Ever since I became a freshman and moved to this new school, living felt like a slow, painful death.
The reason why they enrolled me in the school was because it had high standards in academics.
They never really cared for anything else.
I screwed up at making a good impression; I was shy; I wasn’t good at having conversations; let alone making friends.
My grades decreased.
My dysfunctional family didn’t help.
Decent days never existed in my new school.
It was crowded, noisy; nothing but chaos existed there.
It seemed more like a cage rather than a second home.
There wasn’t a place in the school where I could be alone and be myself. There wasn’t a time that I could gaze at the blue skies in peace. Most of all, the people close to me, who gave me a reason to live; weren’t there.
I felt like I was going insane as each day passed.
I begged; I cried; I kept arguing with my parents, just to take me back.
Please, take me back.
They feigned indifference; What would a 12-year old understand anyway?…
I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know what to think anymore.
I don’t know when it’s going to end. I don’t know if I can still be saved.
I just want out of here.
2 comments
I feel sorry for you, why is your familly dysfunchinal.
Oh and i also had a hard time at school, but mine happened durring the end of the school, in years 10 and 11, it all got to me, i felt depressed, nihilisticly depressed, everyday was hell, everyday was meaningless.
I saw the future as bleak and my life as meaningless, i thought of suicide, but it was only thoughts, no planning, no research, nothing like that.
I failed my exams, i got U on every result, look up what U means on a British Exam paper and you will see what it means.
Foutunatly i was given a new shot, i got in to College, finally a new school, this school was good, but it has a facist and strict undertone to it.
When i get back in September, i will waste no time, at lunch time i will kill myself, i am sick of life, the world has became to much, my manifesto will be my legacy.
Bad parenting, different interests and beliefs are to blame.
What’s worse is that when they’re upset, they take it out on someone weaker than them. That kind of thing runs in our family.
Almost like a food chain, isn’t it? Pfft…
So you’ve decided to commit suicide, huh.
Lucky you. I feel so goddamn envious right now. -sigh-