What I’ve been observing on this site so far has me questioning some things.
I’ve only come across nice, intelligent, thoughtful people who happen to be down-on-their-luck, sometimes abused, and suicidal. Life situations aside; why is that? Is it because nice, thoughtful people are more susceptible to life’s pains? Why aren’t more assholes suicidal? I mean really. They would only be doing the world a favor. Maybe that’s too harsh. Maybe I’m just naive. Is it wrong and naive to think that such good souls deserve better? That they do not deserve death? Even if death by their own hands is what they choose?
It makes me feel worse than I already do to see all of these people suffering and lives going to waste. Mine included. I’m just wasting my life away.
I’m not liking this. This world. My depressed state has gotten me to see what a shit hole the world is. That’s not even me being negative – it really is a shit hole.
I think I’d rather be blissfully ignorant. I’d rather be a giant, happy idiot. I hate idiots. I make fun of idiots. Now, I want to be one. I want to be stupid and unaware and not give a shit about anything or anyone.
I want to be an asshole. That’s it. That’s the answer. Become an asshole.
Just thought I’d spread a little Christmas Cheer. har har.
87 comments
“Become an asshole.”
I tried it. It doesn’t work. You have be born an asshole so you can die an asshole. If you try to pretend to be an asshole, they find out, and then they do things to you.
Damn it causeway, why’d you have to crush my dreams of being an asshole? Whyyyyy?
So what sort of things do “they” do to you? Now I’m scared.
They fuck you.
Sorry, couldn’t resist vulgar joke, must be Crimbo effect.
If you play them at their game, it’s still their game. They make up the rules. If you have no capacity for cruelty then you cannot imagine to the depths to which they can go. A simply test involving bullying or being unkind to someone weaker or more vulnerable yourself – for example, at work I was once told to deny leave to a colleague who was my junior. I refused. I found out later it was a test. They used my refusal as evidence that I was not one of them and tortured me from that day on. What made matters worse was that the person whose leave I had granted later joined the assualt on me by reporting to them daily about my ‘weirdness’ ie my inability to be cruel to the people I worked with.
Lmao!
I had to actually look up ‘Crimbo’. Is that one of your many Irish-isms? lol
Oh my god. What a fucking jerk. I can’t believe that. Well, no, I can. I can’t really be an asshole. It’s just my wishful thinking. I don’t REALLY want to be an ass. I’ve joined in on making fun of my peers in school one time and I still feel bad about it. I did’t even really make fun of her, I just laughed and let it happen. Even though, like you, that person that I assisted in making fun of ended up screwing me over later. It’s just…being a jerk seems to have its perks…like not wanting to kill yourself.
i don’t get why people have to be assholes, i mean why they’re fucking doing this? FOR what?
I don’t like this world too. It’s shit and that’s a huge fact. Nobody can deny that.
And your right the only way to survive here in this loving world is to become an asshole.
As sad as it is…
Who ever created this world needs to be fired.
If i was God i would create 2 worlds, one world where i would put all the jerks and one other world for the rest of the people. EVERYONE would be happy then right? God didn’t think of that apparently….. If he exists.
I have encountered plenty of people who were completely assholes for no reason at all, when i mean completely i mean completely, i’m not talking about teenagers, (i’m willing to give them an excuse because of their age) i’m talking about adults 20-25years old. (and older) Sometimes i’m just surprised how someone can be so asshole.
I’m jumping from a bridge soon enough, i won’t have to deal with any more of this.
out of topic, There are about 855,000 suicides each year according to this site
http://www.peterrussell.com/Odds/WorldClock.php
not sure if it’s accurate though.
you can also select year,month,week,day or now.
pretty cool site
I know right?! God must be an asshole then…if he exists. Which I don’t think he does. But IF he does, you suck God! *You can’t see this but I’m giving him the finger*.
The only way to make it is to be an asshole and I can’t do it! I’m screwed.
Wow, that’s a lot of suicides. There’s probably more, I’ll bet..
I’d have to agree with causeway.
I’ve tried the whole asshole, be a dick and a troll to people. In the end leaves you feeling either more angry & depressed or no where else different except the thought that you just angered or saddened another person who probably didn’t deserve it per se.
