 I’m a 16 year old girl, 17 in a month. Like everyone here, I have a few issues. Actually a few is an understatement.
When I was 13, I attempted suicide twice, both landed me in the hospital, neither time did my family come, or even ask if I was alright. When I was 14, I lost 3 of my best friends, and attempted suicide two more times, the last time I simply woke up sick to my stomach. From the time of the first attempt, my mother, and 2 sisters all repeatedly told me they wished I was dead, or that I had succeeded at my first attempt. From age 6 until age 13, my mother would take her bad mood out on me, and abuse me, sending me through a mirror and to the hospital once. After that I started running away, and getting kicked out. In general my family hates me, and wishes me dead.
After my multiple suicide attempts, I lost most of my friends. I understand why, I mean I ruined their lives. I now have about 3 close friends, none of which know about my suicide attempts, I don’t talk about those.
In fact only one person who I talk to now knows. My ex boyfriend. I love him, a lot, and he’s the only person I’ve ever gotten close to, and now that’s ruined. We dated a year and a half, and then he left for someone else. I don’t blame him, he deserves better than me. He’s a great guy, who may have some issues, but he doesn’t deserve a fuck up like me. No one does. We have a plan, and I guess it’s a break, a year long break, it’s complicated.
I’m just lost. I’ve done stupid things, ruined the little good I had, and now I don’t know what to do. I’m graduating this up coming year. I don’t even know what I want to go to college for. I honestly doubt I’ll last very long anyway.
3 comments
C’mon SP people! Read this pretty puh-leez!
Nobody’s posts should go unnoticed. Yo~ Later
I see myself at age 17 in you. I attempted suicide one month before my high school graduation. My parents took me to a hocpital and I had to get a pass out of it to go to my high school graduation. At the time I saw no hope for the future. I had four options: college, marriage, a job, or living as a parasite on my parents the rest of my life. I thought I either could not have or didn’t want any of these options, and I decided there was no other option than to die. Well, 40 years later, I have my Associate’s Degree, I have been married – not once, but twice, I’ve had a good career, and have lived with my mother between my two marriages. I am so glad that I never succeeded at taking my own life. You’re young, and all your problems seem so big right now, but down the road through the years you’ll be surprised at how happy you could be!
There are two motivating factors in life…fear or love. We all do whacked &^%$#. It’s part of the game. I wouldn’t feel any shame for your attempts…life is all about making choices based on your circumstances. Leave the judgment out…that’s a man-made construct. Wasted energy really…. People try to control others by projecting shame and guilt…..you are loved, so love yourself and think well of yourself along your journey no matter what is going on and what choices you make. Hopefully you will make ones in service of yourself and all that supports your well being. We’re all doing our best. Go easy on yourself. Btw…the most successful people in the world never went to school. They decided what the rules were for themselves. Takes courage and you gain a lot of strength in the process….good luck!