Once there was this guy I really liked, he hugged me before I had to leave. I would have hugged him longer, but dad was standing right there(this was like a year ago). ughh. anyway. he was so warm and I felt so safe in his arms, even though he didn’t know I liked him. I wish he could have held on to me forever. I’ll probably never feel that warm and safe again. I’m not gonna make it to my next birthday.
July 2011
I am so tired of it all.
I’m waiting for someone to save me, or maybe notice. But no one does.
They’ll never know because I promised I’d be okay this time.
Well, I’m sorry Rian, I’m not okay and I lied when I said you shouldn’t be worrying.
Sorry, Alannah, I don’t want to compete for your friendship anymore.
This time you don’t get any signals, no clues. If I want to do it, you’ll never notice.
You just don’t care enough about me.
Its kinda sad that its tooken me this long to realize that I really do not have anyone.
Therapist are full if shit.
I used to want to be one, but then I thought about it, and pretty much realized that they are payed to listen to people, and though they chose that as a career.. I don’t know.. It just seems weird to me.
And if you disagree, well than you do.. Don’t fill the comments up woth, well y’know..
This is just my opinion.
Today is suppose to be my 3 year anniversary with my ex. I feel terrible. She’s been gone for6 months already. I still think of her day to day. I don’t mean to whine about it, I just wanna get it off my chest. She meant everything to me. I never thought that someone so beautiful could love someone like me. She was like an angel..now she’s a stranger. I’ve heard nothing from her since. Not even a birthday wish. it’s just so hard. I feel as if she was a diamond that out of luck sparkled in the sunlight to signal that she wanted […]
If you knew me you would run from me faster than you would from a hungry lion… so I put on this act and avoid mentioning how beautiful blood looks flowing fresh from the source… I avoid mentioning how much I love watch my own blood flowing down my arm… I simply sit there and smile, like the good little girl you think I am so you don’t lock me up claiming I’m crazy… I’m not crazy I’m just simply not what you’re used to… I’m sorry I tried to stick up for myself/friend/that kid everyone seems to hate for no reason but I won’t […]
The past couple of nights I have mixed sleeping pills and vodka just to sleep. I know I would have to up the amount of both quite a bit to not wake up.
I am wondering though..my energy has managed to drop lower now and I physically feel quite strange. Definitely weaker but starting to physically feel numb in places. I didn’t throw up though.. so..well I’m not sure why I’m posting this…maybe subconsciously hope that someone give an opinion or support..I’m really not sure.
I just need to get a chance to clear things up with someone before I actually try to end everything […]
so I’m sitting here thinkin bout my time in that fuckin mental hospital. Whyd the cops have to show the fuck up? I guess I wouldn’t be here right now if they hadn’t but that was my plan.. to not be here. Yet here I am on my bed holdin a lighter and my rosaries wondering where this so called “god” has been my whole life. My brother..abusive autistic and everything else. 18 been takin care of him all my life. My mom.. physically and mentally sick, shes crazy to be nice. My dad..abusive alcoholic rarely ever seen. my friends what can I say? Their […]
Dear everyone,
Started this two months ago but yet everything is still overwelming, too much for me to handle now. I don’t know what to do anymore. I hate myself. I everything about me. I just want to die, I want to go just off a bridge or crash into something. I can’t take it. I feel so unloved. No one is here for me anymore. I just feel like no one would even fucking care. I really just want to end it all. So bad. I am going to. I’m going to stop being a coward and actually go with my word. I’m going […]
I feel like my friends never want me, like they’re not really my friends.
Maybe they’re making fun of me behind my back.
They’re only sticking around for one reason – if I have another attempt then they want the gossip.
That’s all I am to them – gossip.
I’m sick of meaning nothing to everyone. I want to be someone and I want to like myself.
Is that so hard?
Ma petite amie m’a quitter pour rien du tout et je me retrouves celibataire donnez moi une arme c’est moins douloureux que de subir cette tristesse
Led Zeppelin-Stairway to Heaven This is what i want playing at my funeral. Its perfect and i love this song i could play it all day.
Â
Well my life just went to shit.
My so-called boyfriend isn’t real.
Let me explain hopefully without getting into too many details.
I was dating this guy for awhile (internet relationship) and my friend set us up. Â (we’ll call her Julie and we’ll call my boyfriend Chris.)
Julie is a bisexual and I honestly didn’t have a problem with it until she started liking me. I thought it would stop but no.
She started touching me, she would walk behind me and drag her fingers across the center of my back and she would tug at my bra strap a couple of times, and she hooked me up with Chris […]
Lately I’ve been contemplating whether I should commit suicide but I’ve realized I don’t have the guts. I get scared and chicken out. I’ve been planning it out and want to die painlessly and simply fall asleep. I’ve realized my top method is to inhale carbon monoxide. Loads of it. Another option is overdosing on very strong medication.
The reasons as to why I want to die are a little amature. I’m only 20 years of age and about to get kicked out of college due to my poor gpa. I don’t know what will be of me if I get out. Also, I hate […]
I just need to get some things off of my chest. I’ve never been so excited about dying, nor have I ever been so certain of my decision to die until now. Staying optimistic about life has proved to be absolutely useless, since I now know that my birth and very existence have been a mistake. I am one of the damnned individuals who was not “placed” in this life for a purpose. I was not “blessed” with good looks, intelligence, money, or a talent of any kind. I am 23 years old and have absolutely no friends. Every guy that I’ve dated has […]
From birth I was destined to not have any friends. Friends just never came easily to me and it never bothered me when I was younger because I had my ignorance to shield me from others. Kids just never liked me. I was never bullied, just forgotten. I’m not “the fat kid” or “the kid who everyone hates” it’s just nobody’s ever given me the time of day. I’ve never had a bestfriend and I only get out of the house a few times a year. Being almost 16 this has been the norm since I was 6.
Since I was 12 this started to bother […]
my box of 650 q-tips ran out today. i figure a new box of 650 will last till next year
What is everything, im trying to be happy but why is it so hard. I have people who care for me, i have great friends who mean more than the world to me. But why would they love a loser like me, why do they care about me when they could just forget all together. Would i end up bringing them down?
Ive done nothing this summer. I just turned 17 and that made me reilize how much of a loser im becoming. I want a career, a family, a life. Wheres my social life at. Im too shy to go to gatherings and parties and […]
“Im sick of your depression its getting on my nerves” The same words my mom said to me. I cant fucking help it mother. If i tell you whats wrong me you wouldn’t understand. You dont know what im going through. I’m sick of life, im sick of fucking church, and im sick of this family. I am ready to go. Im just going to drown myself in cold water or just sit there till i get hypothermia.Which ever gets me dead first i dont really care.
if theres anyone on here in germany please answer. you are my last hope and last chance. i need someone to save me or i’ll be dead by tomorrow morning. i saved up to 50 pills. i’m ready to go…and i dont want to go