I just don’t know what to do anymore.. The only thing it feels like I’m doing in life is to cry and self-harm. I want it to end. I don’t know how. I feel so damn lost.
For starters you might want to work on stopping self-harming. First thing is to make the blades as physically inaccessible as possible so you can’t just act on the impulse to cut yourself on a whim. If you really believe shrinks aren’t helping you then get rid of them. Lying to make them believe you’re better is a relatively easy affair, specially if they’re not really listening as you say. Either way the things you really need to figure out is “what do I really value” and “who am I” and live from there. Those are actually extremely hard things to search for but in your position you have no real choice in the matter. You need to get away from destructive pointless thoughts such as “why me” and “I’m worthless” that bring you nothing but keeping the pain strong.
Why you? Why anybody? Sadly people suffer wether they deserve it or not.
You’re most definitely not worthless so no point in my even explaining that one.
I believe you have what it takes do it, so you damn better. For what it’s worth you don’t have to suffer alone, there’s me and the horde of the friendly faceless ghosts to bear witness to your sorrows.
Too many people are lost, it’s good that some are able tobe found whether it be by others like them or those who are not… It’s sad, however, that many are forever to wander in their minds and hearts, searching for an answer. Death is too often the answer…But it will likely be my answer.
I came to this site in March, my parents found out, sent me to the hospital, I’ve been to the hospital many, many times since March… I f’in hate the hospital… I managed to help one person out of all the others that I really cared for, and since my parents checked my web history, I had to leave the site… But now I’m back. I don’t see any of the people I knew from then…It breaks my heart to think that they chose the too final answer… I’m lost, not knowing who to turn to. My bf cries when I mention my suicidal thoughts and cutting and stuff, and my parents cry too, my sister does as well…My friends refuse to talk to me about it, what few friends I have left, and it just hurts so much…
Is there any advice you have…any path to turn onto that doesn’t lead to death just yet…I’ve got a plan, but I’m not ready, but I have no where else to turn…
@Maeliin: life sucks. But death is not a solution! You have to keep your head held high and just think that life can only get better. And I think you really need someone to talk to in real life! I dont know who, but I sure hope you’ll find a person to talk to. I dont know what to say to you, I’m so bad at comforting people. and sorry about that! But you got to try to think positive thoughts, it’s difficult but It’s worth the struggle.
@maeliin, just because you don’t see the same people on, don’t assume the worst. Some people get better and leave, because this site pulls them back into a depressive state. Some people go to hopital. Some people, like protoryu, change usernames. Yes, some people die, but not all of them.
My advice is, don’t talk to friends about it. Most ‘normal’ people can’t empathize or cope with how we feel, so talking to them sometimes makes us feel even worse. Have you tried talking to a psychologist? They are trained to uderstand our behaviour.
The other thing is… sounds like you want someone to help/save you. I’m sorry, that doesn’t happen, because YOU really are the only person who can do that. And I think YOU must be pretty special, if you have a boyfriend who loves you, and friends and family who care.
Keep occupied with things you like… sport? art? music? But don’t wait for a knight on a white horse to rescue you. Life is about taking things as they come, so you have to learn how to deal with things, a little at a time.
May I ask if you know the reason you are depressed?
@one_day don’t know why i’m depressed. been this way for almost 9 years now i think. I can only dream for that “knight” but I know s/he’ll never come because life isn’t a fairytale, I know that. I do lots of art, but it is all depressing, involving death or cutting or saddness as best I can draw it…I have many pictures of me commiting suicide, those are my most common drawings… Yes having a bf makes me special I guess, but I can’t feel any of the love he says is there. I had him in my life when I attempted suicide in June, but that didn’t do me any good. I still tried.And I wish I hadn’t failedbecause I’m just going to live another day and another day and I’m dead inside…I could continue but I’m starting to wonder if this is making any sense. I feel like i’m high but I can’tbe.
@maeliin, don’t dream about the knight. You have to learn how to weild that sword for yourself. I’m not suprised you can’t feel the love from your BF, if you can’t love yourself, how can you love anyone who loves you?
