These past couple of months I have been having weird dreams… So weird that I litterally think I’m going insane. I keep dreaming about people who are important to me, dying. It got so bad last night that I started crying myself back to sleep. I told my boyfriend and he said I wasnt crazy, course he was probably only saying what I wanted to hear. I told my ex, David and he said “Have you thought about seeing a phsyciotrist?” I geuss I had it coming… They wont stop though, I’m afraid to go to sleep at night because of it.
Last night, I dreamed that it was morning, I was just waking up…. And my boyfriend called me. I got up to get the phone and went out of my room and there was a pool of blood outside my moms door. I hesitated to open the door and when I did, she was hanging upside down from the ceiling, with her throat slit. My stepdad was sitting, strapped, in a chair. Shirtless, with markings on his chest and his throat slit as well. I went into my step brothers room and there he was, clinging to the was, strapped there… With his throat slit too. I told my boyfriend and he said he was on his way over. When he got there, I was strapped to my bed… Saying over and over again “He raped me”.
I cant get these dreams to stop, they are so brutal and horrible. They go from being about my family, to my boyfriend, me being raped, and somebody trying to kill me. Every dream has somebody dead in it, and it is making me think I’m going crazy. I dont know how to make them stop, I dont know why they keep coming to me, but they do. I cant help the feeling that they might actually come true some day. I dont want to think that way, but I just cant help it. No matter what I do, even if I am having a good day that day, they always come to me, no matter where I am at. This was the reason I started cutting again, that and a few old memories that I know are going to be brought back up in the future. I understand if you think I’m insane, and honestly I dont care… I just want the dreams to stop. I’d do anything. I’ve already thought about suicide, but I have been cutting so I can ease the pain of the dreams. I dont want them to come true, if they did I would commit suicide… I’ll probably end up doing that anyways though. I just need help, can anybody explain to me what it means? Because I have no friggin’ clue. Please help?
4 comments
You’re not insane, sweetie.
Well, dreaming about someone you know dying is supposed to mean, not that they will die, but rather that there is going to be a major life change, either in your life or in theirs or in reference to them. It doesn’t mean they are going to die. However, considering how intense they have been, it seems that there might be some anxiety involved? Are you afraid of these things? I mean, obviously, who wouldn’t be, but I mean do you think about it a lot and stuff? And I mean before the dreams started.
Psychiatrists love to prescribe meds, and honestly I think meds should be used as a last resort. You can try dream therapy or just a general counselor, but I definitely encourage you to talk it out with someone. And it can be hard to find the right therapist but don’t give up, if the first person you talk to isn’t the one for you, find someone else, I am on my fourth therapist, and she’s fantastic.
If there is anything I have learned after having the noose around my neck, literally, it is that suicide is not the answer. It’s certainly an option and always will be, but there are other options that leave you safer, happier, freer, and still alive. Take care, and be safe, I know you can do it! ♥♥
I do have very bad anxiety issues as well. I’m on antidepressants and another pill. I am afraid of these things happening, I might not exactly like my family (in fact I hate my family), but I know that I need them, and I wouldnt be able to get by without them. I have a therapist but I havent seen her in two months (mostly because my mom wont get off her lazy ass and take me). I try not to think about it, but who cant think about the recent terrible dream they just had? I usually dream about my family, mostly my mom and my oldest brother. Like I said, I have been having dreams about death, and I have been having dreams about my mom hitting me. She has been saying that she keeps blacking out everytime she is having a conversation with someone, and when she is back from the random black out… Its like they are talking in a different language. And she says she hears voices. I just dont want those “voices” to tell her to do something terrible. I’m terrified of any of this happening. I know that my mom has hit my brother, but she has never hit me. But last night was the first night I dreamed about all of them, my step dad, mom, brother, and step brother, and my boyfriend. I dont want to tell my mom about these dreams because she will get pissed at ME, even though I cant help what I dream. She would get mad and she would take me into either more therapy or another mental hospital. I used to have so much therapy that it was overwhelming, and that was the main reason I was cutting at the time… (but there were other reasons too). I just cant shake the fear of it. It was all so real, It was like all of it was actually happening. Have you ever had a dream where you wake up, and you open your eyes, and somehow… For some Godforsaken reason, your still there when you open your eyes? I have.
It was my mom and I, we were going to a party and there was a swimming pool there. She went in for a swim… well, somebody pushed her in. She started turning blue and her eyes suddenly shut out of nowhere and she was just under water, floating around. I immediattley went in to save her, and nothing happened to me. It was the water, but nothing happened to me. She died in the dream, just like all of my other dreams. But when I tried to wake up (I WAS awake. I DID open my eyes) when I tried to open my eyes, I was still there, I could still see her blue body floating under water. I screamed and that was when I actually could see again.
Its scary to know that these things can actually happen. Thank you so much for posting your comment, you did help (: <33
I’m glad I helped. 🙂 If you ever want to talk about stuff more, please feel free to contact me.
Also, it sounds like you go through a lot on a day-to-day basis… My therapist said to me that anxiety is fear of things that *might* happen. As in, future things that are possible but aren’t guaranteed.
So, in dealing with my own issues, I have found that deliberately deciding to change my attitude towards something often changed how I felt about it and thus, in a weird way, solved the issue. In other words, to use an example, my suicidal feelings were based mainly on wanting to end the pain, and since that was complicated by the fact that being alive gave me pain because I wanted to die, which made me want to die more, I decided I would teach myself to live with the pain, and stop wanting to end it so much. And it worked. I was still depressed, but I was a lot less suicidal, and it led me to seek help. Perhaps you could alter your way of looking at the situation, like making a chart or something of the likelihood that your family really would be strapped to chairs with slit throats. Or, and this one might be harder, but you could try switching your focus. Not necessarily trying not to think about the dreams, because you are already trying to do that, but rather, make them less important. Tell yourself it’s just another dream, big deal, your family is still alive and everything’s okay. I feel like I’m not explaining this well, I hope you know that I’m not trying to demean your experience, because I wouldn’t do that. I’m just saying that sometimes a shift in our perspective can shift the way we feel about a situation.
Something else to try could be journaling, or writing it all out, or even drawing the dreams. You can always burn it later or something if you want, too. This is not a fun experience for anybody and I am terribly sorry you are going through this, I don’t blame you for feeling the way you do *hugs* You can do this, alright? No matter how hard it gets, I promise. 🙂 Take care!
I actually just tried to go to sleep, but I was just eyes shut and awake thinking about normal things, I took your advice, told myself not to think about those things… But unfortunetly i couldnt actually get to sleep. I do go through a lot every day. Stuff I shouldnt even be dealing with, hell, I’m only 13. But here is the real question for everyone… Why do bad things happen to good people?
Suicide is and always will be a permanent solution to a temporary problem, so why do it? Life is a journey, We never know when its going to end, we just have to live it out until that specific day comes around. <33