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November 26th, 2011by Black_Scorpio

Today i am lonely as never. I came back from work and got sick again. Laying all day in bed with movies, watched out the window – dark. Totally wasted day. I am totally alone in darkness and city’s voices. Feeling a part of that sounds. My boyfriend said i show too less support for him, so i stopped saying him my problems. He is right. Nobody faults of my shits – just me and i take that responsibility.

Long way to 2012 years. Finally. 2012. Sounds like better times. 2011 was terrible. I hate this year. So many crashes.

Yesterday i was speaking with a real suicider. Well, before that i saved one. His friend, 17 years old girl, took all his tablets and got to deep deep coma. When i came couldn’t do anything, just stabilised blood flow, breathing and hurry up to intensive therapy emergency room. Anyway, it was a good first time of trying to her. She will be lucky if she will be able to use her brain normally. And i was smoking after that outside and took her friend to talk about it. He said he was trying many times like that. His father passed away so all he wants is to die. And first time in my life i didn’t say for him, like DON’T or whatever. I just said i hope he won’t give up and after New Year will go to psychiatric hospital to avoid suiciding. That what his plan is.  I HOPE, BUT I DON’T BELIEVE. He looked really weak of living.

I wish i could help all of them. All of You. But probably first i have to help for myself.

I don’t see any open problem here. Well, i’m upset, i’m lonely and i’m sick. What a hell.

 

 

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