It sounds like you are driving yourself paranoid (I do this all the time!) and you need to step out of your own mentality and mind for a bit. So go force yourself to do something distracting. Cinema? You talk about the art you do, but do you ever go to galleries and look at other people’s art? Sounds like you really need to focus on other things, because you are drivin gyourself mad, getting lost in your own mind?
You never answered about if you are seeing a shrink… also sounds like you could benefit from Cognitive Behavioural therapy…
@dontwantthis, hope you don’t mind the hijacking… and… self harm doesn’t go anywhere… really…
@one_day: No I don’t mind. I know, but when I do It just get’s better.. but afterwards it just hurt. I’ve been trying to stop but I just want to do it again and again.. I don’t know how to stop..
@dontwantthis: I will tell you how I stopped. One day I was cutting myself and my boyfriend walked in and saw it. A week later I saw cuts all over his chest. I don’t think he’d ever self harmed before. My bad energy had passed to him, and that still didn’t help me any. I haven’t cut since.
Are you talking about this to a therapist? Because maybe a professional will have more insight into WHY it makes you feel better (in the short term).
Me personally… when I cut, it made me feel better (in the short term) because it was instant gratification. There was something empowering about me DOING something, and feeling the effects straight away. Part of growing up is realising that you can’t have instant gratification all the time – some things do take time and work. Also, there are other (better) ways to feel empowered and to take action. I have been thinking of taking self defense classes for example. Or writing… or music… creative outlets are important.
Either way, the harm (both to yourself and others) outweighs the short term good it makes you feel. Good luck kicking the habit.
19 comments
I know exactly how you feel, I feel it every day, too. I’m here if you need to talk, please talk to me. I’m so lost too…
hm, Not good. I know many people that feels this was and it’s difficult. And Im here for you too if you need to talk!
For starters you might want to work on stopping self-harming. First thing is to make the blades as physically inaccessible as possible so you can’t just act on the impulse to cut yourself on a whim. If you really believe shrinks aren’t helping you then get rid of them. Lying to make them believe you’re better is a relatively easy affair, specially if they’re not really listening as you say. Either way the things you really need to figure out is “what do I really value” and “who am I” and live from there. Those are actually extremely hard things to search for but in your position you have no real choice in the matter. You need to get away from destructive pointless thoughts such as “why me” and “I’m worthless” that bring you nothing but keeping the pain strong.
Why you? Why anybody? Sadly people suffer wether they deserve it or not.
You’re most definitely not worthless so no point in my even explaining that one.
I believe you have what it takes do it, so you damn better. For what it’s worth you don’t have to suffer alone, there’s me and the horde of the friendly faceless ghosts to bear witness to your sorrows.
Feeling lost. You and me both, bro…
Too many people are lost, it’s good that some are able tobe found whether it be by others like them or those who are not… It’s sad, however, that many are forever to wander in their minds and hearts, searching for an answer. Death is too often the answer…But it will likely be my answer.
I came to this site in March, my parents found out, sent me to the hospital, I’ve been to the hospital many, many times since March… I f’in hate the hospital… I managed to help one person out of all the others that I really cared for, and since my parents checked my web history, I had to leave the site… But now I’m back. I don’t see any of the people I knew from then…It breaks my heart to think that they chose the too final answer… I’m lost, not knowing who to turn to. My bf cries when I mention my suicidal thoughts and cutting and stuff, and my parents cry too, my sister does as well…My friends refuse to talk to me about it, what few friends I have left, and it just hurts so much…
Is there any advice you have…any path to turn onto that doesn’t lead to death just yet…I’ve got a plan, but I’m not ready, but I have no where else to turn…
@Maeliin: life sucks. But death is not a solution! You have to keep your head held high and just think that life can only get better. And I think you really need someone to talk to in real life! I dont know who, but I sure hope you’ll find a person to talk to. I dont know what to say to you, I’m so bad at comforting people. and sorry about that! But you got to try to think positive thoughts, it’s difficult but It’s worth the struggle.
