Hi, let me start by saying that I am NOT suicidal. However, I have tried to commit suicide when I was younger a few times, but, I never actually tried to where it’d actually put so much as a scratch on me. I also often want to die… But honestly, I just don’t have the balls to do anything… And I also thought about if, I fail, and wake up in a hospital, get better, have to go to therapy, people ask me questions, all that shit would piss me off.
Anyway, what I came here for is to have a place to rant and just let go… I’m tired of trying to find ways to cope with shit when everyone says the same fuckin thing, “keep your head up, it’ll get better!” No, no it won’t. I’m fuckin sick of everything. I have on and off depression. My life has been like a valley of deep-steep mountains with a short trail going up and then an endless downhill that goes into a dark, bottomless pit. Things only get worse and never better. Idk how to describe it but it’s mainly a mind and time issue. Not only that, but I have split-personality and I think I may be bi-polar. My mind is all cloudy, always cluttered and troubled. I can’t get over the past, and my future looks black. The only outcome I can see is death… I don’t have many friends left and I’m not too fond of my immediate family. I’m sick of being bound to reality and not a damn thing works in my favor. I lost the love of my life a few years ago, we’re still in love but due to some circumstances we can’t be together. Whenever something seems to finally look up or I put together a great plan it takes a hard left to butt-fuck nowhere. Something has to always fuck up. Due to a series of extreme unfortunate events I lead a very dull life. The same fucking routine. Nothing good ever happens to me. I keep on praying but nothing changes. I’m so alone, and I hate it. I used to be a lone-wolf and love it but I broke one of my own rules and got too fuckin attached to people. I’m so angry and depressed all the fuckin time. I’ve been troubled ever since I was a kid. Ever since I was born, my fate has only brought misfortune. I don’t live, I just survive. I have no purpose and I don’t care what happens anymore… I just….want it all to stop…. I want to start my life all over… Why didn’t God create a reset button to life…..?
2 comments
Its funny how many people you can come across with the same problems. I also have a split personality but the difference is i have tried suicide many times and you right it just adds even more pain to the fact that you don’t suceed. I wont go on with the details but something you can do to help you.
In your head make a list of every good dead you’ve done. Small or big it doesn’t matter because every little thing count and its these things which allow us to move forward in life knowing that we are helping someone.
Hang in there
Shadows
Your my fuckin long lost twin <3