Still Depressed

So my family went on vacation this weekend and i decided to stay behind.. My options were to go for a suicide attempt or try to make the best out of being away from my family for a change and make some fun out of it..

So i decided to make the best out of it and invite some old buddies that i knew for most of my life to stay over and have some good times n get fucked up.. Even tho i was filled with anxiety the whole time (even while having benzodiazepines in my system the whole time) i managed to enjoy myself. On saturday we just hung out, got drunk, caught up and talked about old times.. Sunday we chilled in the pool catching some sun, sipping on brews chattin about females and whatnot. As night came we went to a festival and met up with some beeeauutifullll females. We invited some dudes and gorgeous girls back to the house.. Hung out had a blast, went for some drunken night swimming… As Monday morning came me and one of my good buddies were still up goin strong at 8 in the morning, last ones standing lol. So we decided to grab some bikes from the garage and go for a drunken bike ride to the gas station to get some black n milds ( i was riding my little sisters pink bike with a bell on it, and yeah i was ringing that ***** the whole ride there and back LMAO.) Got back to the house and decided we were gonna throw something on the grill to eat (by this time it was about 8:30 in the morning lol.) As i go inside to grab the grub to throw on the grill, the weather suddenly turns ape shit with lightening, thunder, 30 mile per hour winds, the whole nine yards… we lose power… we pass out…

Thought that those good times would be enough to bring me out of this depression but i still find myself sitting here obsessing about suicide 24/7… It never ends 🙁