Just be cool
@TC: Yeah cause that’s easy.
How is it worth the struggle? I feel like I’ve lost everything and everybody, I feel alone even when I can clearly see that I’m surrounded.
@maeliin, just because you don’t see the same people on, don’t assume the worst. Some people get better and leave, because this site pulls them back into a depressive state. Some people go to hopital. Some people, like protoryu, change usernames. Yes, some people die, but not all of them.
My advice is, don’t talk to friends about it. Most ‘normal’ people can’t empathize or cope with how we feel, so talking to them sometimes makes us feel even worse. Have you tried talking to a psychologist? They are trained to uderstand our behaviour.
The other thing is… sounds like you want someone to help/save you. I’m sorry, that doesn’t happen, because YOU really are the only person who can do that. And I think YOU must be pretty special, if you have a boyfriend who loves you, and friends and family who care.
Keep occupied with things you like… sport? art? music? But don’t wait for a knight on a white horse to rescue you. Life is about taking things as they come, so you have to learn how to deal with things, a little at a time.
May I ask if you know the reason you are depressed?
@one_day don’t know why i’m depressed. been this way for almost 9 years now i think. I can only dream for that “knight” but I know s/he’ll never come because life isn’t a fairytale, I know that. I do lots of art, but it is all depressing, involving death or cutting or saddness as best I can draw it…I have many pictures of me commiting suicide, those are my most common drawings… Yes having a bf makes me special I guess, but I can’t feel any of the love he says is there. I had him in my life when I attempted suicide in June, but that didn’t do me any good. I still tried.And I wish I hadn’t failedbecause I’m just going to live another day and another day and I’m dead inside…I could continue but I’m starting to wonder if this is making any sense. I feel like i’m high but I can’tbe.
I never said it was…
@maeliin, don’t dream about the knight. You have to learn how to weild that sword for yourself. I’m not suprised you can’t feel the love from your BF, if you can’t love yourself, how can you love anyone who loves you?
It sounds like you are driving yourself paranoid (I do this all the time!) and you need to step out of your own mentality and mind for a bit. So go force yourself to do something distracting. Cinema? You talk about the art you do, but do you ever go to galleries and look at other people’s art? Sounds like you really need to focus on other things, because you are drivin gyourself mad, getting lost in your own mind?
You never answered about if you are seeing a shrink… also sounds like you could benefit from Cognitive Behavioural therapy…
@dontwantthis, hope you don’t mind the hijacking… and… self harm doesn’t go anywhere… really…
@one_day: No I don’t mind. I know, but when I do It just get’s better.. but afterwards it just hurt. I’ve been trying to stop but I just want to do it again and again.. I don’t know how to stop..
If you really can’t stop it by yourself the only way would to be to tell your mom about it so she keeps the blade out of reach.
@The Absurdist: No I cant tell my mom.. she is just gonna place me at a mental hospital and Im NOT going to a mental hospital.
@dontwantthis: I will tell you how I stopped. One day I was cutting myself and my boyfriend walked in and saw it. A week later I saw cuts all over his chest. I don’t think he’d ever self harmed before. My bad energy had passed to him, and that still didn’t help me any. I haven’t cut since.
@one_day: hm, i see. but it just feels so much better when Im doing it.. i dont know how to cover that “escape” from the pain.
Are you talking about this to a therapist? Because maybe a professional will have more insight into WHY it makes you feel better (in the short term).
Me personally… when I cut, it made me feel better (in the short term) because it was instant gratification. There was something empowering about me DOING something, and feeling the effects straight away. Part of growing up is realising that you can’t have instant gratification all the time – some things do take time and work. Also, there are other (better) ways to feel empowered and to take action. I have been thinking of taking self defense classes for example. Or writing… or music… creative outlets are important.
Either way, the harm (both to yourself and others) outweighs the short term good it makes you feel. Good luck kicking the habit.