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Last minute check list

by deadright

Here I am trying to catch up on last minute details.

I had a fun time writing my own obituary and even put some humor in it. I am going to leave it in my home taped to my refrigerator along with my handwritten, live and dead wills. I understand that if you just type it out and sign it, the document can be contested. The same goes for DNR orders and suicide notes. You can write a short version of the note by hand for the police department, photocopy it and put them in separate envelopes. You can then type up a long version where you can completely spill your guts, so to speak, and make at least three copies that you will sign and date and if possible note the time you started and the method used for self deliverance. The police and hospital will probably take a copy each, so if you want someone else to read the note put it in a separate envelope with the persons’ name and address on it along with a postage stamp. Leave the envelope unsealed so the cops can inspect it. Put a post-it note on the envelope asking someone to mail it for you. I have done all this already.

One thing that still has a little indecision involved is the place for all this to take place. I had considered in my own house in my own comfortable reclining chair where it is private, but the biggest drawback to that is that my mortal coil will probably not be discovered for at least one or two months. Even though the house would be unheated and it is winter time, I would probably stink up the place and make it difficult for my landlord to rent the place.  See, I am even being considerate in my final days. 🙂

The other half of the coin is to do the deed in my (kind-of) junky car. The complication with that is both premature discovery or no discovery. As the real estate agents say, location, location, location. The best place that I can think of is in the parking lot of a hospital near the ER entrance. Being that close will probably negate the need for someone calling 911 or an ambulance and ER personnel could just bring out a gurney to my car. I will be in the passenger seat wearing a Depends. ;(

I think the best time to try this routine is just after midnight, when the visitors and second shift nurses have gone home. Still in my zeal to be discovered within twelve hours but not sooner than two, my timing has to be right and does rely a lot on luck.  Maybe I could rig up an alarm clock to flash some lights?  Probably the best thing to do would be to park at the far end of the lot that does not get filled up so quickly.  Another possible monkey wrench, is that the hospital does have security vehicles that drive around the outside of the hospital. I have no desire to stake out the place for a night to see their timing.

To the other people on this list that are considering ending it all, I give one piece of very good advice.  Absolutely do not do a thing or make any plans before reading the book  “Final Exit” by Derek Humphry (third edition or later – 2002).  I repeat – absolutely read the book first. It can be ordered from any book seller.

If I seem to have overlooked anything please leave me a comment.




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lucy4 1/9/2012 - 3:59 pm

A motel room might not be a bad idea. You’d get discovered by the morning cleaning person, and you’d have plenty of privacy for 12 hours or so. I would also pay by credit card; that way they could deduct the appropriate amount for clean up/disposal.

deadright 1/9/2012 - 9:43 pm

Lucy4 – I had considered a motel room but the rooms do not get cold enough; for reasons I have given elsewhere.
Thanks for the ideal. It certainly would add a air of comfort to passing on.

causeway 1/9/2012 - 4:15 pm

Hey, DR, I don’t want you to go. I’ve read all your posts and enjoyed them enormously – they’re all shot through with the sort of self-deprecating humour I love.

So now you know, at least one person will miss you.

deadright 1/9/2012 - 9:38 pm

Hey lostcauseway, my humor is inbred by my parents and early upbringing in Pinner Middlesex and Eltham.
A lot of people that I know here in the states just do not get it, but to me it just comes naturally. It must be a Brit thing even though I have lived here in the U.S. over 50 years. Cheers!!!

Dawg 1/9/2012 - 5:27 pm

Make that two people – DRs wit and subtle sarcasm makes me look like a grammar school student. although many here could stand to lean from his no nonsense, deliberate and thoughtful trip planning. the one thing you don’t want to do is act rashly and out of emotion – something always goes wrong.

DR – if you catch the bus – i wish you well my friend

sadly happy dawg

deadright 1/9/2012 - 5:48 pm

I will drop a line here when I am within a couple of hours of catching The Last Train to Clarksville (song by The Monkies.) I have already purchased the ticket and packed my emotional baggage and so long as the train does not derail in mid trip, I will not be making any reports after boarding the train. IF, HOWEVER, something unforeseen happens, I will make a report here to let everyone here what the “F” went wrong, or right, depending upon whose point of view.
Dawg, it has been a pleasure reading your posts.

mwtele 1/9/2012 - 5:51 pm

Well DR…Wishing you the best. Live or die will be decided soon enough.

Dawg 1/9/2012 - 6:00 pm

ha – I know the song well DR

If you get on that Train – make sure it’s not “Old 97”

Wreck of Old 97 – the man in Black – johnny Cash

old 97 dawg

unclemeatrc 1/9/2012 - 6:22 pm

Here’s a thought that might help and would allow you to do this in the comfort of your home. There’s a type of software you can install in your computer called a “dead man’s switch” that causes certain things to happen if the user doesn’t login for x amount of time… you can have it delete certain files or send out an email to whoever you expect to find your body. Just a thought.


deadright 1/9/2012 - 8:47 pm

Thanks, I will look up that software. DR

uttilini 1/9/2012 - 6:42 pm

I keep thinking that if you worry about what is going to happen after you die as in when you’ll be discovered that you really don’t want to die. I could be wrong certainly but it seems to me that you really just want to escape pain more than you want to actually die.