Really, true nice people finish last – and most of the time they can’t help it. Strange enough, even though I’m down I’d still rather be this than some asshole who finds it perfectly normal to be cruel to others.
Yeah, I’d end up hating myself for sure. If only I were born to be an asshole. But then I’d just be another asshole. This world has enough of them already.
I’m glad you’re not an asshole. It’s so refreshing to meet other non-assholes. (How many times can I spell asshole in one thread?) Granted, nice people who want to off themselves.
“It’s just…being a jerk seems to have its perks…like not wanting to kill yourself.”
That is true. I used to fantasise that such people lived in a personal hell that I knew nothing about. But they don’t. They love it. They love being assholes. We don’t stand a chance against them, which is why you need defence mechanisms if you are to survive.
I dunno where Crimbo came from – I always thought it was a funny word and I use it at Christmastime to annoy people who are religious – must be the Scrooge in me shining through.
You seem to be on good form – have you been at the liqueurs. I know I have.
I used to think the same. Oh, they’re just tortured souls who have a deep-seated hatred for themselves. But no. They do love it! They love being jerks. Who would have thought?
I think I’ll steal that word. I like annoying pushy religious people. :]
lol, nah, I don’t know what’s gotten into me. For like three days straight I was in this dream-like state where I felt nothing at all. I didn’t have any emotions, I didn’t feel like eating or speaking. Then, today, it’s like I woke up. I woke up drunk or high. Strange, huh?
@willtickin
“In the end leaves you feeling either more angry & depressed or no where else different except the thought that you just angered or saddened another person who probably didn’t deserve it per se.”
This is absolutely the truth. In their hierarchy you always end kicking downwards, and usually end up kicking some poor bastard who’s not unlike yourself.
Anyway, I have no time to be an asshole; I need all my energies to be an idiot.
lol. So tell me, idiot, is being an idiot better than being an asshole?
I too wish I could go through life completely ignorant, merely existing, but my mind won’t allow it. I’m all too aware of the state of this world.
Ah, yes, it’s hard to become unaware once you’re already aware. You have to be committed to being unaware way ahead of time to be ignorant.
“For like three days straight I was in this dream-like state where I felt nothing at all. I didn’t have any emotions, I didn’t feel like eating or speaking. Then, today, it’s like I woke up. I woke up drunk or high. Strange, huh?”
Actually, it sounds as though you are depressed – that’s how it takes you sometimes, mood swings and irrational bursts of energy. You probably need to reach an equilibrium, but I’m not sure how you could do that – something that distributes your energy, parcels it up so can use it properly. Not sure if that makes sense to you.
I know. This happens all the time. I hate it. I actually feel okay right now, like, happy. But it won’t last and that’s what I hate about it.
That makes sense, but, how? Yeah, I know you don’t know. You’re the same way. It’s like the blind leading the blind.
I do feel full of energy, like I could just scream.
“lol. So tell me, idiot, is being an idiot better than being an asshole?”
Assholery is a job, idiocy is a vocation.
Lol, assholery. Nice.
But, you said you have to be born an asshole…so how can it be a job? Did you say that because of your idiocy? Hm…
You see – I am a contradictory fool.
Nothing makes sense, except over a number of years a consistent pattern of losing and pain emerges. Then you know which you are.
Causeway, isn’t everyone full of contradictions? I know I am
I would also point out that if you believe in God, at least from a Christian perspective, that you believe in the notion of free will. In other words, God created this world, gave man free will, and God plays little to no part in it, having left man only with a general set of moral guidelines. Other than that, humans are left to their own devices, for better or worse. Hence, why there is inequality, famine, war, disease, and general suffering a chaos worldwide. Or you believe that there is no God, that we’re simply self-aware animals and you reach the same conclusion. We have built and control this world, and all of the negatives of this life are generally caused by humanity’s shortcomings.
@Shadow, or you could say asshole’s shortcomings. I mean really. Do any nice people run the world? Hell no. The world is run by greedy assholes, that’s why life sucks. Not their life of course, ours.
