have you ever loved someone so much that you cry for them ever night? that you would die for them? that you still love them even though they’re emotionally torturing you? that they make you want to commit suicide, but you still love them anyway and you have no clue why? well thats me pretty much. and dont tell me I shouldn’t love him because he’s hurting me mentally, because I love him beyond the depths of the earth, that barely explains my love for him, I wish he knew what he’s doing to me.:(
OH and does anyone know how to take away emotional pain without cutting or burning? my dad took all that stuff away:/
10 comments
i know exactly how you feel.
I’ve been there, honey. And of course I wouldn’t tell you to stop loving him. That just makes things worse, and it certainly doesn’t fix the problem.
However, perhaps you can talk to him about the stuff he does that upsets you? Try, for example, saying that you want to talk to him on the weekend or something about something important. And then you could present it like, “I feel sad when you treat me like this.” Use the format of “I feel ___ because ___.” If you said, “You always hurt me,” then it sounds like you are attacking the person and is more likely to cause a fight than handling it the other way. Saying it in the aforementioned format makes things sound less accusatory and makes the other person more willing to talk about it.
If either talking about it is impossible or you don’t feel comfortable, you can find ways to handle the ways he hurts you. If he calls you ugly, write down two things you think are beautiful about yourself every day. If he accuses you of hurting /him/, then write down two things you do to help him. Starting a journal can help a lot, whenever I am upset I write out everything and it helps me release it. Further, making yourself find good things about you and your life help you to cope and “look on the bright side.” It sounds funny sometimes but it does work.
I’m not trying to stomp on your feelings, honey, but ultimately if you are not happy and he doesn’t treat you like you are perfect and beautiful in every way, he is not worth it. I have been in a fantastic relationship and also in a really bad one, and no matter how much you love him, it won’t compare when you meet somebody who treats you right. Leaving the person who treated me badly was one of the best decisions of my life. 🙂
Also, as far as cutting and burning, I’ve never burned myself but I did cut and bite, among other things. I have found when people try to force you to stop it can make things worse in a lot of ways. However, if he actually took your stuff away, there are a lot of things you can do that will at least help if not alleviate the pain. Journalling like I mentioned earlier can be helpful. Also, call a friend, write a story or a song or poetry or whatever you feel like, read a book, watch a movie, talk to somebody on here, etc.
Also, have you heard of the Toe Project? You can text the word “toe” to the number 331-442-4TOE (4863). Basically they came up with the word toe because it’s a neutral word that you can use to text them when you feel like hurting yourself, and they will walk you through to some help. 🙂 It’s fantastic, you should try it. If you don’t have an opportunity to text, you can text with a Yahoo! account, all you have to do is sign up for a yahoo account and then when you are in the mail section, there’s a chat and you can set up a text conversation by clicking “new text message” and typing in their number. Hope this helps!! Take care, be safe, you are the master of your future ♥♥
thanks, that really helps me. I still love him so much, but I don’t want to let him go, even if that’s the best thing for me, at least not right now. maybe if things get better I wont have to let go, right now Im hanging by a thread, but I’m still trying to hold on
I know just how you feel. It’s like I am the guy you’re talking about. I fucked up so badly with the girl I loved. Nothing big and huge, just slowly, slowly fucked it all up. I’d do anything to fix it. The worst part is that I know what I did wrong now, and I know if I had a second chance I wouldn’t mess it up and she’d be happy with me… but I don’t get that second chance and it kills me. So if you think he loves you too, just tell him, make him aware that it’s seriously killing you, and he’ll shape up and treat you the way you deserve.
never let go of that feeling. my wife died 5 years ago. my daughter died last year. i have tried to kill my self 3 times. my brother saved my life. anyway i have felt what you feel and as time passes the feeling starts to grow stronger, i feel it every second. but i dont hate it anymore. it reminds me of my family. i know that because of my pain i will never forget them. that pain that is torturing you now is what will drive you one day, the choice is yours, it can guide you to do great things, or it will drive you to your grave. i hope this helps. sorry for your loss.
@MyLife, he already knows I’m depressed, but he doesn’t know its because of him. he’s really nice but also hard headed, so if I told him he’s causing me to be this way, he would just cuss at me and wouldn’t believe me. and he even said that he wouldn’t date me if I stay depressed:/
@BlueberrySman, I didn’t really lose anything, but I’m about to most likely. and I’m sorry for what happened to your family, that must feel horrible:(
I think you have to tell him though. If it’s going to last long term, you have to be able to be open and honest with him. If he really loves you, I’m sure he’ll put you above his hard headedness. If not, he’ll realize soon enough the mistake he’s made.
I agree, telling him is the best way to go. If you think he is going to discount your feelings, well, that’s another way of mistreating you, and it is not a good sign for your relationship. Secondly, somebody who won’t date you because of depression is probably not the person for you. Again I’m not trying to stomp on your feelings, but sometimes love isn’t the only thing we need to base a relationship on; in other words, if you are looking for a serious relationship, or at least long-term, they are going to have to come to terms with your depression. I don’t know if this is the only time you have been depressed, but unless he is the sole reason behind your depression, there is a chance that once you get through this, you may have another episode later on. Which is perfectly normal. It’s natural for us to experience sadness or frustration or grief or whatever. So you need somebody who will accept you for you who are, sad or happy or in-between. And anyway, if it’s natural for people to be sad, it is unnatural for him to expect you to be happy all the time. Nobody is happy all the time.
In short, he needs to own up to his own behaviour. If he doesn’t, then he clearly doesn’t deserve you. If you want you can plan out what you want to say to him beforehand, and you can even rehearse it or discuss it with me if you would like. 🙂 I’m sorry you are going through this, I hope things clear up a bit. Take care, alright? ♥♥
Oh, I also wanted to say, as far as the self-harm goes, there’s also the Butterfly Project. I just recently discovered this. It’s a programme where, whenever you have the urge to self-harm, instead of cutting or whatever you want to do, you draw a butterfly on the part of your body where you want to do it. If you cut, you kill the butterfly. If you don’t, the butterfly gets to live and fly away in all its beauty! 🙂 The goal is to leave the butterfly on as long as possible, and let it fade naturally, without deliberately trying to scrub it off or anything. If you have more than one butterfly, and then you cut, it kills them all. And butterflies drawn by someone else on your body are extra special. ^^ I thought it was a really sweet idea. Hope this helps! Be safe. ^^
No. It seems like others left “good” advice here so off I go.