My Story,
All my lyfe ive been compared, contrasted, and told i never tried my best. Im a sophomore in high school and this year especially, ive been having many thought about suicide. I have strict asian parents who dont take anything but a’s. I have a lot of pressure on my shoulders and when i told my parents ive wanted to something else besides a doctor or do another major than pre-med, they would get mad or tell me im stupid. Ive wanted to chase after my dreams as a musician and an artist. My parents never accepts the idea no matter how many time i tell them. Ive been told a lot of negative things and one of my close friends just passed away on my birthday last year as the result of a car runover. I was depressed for a couple of months and ended up not passing my ap bio exam. My parents felt disgraced. In the past few weeks i feel like my life has been falling apart and my family is never in a good condition anymore. I feel like if i can just die and end this pain, it may be my best way out. Im not allowed to chase after what i like and being told to take a lot of challenging classes while getting straight a’s. I told my parents im not as talented in science and school as other asian kids and im more talented in the arts, they wont listen and rejects the idea. Maybe suiciding is the way to go. Maybe i’ll do it on my birthday this year, so i can reunite with my friend in heaven…and end all this pain that brings my family disgrace.
23 comments
Here’s the thing ‘flamin’,
Our parents ‘often’ had tough lives, they didnt have the choices younger people have nowdays, so this made them fairly strict & disciplined if they were too survive. So that is mostly what they know. ie to survive, you must have a good education and grades and then a good job, etc.
Also, try not to get your self worth from others, rather get it from yourself. try understand not all people are good communicators, most often our parents, but thats okay. Their intentions are good.
I say “if” you do have the aptitude for med school, then give it a shot. You reward yourself & your parents fight & funding to get you there. But i also say there is no good reason you cannot do/pursue music on the side, especially since that is a passion. Humans are multivariable and you sound too talented to me to give up on either.
The past you can’t change, the future you can. Now go do it ….
Stay well & Take care.
Ad Astra
@fz; If you decide on pursuing a career that you don’t want, just to please them, you’ll wind up miserable. It’s your life, do what you want.
Your parents probably want nothing but the best for you; but as an adult you’re free to make your own decisions. Even if that means taking a path that they wouldn’t approve of.
correction: I meant “when” you become an adult you can make your own decisions.
Hi flamin_zhangy, I’m Asian too, and I was born to pretty strict family too. My parents accept nothing but A’s and B’s. One time, my younger brother had a C, and he got scolded, and was compared to me and my older siblings. I feel bad for him,
Bascially what I’m saying here is, you’re not alone, and just want to tell you that the thought of suicide isn’t always the answer to everything. I’ve heard of several students who actually committed suicide, either becuase they’ve been constantly pressured from their family, or pressure from themselves. But please think twice before you choose suicide.
Do you have close friends who can help you? What about your siblings? Have you tried talking to your parents about how you feel?
Being a doctor is a great career, but it isn;t always great if it’s not your passion. Majority of people view “art” major as something that’s useless. But personally, if it’s your passion, then you can do so many things with it.
Best-luck to you, and feel free to respond back.
So basically you have to live for your parents. That is so old school. The rules are a disgrace…you’re being judged as a human doing not a human being and for the very special, fantastic person you are. It’s all about unconditional love…period. Your parents best love you unconditionally by loving you for the simple fact that you’re in their life and that you are not measured by accolades and grades…what’s important is that you feel good inside for you, not to please anyone else…period. If you only had one day to live…would you follow your bliss, what makes your heart sing, or would you listen to your parents…Good luck!
Im Asian too. My parents were never strict. In fact the used to give money to go out and get sozzled. Maybe we should swap because they would be happier if I was a rock musician like you than a lawyer as I ended up.
I think you should do your best at school and pursue your artistic dreams.
Bruce Dickinson the lead singer of iron maiden is also an airline pilot.
Sting used to be a teacher
And so many other musicians also have highly academic backgrounds.
Good points Duke. Greg Graffin from Bad Religion has a PhD in Zoology. He’s been in a band for 30 years and managed to earn a doctorate.
Brian May – Astrophysics
Milo (singer from the Decendents). PhD in Biochemistry from UC San Diego.
Prof Brian Cox, Particle Physics was in a top 40 band ages back, worked at Cern andnow does TV shows On Science stuff for BBC.
Think multivariable talent 🙂
Mira Aroyo (Ladytron)—Molecular biology, Oxford University
ps im pretty sure she is married but i ‘like’ her …
sigh….i still cant get these depressing thoughts out of my hear but thx for helping….
Tom Morello, guitarist from Rage Against the Machine, went to Harvard. He earned a degree there in Political Science. (I’m cheating though now. I googled “rock stars with college degrees”). Anyways, flamin_zhangy, hopefully this will provide you with ammo you can use to convince your parents that even with a degree, if your muse is art, there’s a chance that’s what you’ll gravitate towards.
really lucy? wow didnt know that …. very cool.
Im sure there are plenty of non famous people out there who do their ‘job’ and also play for fun mostly because they enjoy it ….
the solution is simple flamin, find/search a career you would a) be good at and b) enjoy even somewhat.
Then play/pursue music on the side.
Students can also sometimes have an idealistic take on life, forget about that, life is mostly hard work, be you a doctor or a musician. What we do is interesting but the people around us are usually what give a grey life colours.
Take Care,
(stop thinking you are the first asian student who thinks their parents expectations are to high ~ you are likely part of the majority).
~ We cant change the past, but alas, we can change our present and from there we can change the future.
@Adastra; Yes, the power of the www. You can research anything instantly, even if the validity of your findings are somewhat dubious.
hmm, thx lucy … me gotta get me some of that interwebs stuff …..ty…
interweb…that’s the stuff Spiderman shoots out of his palm when he’s flying around?
Have I started a name the cleverest musician competition.
Anyway, I’ve just been slated by some idiot for no reason. I could have said something but will keep the moral high ground and left it which is what you should do with your parents.
I fully understand the situation. I’m Sikh jatt remember. But because my parents went through what you are it made it easier for me. They will eventually turn once they realise that they risk pushing you away. It seems like your parents are too busy listening to the bollocks that the other Asians talk. That right bollocks and tell em I said that. Their kids will end up screwed because believe me matey, they wish they could me more like you.
no lucy, the interwebs is a theorized and often speculated (is that a tautology?) highly intelligent neural network of spatially seperate connectors which i believe are used to share a hell of a lot of porn around 🙂
sad waste … but alas …
Very good guys. Quite a few impressive names.
@Flamin
Not Asian at all but my parents insisted that I become a doctor or lawyer to secure my future. And truth is both fields are lucrative.
But if your heart is not in it then you will not do well despite skill.
You mentioned in your post that you are more artistically inclined.
Couple of choices… go ahead with your parents wants and go to medical school… land if they can pay for it and help you it would be easier because med school is no joke. When you graduate, go into music. In your free time during school work on your music and art to keep it fresh.
Or you can just go into your music and art after you graduate school and work and live on your own depending on how your parents feel about it.
With my family beating me about the head with religion and their ideas of becoming a “gentleman” with marriage and kids I never knew what i wanted to be (in terms of a job – I knew what I wanted to be at six but it is impossible) until a few years ago.
And yes I could go get training but I’m fed up with trying. And the limitations that education and actually working in the field would put on me.
So please , whatever your choice hold on to and practice your dreams as much as you can.
Even if temporarily having to go for your parents goals still do what you want.