Its been three years since I entered this college and I was thrilled that I’d finally be an engineer. My lust for technology, I thought, would be at last satiated. But in these three years, all I got was petty setbacks and failures.
I’m a computer programmer, the best that there can be in this shit place that they call “college”. But no!! No one really cares about what you know here!!! All the retards who just played counter strike the whole time got placed in the campus placements and me, (do trust me when I say) who sat all day in front of a shit machine they call computers, is left with three backlogs to fulfil!! No sleep, no girl, no excitement… all I did was learn stuff, core stuff that no one in my college would know and what I get is three stupid backlogs!!! Everything that I did, all my hard work and all my knowledge is now wasted because I cannot sit for campus placements due to my backlogs. I used to (and still do) code for 36-40 hours at a stretch, thinking that the knowledge is the only thing that will take me ahead of my stupid batch mates but no!! It doesn’t work that way… if I too would have played counter strike and smoked weed and hangout with my “girlfriend”, I’d have been placed.
I liked a girl… I still like her, I even told her that I like her freakin’ too much but the day after I told her that I like her, a guy comes who proposes her and she is gone. I mean, we know each other since our freshmen year and we were like fire and ice but then this stupid guy comes, befriends her for three fucking weeks and bam!! she is fucking gone!!! Now, she says that I’m her best friend and she flirts with me about all knida shit but she doesn’t know how hard it is to bear her very sight now. If I could, I’d simply say it on her face that she is the most uninteresting human being. I’d say that I’ll only feel apathy when she dies or when she is hurt, emotionally or otherwise. But I cannot… she is a girl, she has feelings and she’ll be hurt. I’m in splits… so I just meet her whenever she calls me and listen to all her ramblings about how badly everyone treats her. Like she is some fucking princess!!!
The frustration, just by thinking that all my hard work is now wasted, is now at its peak level and I’llÂ break down. Break down really bad. I just want a shotgun and go on a killing spree… a mindless genocide and finally shooting myself!!