I know I shouldn’t be. My sister is finally home from the navy and yet I still feel depressed. I had a horrible dream that she left and I cried histerically. I wonder if that is a sign that when she really does leave I might finally rest in peace. I don’t know. Maybe I will succeed? I don’t know but I wish this horrible sadness will end soon. I know for sure my family hates me. Or just truly dislikes me a lot. I dont feel one ounce of love from them though my grandmother constantly tells me she does. Maybe I am just some angsty dummy. I can no longer blame it on my teenage years since I am now 21.
I can no longer find happiness in my other sisters children since they pluck my nerves so much. Don’t get me wrong I love them. I would never wish harm on them and would never hurt them. I love them dearly but I cannot explain it at all.
I really hate my life. There is never a time I am really happy. I just do not think its in me to be happy. Music and friends help but only to an extent. I cant even remember I was truly happy as a child. I was always the loner “white” girl in class. I never could actually make conversation with anyone. I do know that mostly it was because I was not really in slower classes but in regular classes and most of the children were well ghetto. I hated that I could never relate the other people my age. They hated me. They always made fun of me for no reasons at all. I should save this for a blog. Good bye for now.
4 comments
If you don’t find age difference significant, please, by all means, feel free to email me. Jessica-castle@hotmail.com
Please don’t give up. Things can and do get better…I know how it feels to have been picked on. I don’t know exactly how you feel, because nobody feels the exact same, but I can assure you, if you drop me an email I’ll do my best to comfort you and I’ll always have a listening ear.
If you decide not to email me, please, just hold on. I know it probably seems absolutely pointless, but just don’t give up…not yet.
I’m sure your family loves you- They just might have a funny way of showing it. If not, be thankful that your grandma loves you! Many people don’t have anyone. That’s something to be happy for!
And happiness. I truly cannot help you there, I’ve never been happy and I have no Idea how to achieve happiness. Just try and be grateful for what you have and make the best of things! I know this isn’t much help, I’d most likely be pissed if someone said this to me.
It sounds like you were kind of the ‘odd one out’ you werent odd, you just weren’t ghetto or like everyone else. And by that, you were isolated. I’m sorry about that. But you aren’t alone. Maybe we can achieve happiness together! Email me- GiaBrownrocks@gmail.com
Ps, I don’t hate you. I actually love you. Talk to me sometime! Id love to speak to you!
I don’t know everything about your situation but I don’t think your family dislikes you. When you’re down your perception of every thing changes especially how others treat you. Like I said I’m not walking in your shoes but from experience I know that its easy to falsely have a me against the world attitude. It wasn’t until I got older that I realized that loved ones did like me. I know its not easy because I still struggle with it. I hope your situation improves. If I could give you any advice it would be find something you like and do it as often as possible.