Last year from Today

I started cutting. I started cutting deep, I didnt want to stop, I had no intention of stopping. I started when I was in 4th grade, I stopped for a year and got right back into it. I was clean for about 8 months until last week. I started again. I dont know if its the people I’m with or what I’m going through, but I still dont want to stop, i cant. I’ve become addicted, cutting is like a drug to me. My mom and stepdad usually call me a whore, to my face. In January, I shoplifted with my friend Kassidie, we got caught and got in so much trouble. I called my dad later that night and my mom had already told him… He was crying. I’m a daddys girl, and hearing him cry, making him cry hit me so hard. I felt terrible, until he called me crazy. I lost it at that point, hung up the phone and went to scream at my mom.I havent seen my dad since Christmas because he lives 13 hours away. He called me crazy when I shoplifted, not when I went into Marrilac (for those of you who dont know what it is, its a mental hospital). My mom and step dad wotn listen to me, everytime I try and say a simple sentence they cut in and just talk to each other, like I’m not even there. I wish I wasnt. I’m hated at my school, I’m a loner, but EVERYBODY knows me, as the “emo kid”. I’ve tried to take my life so many times, I was obviously never really successful. I overdoased, used drugs, cut, almost jumped infront of a car, and much more. I have trust issues, a lot. The only way I can open up to someone is if I dont know them, but I know they can help. I lost a lot of people in my life, some living, some dead. A lot more then this goes on in my life. I dont like thinking about it, but I have to live with the scars that make me. I found Brett (my boyfriend) and I suddenly felt like living again. I actually found someone to live for other then my father. Brett doesnt think I’m crazy though, Thank God! There is a lot of unsaid things to my story, a lot I cant bare talk about. And slowly, I have learned that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.