” I`ll call my sister and she will call someone to kill you “  ” Your son will forget you so easy, my father will take care of this ”

Thousands of variations, day after day, hour after hour. I work at home, my office is at home, my clients notice my setback, and I am financially making mistake after mistake. Stupid mistakes. My Fortune is almost down, cause I have no faith in my wife. We live in the country side, 80 miles away from a shop. We have a self sufficient farm,  all made by me, all paid by me.

Nice detail. I pay for everything. My wife plays with my money on other peoples tables, and takes credit for it. She calls me a useless dog and my work is not important for her she says, she has 200$ a month child support from the state as a gift, she claims it is her salary. Pfff where to begin, yet, better said, I can not find 1 day In my life with her that it was Worth doing it all over again. Every day has a spot on it now, and my life is a miserable thing of what it was ever before.

SO, Go back to Holland? Impossible, I never had anything there to begin with. I cant go back with empty hands, and trying to rebuild a live. I do shit like this one time, and I dont like to be called a repeated fuck up offender.

My health stepped back last 3 months, I lost 45 Kilos total and still dropping. My coughing is daily, and my lungs do hurt. I smoke 4-5 packages a day, just to keep calm, and not tell my wife what a unreasonable piece of shit she is, and better of as food for the worms in the ground. Something like this I could never tell her, it would satisfied her to much I am sure. I cant call my dad or mom, I dont have those. Neither I have friends, Or people I can trust here.  I emigrated to an area for rest, not for social interaction.

My wife toke my heart, has my son, and is wiling to take it all, all I have… Just for the fun of it. Many girlfriends told her ( in my appearance ) how jealous they are on her, everyone thinks my wife is very grateful to me, but the opposite is only there, day in day out.

I leave behind my son, knowing he will never meet me, even when I am alive. My wife told me many times I was a donor tool, a piece of junk, a ATM machine and a worthless father. She claimed I would make a junk of my son, a bump, a loser. Like me…

I leave behind my company, a good company. Makes 5000-8000$ a month on advertisment income, the money will go to an account I assign next week to my son. As soon he is 18, he can have the life I have dreamed off. The company will be leaded by my friend in Norway, and he will be able to run it on Autopilot. All is on paper, all is worked out.

I leave behind my dogs and cats. Despite I love them, They suffer already. I am neglecting them, they know. They have 50.000m2 of private space for themselves. My neighbor will take care of them.

I leave behind a property, farm, renovated house and 10.000m2 of hand planted orchards , Valua, I dont know. But pretty sure no one has the cash to buy it here. So  It will stay a long time empty I am sure.

For the next weeks to come, ( 12 August is my EDOD ) will try to avoid as much answering my wife her humiliation questions. And try to empty my mind.  I know I was ones a hero, but broken by a women, this makes me not suitable for this planet.

Thank you for reading my project on my upcoming death. Please do not post comments when you do not respect my story.