I am a 53 yr old pre-op transsexual woman. I have suffered from severe depression for more years then I care to remember. I have been committed to the hospital 3 times so far for attempted suicide. During 2 of these hospital stays I had a total of 14 electrical shock threapy sessions. I have been several different meds for many years but nothing changes. Nothing has helped. I don’t dare tell my doctors that I am feeling like ending my suffering again in fear of being put back in the hospital. So where do I go for help? How can I get relief from the pain? They will see the cuts if I do that again. They will see the bruises if I start hitting my self again. They will lock me up again if they find out how I feel. So what can I do?
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I’m 15 so I really don’t know but do what you love play loud music eat a ton dance sing watch tv.Are you depressed cause people bully you about your sexual orientation?just wanted to comment so you know you’re loved:)
Please don’t hurt youself again. I have been afraid of this too. But what i suggest you do is build love within yourself by doing the things you love. Try meditation or self confidence hypnosis. Its free on youtube. You can begin eating healthy and drink lots of water. a healthy diet can help with depression. Listen to calming music or happy fun music to lighten the mood. Also make friends. Go to meetup.com and there is where you will meet people from all over that would like to get together and hang out. Type in what group you want to go to. I normally type in running groupsOr find groups which you can hang out with to have fun. Your life is precious and you are loved. I will be here if you need me. Please live. Find happiness within loving yourself. You are beautiful and don’t let anyone take that away from you. Begin a new life today. Begin eating healthier, meditating, finding support through friends. I wish you the best.
Love
Thank you for your kindness and sweet ideas. Through the years I have tried everything and anything to get at least a minute of relief from my pain. Including those you mentioned all of which I have heard of from my doctors. But they don’t work at all or not for long. I read your post about your hurt not hearing from your boyfriend. Now take the hurt you feel not hearing from him and imagine the pain I feel being unwanted and looked at as discusting and preverted from your entire family. Every one you have lived with or talked to or loved not only not calling but running away from you calling out insults and dirty words and worse to you. Imagine your own family calling you a freak and seeing the hatred in thier eyes just at the sight of you. Imagine your mother, father, sisters and brother not talking to you in 18 years. Imagine the pain of being without Love or anyone in your life for 15 years. Imagine the pain of not being able to change yourself into what you are only due to money. Imagine seeing a way out just outside your reach for over 10 years but due to only money will never be in reach. Imagine the pain watching others like you start after you and having the solution done before you. Imagine the pain of having your body used over and over by guys only to find the only reason they fucked you was to try something different and tabboo. Imagine seeing the look on peoples faces when they learn the truth about you. Imagine having to hide the truth about yourself everyday with everyone you know in fear they will see you as a freak and destroy the little normal life you have. Imagine having to push guys away who like you only because they work with you or are friends of people who do accept you as a real woman and don’t know the truth. Imagine the loneliness and fear I feel everyday someone may find out the truth about you. Imagine the pain of losing everyone in your life right now at work or at home just because you dress differently then you did yesterday. Imagine telling your friends the way you feel and having them at best pulling away from you and at worst beating the crap out of you. Imagine having to leave where you grew up to another city in a new state just because you told the truth about yourself. If you could just begin to understand the pain I have suffered you surely can understand why you are being stupid hurting yourself because your boyfriend hasn’t called you today. If you think you are suffering imagine feeling that pain for every minute of every day for 15 years and knowing there is nothing you can do to change it ever without winning the lottery. Then you will see why I want to get it over with. I have tried all the drugs all the helpfull ideas. I have even tried illegal drugs and booze but even they can’t relief the pain I feel every minute of every day. There is no reason to fight the pain any longer. Nothing can change it. Nothing can help me
I am so sorry to disappoint you Georgina but I can’t take the pain anymore Today will be last I one I face. I know what it is I have to do. the last 48 hours with no sleep has brought me to my breaking point. Today I will end it all. I will drive deep into the northern woods of Minnesota far away from any person or hospital. There as the sunsets around me I will put my dads old shotgun in my mouth and remove the pain once and for all. That way no one can bring me back this time. I will be dressed in my sexiest short skirt, The Lowest cut top I have. My 6 inch heels and stockings with garter belt. Iwill look so sexy the devil will drool for eternity from my arrival. Today is my day. My pain will be over.
Zephaniah 3:17– The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his LOVE, and he will rejoice over you with singing. — You ARE loved! God loves you more than you can fathom, he doesn’t judge you, he will always be there with you, he feels the hurt that you carry, he carried all your sins, and your hurts, and your troubles to the cross, so that you can find salvation in him! He already paid the price, so don’t give up, run to God! let him hold you and hug you and welcome you home. Take refuge in Christ. 🙂 ill be praying.