Even if you became an asshole, and left us depressed people, you would be none the wiser. Even when I fight to kill myself, I also fight to learn. to know. to help others in anyway I can
I’ve come to the conclusion that it’ not really possible to help people – surely an act of kindness in a world of unremitting cruelty is actually an act of unkindness – it engenders false hope, and it induces a further want in those who are wanting – be that want of love or work or company; I admit to being slightly dumbstruck by the stark choices to be faced on this site – help people live/help people die. How is that even a choice; how did we get to this point?
@solitarywalker, yeah I know. Don’t get your hopes up, I’m not going to leave you depressed people and become an asshole any time soon.
Causeway, I think that most people want to help people live. Even if those people don’t want to live. Me, it’s in my nature to want to help people live, not die. I’ve had to come to terms with letting people want to die. That’s a hard choice. It’s like to be a good person you would automatically think, duh, tell them not to kill themselves. That’s not always the case.
That inspired a question: So should I be mean to people who want to die, then?
Well, I already feel like an asshole, because I’m twelve. A fucking twelve year old that can only get the courage to kill myself once…and that chance was wasted in the hospital. So yeah, I guess I am an asshole already…but that didn’t help me. I hope that you can get over this….but I’m still depressed and shitty feeling, and I usually have good luck. Well, I’m a suicidal cutter so not the best luck. Anyway, I hope that you will survive without being miserable
You’re only twelve? Jesus. Well, I hope that YOU can get through this life and not be miserable. Trying to kill yourself doesn’t make you an asshole, though. As we’ve established…assholes live carefree happy lives. :]
I’d have to think about that one. But it’s not a question of being mean to people who want to die – it’s the act of offering solace or hope or consolation to someone who is beyond them. Is that cruel? Does it cause more damage? More hurt?
I get what you’re saying.
Well, let me ask you specifically, is my niceness cruel to you?
No its not trying to kill myself, its being completly miserable, and not being able to take my own life. I miss my old life thats true, if i had it, nothing would’ve gone wrong. If I had never been three-nine years old none of this would’ve happened
Oh, I see. I still don’t think that it makes you an asshole. Well, I don’t know you, obviously, but being so young (3-9) I would imagine that something happened to you that was out of your hands to make you so miserable. So, it’s not your fault you feel how you do.
Not to me, no. But I am not in the darkest place yet.
And please, I am not talking about your posts specifically, or anyone’s, I guess what is happening is that I am anticipating for myself what it is like to be at the end of things – end of patience, end of hope, end of comfort – by reading the posts here and I, personally, have begun to feel conflicted about interfereing – like I am the damned preaching to the dead.
But it’s a judgement call – how to differentiate between a cry for help and someone asking to be left alone – vocalising it.
I was just wondering, I didn’t know what place you were currently at.
Well, it’s so hard to tell sometimes. In my opinion, if you’re on this site it’s like a cry for help in itself. Unless you are looking for ways to die. But that still could be a cry for help. Only that person knows.
well, it its self didnt make me miserable at the time. well…some of it did. Three to nine was when i lived all over the world. I lived in Egypt, Denmark, Italy, France, Germany, Poland, Switzerland…ect. ect. I lived everywhere. Now I only have memories. And you know how when a memory slips away part of your life does too? I lived in london last year. I knew that i would never travel again, because my parents could no longer afford it. That wasnt all that was troubling me…but im not going to put that stuff. I decided that i had lived a good life, everyday i was elated. So i decided that it would only be fair to end it. Last year i wasnt depressed. I wanted to die becuase it would make me happy, and i knew that if i wasnt successful soemthing (not going to say) bad would happen
So not having a steady home didn’t depress you? Like, you were always uprooted. Even if travelling was fun, was there a place that was your constant home? A place you could go back to?
I know what you mean about memories. I can’t remember a lot of my life. I usually remember the bad things though instead of the good.
Im in indiana..the third most depressing place on earth
1 Auschwitz
2 Nebraska
3 Indiana
thats the list of the three most depressing places ive ever been
Well, I came here looking for methods. It was one of a number of sites I visited, amd your original post was, I think, actually the first I read, so I felt inspired to sign up and reply. And I’m not dead yet – take that as a compliment.