deadright 1/9/2012 - 9:22 pm

You misunderstand my reason for being discovered. I have no expectations after I pass away… I am going nowhere when I die; no heaven or hell, just like turning off a light switch, things will just go dark as I sink into non-existence. There will be no judgement or reward so I have nothing to fear. What I am however is reasonably considerate of others and would not want to expose the person discovering my corps to a vision of some smelly bloated carcass. I am also a potential organ donor, and since the temperature is forecast to be in the forties, if the length of time between me going and when I am discovered is only a few hours, some organ transplant recipient could get lucky with my demise. That gives me some pleasure now.
I really do not want to live, unless of course I hit the lottery for a million or two, in which case I would allow myself to die of natural causes. :0 Total lack of money to support myself is one of the prime reasons for my departure in addition to old age, some health problems causing me discomfort, and the fact that if I do not go this way, I will die of boredom since nothing is much fun anymore. ;( This is the way that I view it. The older you get, the less reasons you need to kiss it goodbye and the less you have to consider others. I have done all the considerate things that I want to do for others, and now is the time to think of myself. To all the people that think that a person should stick around even though they are in mental or physical pain, I have only one thing to say. “It is you that is the selfish bastard for wanting me to stick around for your entertainment.” As they say on the streets F U M F. “You cant please everyone, so you better please yourself.” (Garden Party – Ricky Nelson)

molly woppit 1/9/2012 - 9:35 pm

Hey dr you sound like youve thought it all out and dont want to cause anymore grief in your exit than if you stayed.i too have been down that road and im still here no matter how well or what lengths i went to someone always fucked it up for me,ive tryed secluded places with a no fail cocktail from final exit only to wake up a month later from a coma.what ever you do i hope it ends your suffering what are you suffering from if you dont mind me asking?oh and if you are a organ donor they probably wont be able to use you do to toxins in your body im just saying,i climbed a mountain and sat on the edge of a boulder with a huge bottle of benzoes but everyone came over to say hi and it fucked me off so i came down -christ i give up maybe im unsure also

deadright 1/9/2012 - 10:11 pm

Molly W. The only pills that I will be taking is two Ambien. The Gas, according to “Final Exit” and other sources, do their job in five minutes and stops your brain and heart that feeds the organs. The way I look at it, I have about a 50 / 50 chance of leaving viable organs due to the cold and the fact I will be taking off my coat as I get ready.
I also have a skin pen that I got from the hospital, that they use to mark medical notes on the skin before an operation.
I will have written. “Organ Donor – Take them NOW.” and “DNR” I will also have my final living will taped to my arm so there will be no question about contacting next-of-kin for permission. I am a rather careful planner. You should see me organize a party. 🙂 Thanks for the advice. It is always appreciated.

lucy4 1/9/2012 - 9:47 pm

@dr; Just trying to be helpful. You could also pay for your final expenses in advance. I paid $!200 or so last summer for cremation & scattering of ashes at sea.
This way no family member will get stuck with a bill. I’d like to die with an excellent credit score. 🙂

deadright 1/9/2012 - 10:21 pm

Although I have not informed my sister of my intent in advance, I will be leaving about a 12 page letter for her explaining everything and also signed papers giving her power of attorney and access to my bank account. Everything is ready, all she has to do is sign the papers and return them to the bank, by which time my last SSI check should have been deposited that will cover final expenses. Thanks for the advice. DR 🙂

Dawg 1/9/2012 - 10:17 pm

Wow DR … talk about getting down to the minutia = well done! … although I’d consider more sleep aid and anything that will depress respiration – but that’s me

keep us posted – if possible (i know you said you would)

peace dawg

mwtele 1/9/2012 - 10:30 pm

DR…I have read Final Exit and that is a book that must be read before leaving life. It is very informative and looks like you listened to a lot of what the book said. Glad to see the end of your pain and loneliness is right around the corner. Sometimes there is just no other option. Best wishes to you

crying on the inside 1/10/2012 - 1:20 am

What method are you using?

deadright 1/10/2012 - 8:38 am

Crying on the inside. Since this web site forbids describing details of any way to end your life, I cannot give you an exact description. However, I can tell you I will be using the plastic bag method with inert gas as described in the book Final Exit by Derek Humphry (second edition) page 130. I like this way since after thoroughly researching all the various methods, this is the way that would most closely resemble just going to sleep with no pain, no trauma and no throwing up as you can get with some pill overdoses. 🙁 I hope this answers your question enough. Don’t forget, there is no real rush, take your time do some research and plan, plan, plan your exit carefully. Just before you are ready to go and have settled on a method, one last time you must ask yourself again, “Is this what I really want to do at this time?” Some things just naturally go from bad to good if you give it enough time. Usually there is no rush to go. Live a little, before you die a lot. 🙂

Amakua2309 1/10/2012 - 8:41 am


can i borrow and quote from your last couple of lines????….hmmm….i’m impressed


boer58 1/10/2012 - 11:54 am

Are you grandstanding?

ParadoxMind 1/10/2012 - 1:26 pm

sounds like you have thought it out very carefully, well done for that. However, I do so hope you find something worth living for…. there is often something around the corner, if you look deep enough 🙂

Bogi 1/10/2012 - 6:09 pm

THIS IS the saddest post ever. Please don’t take yourself away from this world. And now you know that another person will miss you. A lot. I have enjoyed all your posts, and I know how it is to feel like you don’t want to live anymore. Please, try to live. People have survived, and you can be another one. Please, do not die. Make a list of people who will miss you, and mourn. Make a list about the pros and cons of this idea. Please, try this for the people who need reassurance that it is possible to survive depression. It is, for I am living proof of that. Please, try this.

Bogi 1/10/2012 - 6:09 pm

But then again, sometimes there is no other answer.

Dawg 1/10/2012 - 6:16 pm

DR has weighed and measured his life and has debated and deliberated and has come to a very informed decision. pleading won’t work with him – he is a rational, good and honest man who has taken stock and determined his time here is done – i hope he finds his peace.


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