Sort of on a depression spree tonight. Nobody wants to talk right now, going to vent and hope someone reads in the morning..
God fuck. So, pathetically annoying story here as people are venting random hating shit on the Facebook for a model train group I’m a part of (yes, that is why the drama is stupid) this week. I’m sorta watching on and off and today I mention that “hey, it’s a fucking hobby, stop being a *****”. And someone writes, “you only run trains and leave a mess, you never do any work around here”.
I’m fucking sixteen, what “work” can I fucking do? You dramatic pessimistic asswipe. I didn’t say that. I don’t have the fucking courage to. Not right now.
I fucking hate hostility. It gets to me every time someone says something mean. Especially to me. Someone tells me to fuck off, I shrug it off on the outside but I fucking die on the inside. It doesn’t matter who said it. At the end of the week it all builds up and I just sit in my room all evening, sometimes cry. I don’t know why. I just get super sensitive about hostility all the time, I can’t stand it. When my friend and her boyfriend get mad at each other it hurts so much for me to watch it, I just want everyone to be friends. it stresses me out so much.
I’m not going to the train club tomorrow even if it’s the day im supposed to be there. I love this hobby. But drama fucks it up for everyone. I’m not ready to deal with bitches this week. Not now.
I’m going through enough changes and shit in my life that I can’t handle. Why the fuck do people have to complicate things even more? God damn it. I cried harder today than I have in at least five months. I should sleep. I can’t.
I just need someone to hear what I’m saying, a hug, and some hot chocolate right now.
4 comments
I have trouble with hostility too. Except in my case I react hostile in return. It’s just I hear a snide comment and I go crazy. I just lash out. I wouldn’t recommend this. Retaliation doesn’t work. At least, not angry retaliation. Could calmly and politely telling them that their comments are hurtful help diffuse the drama? Usually responding calmly to someone’s anger shocks them and tends to make them feel (or makes witnesses feel) that they are in “the wrong.”
Don’t let the drama prevent you from enjoying your hobby. Sometimes hobbies are all we have.
That wasn’t drama. Try not to take the comments personally. We have the same issue, being defensive and all. A few breaths and approach it objectively.
Aww, I actually have hot chocolate (and popcorn) now and wish I could give you a hug… god, you sound exactly like me when I was 16. Everyone fighting bothered me so much I couldn’t even be around them. Years later I worked out what it was – overempathy. Feeling too much and too strongly other people’s pain. It sucks, but to an extent you can control it if you understand it. People are mean, I know. But usually they have their own misguided reasons, so try not to take it to heart.
I’m in my late 40’s now and I used to think, during my teen years, that whenever hostility was directed towards me was because I wasn’t very good at juggling chainsaws. But now that I’m an adult, I’ve finally come to the conclusion that hostility is caused because I prefer to wear pants with cuffs on the bottom rather than creased and fresh from the dry cleaners. You can say all you want about hostility, but I really don’t think that eating glazed donuts and two-day old sushi from the local grocery store is going to make a big difference in how you feel. Perhaps you can try setting up your old VCR and watch a documentary about goldfish, or vaginas, or even about our first manned mission to the moon to try and make you feel better. However, always remember that hostility has been here since the beginning of time and will remain in our society until the end of time, so you might as well dance to Lady Gaga songs on top of your neighbor’s roof but just make sure you get down and go back to your house before your neighbor comes home and wonders why you are on their roof. I hope this has helped you in some way, and at the very least, made you laugh and made you realize that there is a maniacal humorous side to everything — including hostility.