It’s very late here, so I’m off. Hope you have a good day tomorrow, get all that poltergeist energy you have under good auspices.
“Im in indiana..the third most depressing place on earth”
You’ve obviously never visited Belfast. 😉
@TheGoodGirl Travel is still my life. My old boyfriend lives in Rome, it is still my dream to go back there. Travel never made me unhappy, my home became the world. And anyway, i live in a tower in my home. it sounds awesome until you live there. Your isolated with no privacy. ITS HORRIBLY IMPOSSIBLE!!! it really sucks. I’m only happy now away from home, mostly at choir. I’m in a high choir at ICC. I’ve found it that if you’ve lost something, or if your very very sad, you sound better when singing, you make better art, and you write beautifully…even if my poems are all about death.
Solitary, lol two of them are in the US! That’s saying alot.
Causeway, I will take that as a compliment. Thank you. :]
Belfast is depressing? So if I ever get to Ireland is there a not depressing place there? lol
Alright, good night, get some sleep. Hope you have a good day. Merry Christmas.
I have actually, i have a friend there. I loved it, but the barbed wire and murles were depressing
@TheGoodGirl Merry Christmas whoever you are 🙂
Solitary, You certainly have been to a lot of places. Places I’ve never been and might not ever go. Think about it like that. Positively. At least you’ve seen some of the world.
Anyway, you’re so young, I think you deserve to give your life a chance. Don’t do yourself in yet! Realize your dream of going back to Rome someday.
Merry X-mas to you too, solitary. :]
Well, there are things i left out, just in case there, lets hope not, people younger than me on this site…just in case. But if you(which i have no idea how old you are) can live another year, so can I
@solitary, I think you might be one of the only people around here that has the same wanderlust as me, so I can relate. Most people think you’re some kind of deficient, if you don’t have a stable home. Personally, having a stable home has always brough me nothing but trouble (bills, shitty landlords, ex-tennants debt collectors, tv liscence guys) Life is simpler and more exciting on the road. You’re young, when you’re a bit older you can pick up travelling right where you left off.
@good girl – people are nice because they are sensitive and have undergone hardship. That’s why everyone here is nice, but it just sucks that something horrible has to happen to you before you become a nice person.
@one_day life on the road is just simpler…but i’m a little afraid that i know who you are…do you work in a prison? just asking
@solitary Haha don’t be afraid, I don’t know you at all. I don’t work in a prison (although I have come close to doing time) 30yr old female lived in US and UK, currently in australia and travelled 4 continents. I dont’ know any 12 year olds, so fairly sure we don’t know each other. So why would you think you know who I am?
Oh, my shrink is a fifty year old woman, we’re close friends, and even she doesnt know about me being suicidal. She is always on the run though. I believe shes jealous of me for living in 16 countries. Her name is Kathryn, shes awesome….and works as a prison shrink
@SOLITARY I don’t understand.. she’s your shrink and she doesn’t know you;re suicidal? so you haven’t told her? You should tell her, seems like you have a good relationship, and you can’t get any help from therapy unless you’e honest.
well, i dont want help…now i sound like an obnoxious teen, but its true, id rather die…and have you noticed how all of the interesting people are on here? I wouldnt think tht someone like you would be on here, or suicidal? im confused, whats your story?
Id like to say merry christmas from wales :).. Its depressing here too so no hard feelings. This asshole thing sounds kinda good. (sorry for butting in mid convo) Will anybody help me brighten up my christmas day and join me in being an asshole for day?.. let me kno if you are willing now and then post back on here tomorrow night just so we can see if it actually makes you feel any better about yourself?
@one_day, I wasn’t trying to make it sound like someone who moves alot is deficient. Sorry if that’s how I came across. It’s just kind of common for people who don’t have a stable home to be depressed. You two are the exception. Honestly, I wish I had the means to travel. Cause I would be all over the place. And I’ve been a nice person since, well, my whole life. I’m always getting shitted on by assholes. That’s why I thought I’d become one.
@solitary, I’m 20 years old, since you were wondering. And I sure hope there aren’t any individuals one here younger than you. Even if you don’t want help…I still wish you’d reconsider.
Merry Christmas, jimby1. Lol, I think I’d rule out being an ass for tomorrow, just because I’ll only be around my parents and I think that’s a bad idea. So, maybe another day. Although, you’re more than welcome to give it a try and post back here.
@solitary haha yes you sound like an obnoxious teen but that’s ok, we all are a little bit! Ok, you dont want help, so I guess you just want to talk to interesting people.
‘Someone like me’… hmmm, what do you know about me?
Well yess I have been depresessed since 11 but not consistantly. I’ve always managed to keep it under wraps by travelling/changing my circumstances. I move towns a lot. I like challenged – stability actually makes me bored and depressed. So yeah, this year my condition suddnely became much worse… fallout from a terrible relationship in NYC with a suicidal guy… then I moved back to perth western australia to live with my mum for 3 months to try to mend our relationship. In fact it only got worse, now I realise how much I hate her and she has cut my self esteem to the point where I ended up on this site trying to research suicide techniques.
I’m not going to die. I can’t, it wil hurt too many people. But that doesn’t mean I’m not depressed sometimes, and doesn’t mean I don’t think about it.
ahh you just seem cheery, and ik tht it doesnt mean tht you are..but you sound nice. im sorry tht you are depressed
@goodgirl nonono that comment wasn’t directed at you! I’m just saying, I’ve been living practically out of a suitcase since I was 17 (13 years now?) and the reaction i get from a lot of people is ‘what is WRONG with you???’ And, I dont’ have a lot of money either. Travelling cheap is feasible if you’re resourcesful and willing to rough it a bit. I hitchhike sometimes, and camp and stuff.
You’re a nice person. Don’t fight your nature, just be true to yourself. Just because you’re nice doesn’t mean you have to take shit either. You can stand up to assholes (to an extent – I’ve given up on family, but other people.. you can just walk away)
@thegoodgirl ok it was worth a shot.. i am going to be an asshole tomorrow as now ive got something to get out of bed for.. an actual purpose for the day.. right now im going to sleep as its 4am and im going to need all the energy ive got to make it as an asshole for the day.. goodnight everybody …p.s you all need to be on here tomorrow night to hear my story which will be titled “story of an asshole” appropriate huh? 🙂
@one_day, oh okay! Well, I don’t think moving around so much is wrong. There’s so many places, why pick just one I guess? The reason I brought it up in the first place was because solitary is 12 and I thought maybe that’s why…
You aren’t afraid to hitchhike? Lol, I’m like afraid of everything. I’d be too scared to hitch. I’d feel better if I was packin’ or had a knife on me though.
Thanks. For the majority of my life I’ve been shy and a pushover, just recently I’ve started to not take so much shit. I’ve learned my lesson. Couldn’t take it anymore. That’s not to say in the future I won’t take it.
@jimby, glad to give you a purpose for the day. Goodnight. & I will return to read your story. Can’t wait. lol :]
@TheGoodGirl never take shit from anyone that you dont want to okay?
@goodgirl yeah, I DON’T reccomend hitchiking to anyone. I have personal reasons for doing it but, you know I’m weird like that. I’m glad you’re learning to not take shit from people. I was also painfully shy and docile until I was about 12, then I got sick of being that sensitive crybaby kid and started to stand up for myself. But you know, deep down, I’m still that sensitive crybaby kid! I hope you keep staying strong, dont let the assholes win!
@one_day, I was that sensitive crybaby kid too! I still am a crybaby. Haha
I try, sometimes my shyness gets the best of me.
dont, if it does, just imagine that everyine you meet is the one tht will save you. If you do tht you open up, make friends, and stop being a pushover
But you can’t always rely on other people to save you. I’ve had friends. Plenty of them. And where are they now? They all deserted me in my time of need. Not all people are like that. I just happened to rely on them. My “best friends”.
@googdgirl I’ll bet people like you for being sensitive though. Sensitive people are good listeners and good at making other people feel better. The double edged sword is that when you need people to make you feel better, it seems opther people aren’t very good at it! Chin up, I’ll bet you have a few people who really treasure you.
THAT is so true. The double edged sword.
Thank you. Well, my parents are people who treasure me, that’s a start. Not so sure about friends…
@good girl – what happened to your friends? I’m sure you at least used to have a lot, you are obviously intelligent and caring. I have a tendency to push my friends away whenever I have a manic episode. My friends don’t know about my depression so they don’t understand why I puch away. Consequently I have lost several groups of friends. Did something like this happen?
Well, one of my close friends actually did sort of reach out to me. She said she wanted to pull me out of my “funk”. Now, this friend I’d had for 8 years or so and throughtout that time she frequently used me to make herself feel better. Like, critisizing me. She called me weird and strange a lot. She had a longtime boyfriend and other “best friends” that she would constantly ditch me for. Then knowing I’d always be around like the doormat I am, she would expect me to be there at her every beck and call. She was always making false promises and lying to me. It wasn’t always all bad, but the bad overshadowed the good times. I took her crap for years and then when she reached out to me (over facebook, like, why not call me?) I just lashed out. I pushed her away. So she replied back to me very condescendingly and like she was better than me. All very high school. I ended up deleting my facebook, not just because of her, but every one of my “friends” were so shallow and it got to be so irritating. So, me pushing people away and them not reaching out to me led to the end of my friendships.
Can I ask why you push people away? You seem like a very nice person too, by the way. :]
Thankyou. I am nice in the typical 2 sided way that depressed people can be… nice one minute, then lashing out the next. Rollercoaster.
It’s hard to comment, not knowing your friends. I don’t like to make judgements unless I meet people in real life… initially I would say if someone reachest out, you should take the hand and forgive everything, and forgive people for not living up to your impossibly high expectations. But if what you say is true.. she kinda doesn’t sound like a very good friend.
It’s a shame your friends are all shallow. But let me ask you… are they bad people? do they treat you unkindly? Because… people can’t help the way they are. They can’t help being shallow or deep or stupid or smart. Those things don’t matter. All that matters is: are they good people (in their own niave way) and do they treat you with respect? If yes, then… I think it’s worthwhile learning to forgive shallowness.
Why I push people away… well initially I wanted to protect them from my miserable feelings. Lost a few friends that way. I push boys away because I don’t know how to accept love, it’s how I was brought up. Trying to fix all these things 🙂
Wow. I’m retarded, you said when you have a manic episode. Since I’m not manic though, I don’t know the whys. Like, why would a manic episode make you push people away?
Because… when I’m misreable I don’t want to infect my friends with my misery. When I am well, my brain is normal and healthy, filled with normal healthy logic. When I am having an episode, my brain becomes my enemy, and turns EVERYTHING into some kind of proof why I suck as a human being. So when I am having an episode, the little voice tells me ‘your bf is with you out of guilt, he doesn’t really love you’ so I push him away to set him free. things like that.
Yeah, I find myself lashing out at people too. Today was weird for me because I was in an unusually good mood. Who knows what the hell mood I’ll be in tomorrow.
This is biased but, she wasn’t a good friend to me. I had forgiven her so many times before that. I’m a forgiving person. But, I couldn’t take it anymore. I thought I deserved to be treated better, so I kind of lost it. I didn’t actually start cussing her out or anything, I just told her the feelings that were bottled up for so long. I get that lovely little trait from my father. I just appeared hostile and she became defensive. The conversation we had ended up on a sort of friendly note I suppose…she hasn’t tried reaching out since then. That was over a year ago.
The shallow friends I had? Yeah, I guess most of them were nice people. They were never mean to me. Well, a few of them might have been. But they were the type of friends I felt like I couldn’t be honest with. Not deep conversation honest. Not pull me back from the brink of despair honest.
Oh, you answered my question anyway. lol Are you in therapy or are you trying to fix those things on your own?
I’m glad you’re in a good mood today. In this life, we must take what we can get.
It’s so weird, your ex-friend sounds like my sister… she just came up yesterday to hang for my birthday… and she drives me nuts because I knwo she loves me but she can’t help being a complete ***** to me and criticising everything i do and saying mean things about me. (told me no one likes me. This is actually not true, I can be very charming when I can be bothered and it’s easy for me to make friends, just hard to keep them). Anyway, she’s gone, I breathe a sigh of relief, spent the whole day with her in tears because she… just can’t help being the way she is, any more than I can help being an oversensitive crybaby. She’s not a bad person, just really gotta limit the time spent together.
The same thing happened with my sis also… I had all this resentment for her bullying bottling up. then when it came out, I was too angry and said all the things in a way which … was not constructive. I regret it. I think in future I would make sure that I instigated having a discussion, instread of waiting to be provoked and therefore angry.
I’m not saying to put a lot of stock in your shallow friends… probably you can’t rely on them… but don’t cut them off if they don’t deserve it, is all.
well, I try to fix myself on my own. I’m good at figuring people out, myself included. But I’m starting to think I need to go into therapy because I need some objectivity. The main problem is my unpredicatable schedule. And I am spontaneous, and I hate having this appointment, what if I want to hit the road or there is a good party? I tend to skip a lot of boring things like… appointments…
Happy belated birthday!
Aw, sorry she made you cry. Even if that’s the way she is, she should have made some sort of effort to be nicer. Especially telling you no one likes you and on your birthday, jeez. That’s a horrible thing to say.
I have a terrible sister too. On another post I talked about how she’s a drug addict and doesn’t take care of her 3 year old son. I still sleep with a nightlight because when I was 3 or 4 she shut me in my dark room and told me there were monsters in there coming to get me or something. The lock is on the inside, so she had to stand on the outside holding the door closed listening to me screaming and crying. I don’t believe in monsters anymore, but I still can’t sleep in the dark.
Lol, well, if you have a good thing going like figuring things out on your own, then maybe you don’t need appointments. What if you end up paying this person for stuff you could have figured out on your own?
Yes it’s a horrible thing to say. My mum tells me the same thing. I think that they subconsciously hate or resent me on some level.. I mean, why else would you say things like that to your daughter?! Sometimes I think my sister is jealous because I can be… ‘enigmantic’ and centre of attention. I actaully HATE being centre of attention. But it happens. I’m opinionated so I talk alot!
My family are impossible. Even my one other sane sister tells me: that’s how they are. You’re never going to change them so you have to STOP TRYING! She’s right, but… it’s so hard. It’s my nature to make things better, including people, but most people just think I’m being a know it all. I told my sister ‘the only thing I want for my birthday is for you to TRY a little harder to be a bit less volatile and nicer’ and she just told me to stop being so sensitive, and if I weren’t always blaming her for everything she wouldn’t have to be. Sigh, it’s a vicious cycle.
I’m sorry about your sister… how much older that you is she? and… how long has she been a drug addict? and… who looks after the kid? it all sounds so… urgh. Was she on drugs when she locked you in? Why would you do that?
it’s always valueble to have an objective opinion, or at least someone to vent to, as you know if you don’t vent it bottles up and explodes. So you can’t put a price on that. I really should commit to seeing a shrink. I’m such a comitmentphobe…
Christ, your mom is like that too? I’m so sorry. It’s not even your fault, it’s theirs. You aren’t being too sensitive, they just are being mean and rude. God. Some people don’t get it, huh?
Your sister is like completely avoiding taking responsibility for her actions torwards you. She’s blaming the victim!
My sister, she’s only my half sister, by the way. Dad’s side, result of a teen pregnancy. She’s 30 years old. She’s been doing drugs since, well, she was a teenager. Her drug of choice now is heroin.
The kid’s father’s mother is looking after him. I should also mention the father is on drugs. They do heroin together! Lovely, right? I don’t think she was on drugs when that happened. She would have been 13 or 14. She is jealous of me though. Her admittance. That’s probably why she did that to me. I think she’s done other stuff to me, aside from being a rotten sister in general, that I’ve chosen to block out. Unfortunately I can’t forget that feeling of being locked in a dark room.
Since you know it’s good to vent, make it a priority to commit to your appointment. Ah, I really don’t know what to say since I’m not a commitmentphobe. hah I’m pretty much the opposite, I like having a schedule. Change freaks me out.
My mum is worse. My sister has the same personality. It’s not anyones fault, it’s just… people can’t help the way they are. And everyone keeps telling me, you can’t change them, you’re just driving yourself crazy by trying. And they’re right. My sister is a lawyer. You can’t talk to her, she’s just twist it all up, there’s no logic.
I’m so sorry about your sister. and heroin is the worst, most destructive, de-humanising drug… I’ll assume everyone has tried to talk to them about it. Do you have distance from them? If they’re not ready to help themselves, sometimes it’s better to cut contact for a while.
So your sister is jealous of you and she admits it. I wonder if she is a bit self loathing because of this… it’s not a nice thing to be jealous of your own sister. A lot of people who do drugs like drugs because… they make you not hate yourself temporarily. Have you ever been to therapy about the things your sister did to you? or are you happy to keep them blocked out?
I suppose you’re right, there’s nothing you can do about it. Still…I don’t even think that them just being them is a good enough excuse. I don’t know.
“You can’t talk to her, she’s just twist it all up, there’s no logic.” That’s my sister. She twists your words to mean something totally different. She can make anyone the bad guy instead of taking responsibility. I am currently completely distanced from her and her boyfriend. And unfortunately my nephew. Everyone has tried to help her, she refuses. She’s also an adult and has to decide to help herself, which she really hasn’t.
She does loathe herself, I think. She shot up in my bathroom two x-mases ago. She was acting weird (at this point we didn’t know she was on heroin) and the boyfriend noticed and got them the hell out of there so fast. She later admitted that she wanted to feel numb. My mom asked her why? She didn’t answer. I’ve never been to therapy. I don’t know if I’m blocking out memories or if I really can’t recall them. I can’t recall a lot of things. I probably need hypnoses.
You’re right, it’s not a good excuse, but at some point you have to accept some things are not rational and logical. You can’t change it, things are the way they are. This is how rational people go insane!
Can’t you vist your nephew if he is with the father’s parents? (they are not junkies too, I hope)
I wonder… sound like a family gathering like xmas provoked something in your sister. She wanted to feel numb. Meaning before, she felt bad. I’m going to take a stab in the dark, she’s jelous of you, maybe she feels the family love you more than her? Do you want to talk to your sister about all this or are you over it, with all the abuse?
If you can’t recal a lot of things you’re probably blocking them out. you can try hypnotherapy…
Yes, it’s just hard to accept.
Yeah, I could visit him. But like I told hbmom, she’s so busy and I feel like I’m annoying or weird going through her to see him.
I think it’s because she seen all of the pictures of me on the wall right before she shot up. But long ago she told my mom she didn’t want to “fucking come over here” anymore. It’s not like there are no pictures of her anywhere. There are. It’s just I’m my mom’s daughter, she has a right to put pictures of me up. I guess my sister’s mom doesn’t have pictures of my sis in her house, I don’t know?
I’ve tried talking to my sister, it always leads to fights. Right now though, I’m over it. The only thing I’m not over is the nephew situation.
I should really look into hypnotherapy.
Sounds like your sis isn’t ready to talk so you prob made the right choice to be ‘over it’. Really sounds like she has issues, I’ll bet she’s struggling with depression herself.
Maybe you can offer to babysit your nephew as a way to spend time with him?
Hope you’re getting some hard earned zzsz’s.
Ahh, one_day I didn’t really get my hard earned zzz’s. Only a few hours. I’m tired.
My sis is depressed I think. I know she has seen therapists in the past. Since we’re not close though I don’t know much about it.
That sux. I took sleeping pills. It’s bad, that I have been taking them every day this week, because I build up tolerance, and sleeping pills also make depression worse. But I feel better today so hopefully can give the pills a break.
I have to take sleeping pills too. Actually I took one last night….and the entire last week. I wish I could just sleep without them. It does suck. Glad you’re feeling okay today :]
nite GG…sleep well.
Thank you adastra. :]
I wanted to say that you seem like a really nice, caring, helpful person.
I did respond to you in my other post…not sure if you saw it what with all of the fast moving comments.