Title says it all.
I’m not saying that SP should be all gloom and doom, but lately, it feels as though no one is really reading the stories of people anymore. From my understanding, this is a site where people type up their stories (stories which, btw, sometimes take a lot of courage to even remember) and hopefully, someone out there in the world wide web acknowledges that someone still bothers, no matter the problem. Most of the people who post here just needs to feel reassured that someone might still care, when in their own real life, it feels like no one does. I perceive this site as a symbol of hope for some, no matter how corny or farfetched it might seem. I’m not singling out anyone here and I’m glad that you have made friends though this site, and I understand that for some, this is the only place they can converse freely. I just feel like some of the conversations can be taken up elsewhere. I dunno. Maybe I’m just being moody. Oh well.
56 comments
You’re absolutely right.
No, you are absolutely right. Now I feel kinda bad. I still read stories everyday. A lot of the time I have no idea what to say to some people. I am still in tough place myself, and it’s very hard to draw inspiration to give to someone else.
It seems kind of hippocrytical to give somebody else advice when I may be more f#@ked up than them. I don’t respond to a lot of posts because I have no magical words of wisdom. It’s great to listen, sure….but how does the writer of a post know that a lot of people read something and nobody commented?
Hi, and I think you shouldn’t feel bad. Sometimes, I read a story and I sit in front of my laptop for hours, trying to think of something to say, but end up failing. It’s so hard sometimes to try and encourage/discourage others when I myself am not feeling all that great. For me, it feels a bit hypocritical to leave a message of hope when I don’t feel all that hopeful myself.
Yeah, it is hypocritical. If you want to go even further you could say that any advice from one suicidal individual to another would be hypocritical. But it does help sometimes. If you just read a post though and don’t know what to say, wouldn’t it be silly to just comment, yeah, I read this, sorry have nothing to say?
Hi Disastrophy, yeah, I totally agree with that. Why try to sound so hopeful that it gets better and yada yada, when you don’t feel that way yourself? It’s very difficult.
It’s funny how 3 different people all said pretty much said the same thing, but hit the “submit comment” button a nano second apart.
Yeah, I guess it is funny. But it’s true. I always feel this twinge of guilt anytime I get into some stupid conversation on here. Because I know people are being neglected.
Our own personal problems seem like a global crisis. Despite the fact that there are Billions of others on the planet.
Self-absorption, comes with the territory.
Hi,
Has everyone abandoned the hijack thread?
Yup. Self-preservation. Even if you’re depressed, laughing still feels good. (Although it’s not much good to others. Who cannot laugh). I’m just gonna lurk for awhile.
Hi Duke, um, I don’t know. But I’m not about to hijack Disastrophy’s thread.
Thanks disastrophy for pointing out what I already knew in my mind, but didn’t listen to.
Yep, that is true, lucy. I’m gonna go to bed.
G’nite. I’m putting on my Gumby jammies soon, too.
about the part where you said ‘some of the conversations should be taken elsewhere’,,, well,,,, they’re pretty much the blood of this site…. without em this place would be……. depressing….
Goodnight, but where I am it’s good morning.
@ X-Boy; Many people here are thinking about ending their own lives. That’s kinda depressing all by itself. The random optimistic freaks…uh, I kinda like them too.
I saw going to say the same thing yesterday but figured I’d get flamed for it. This place has changed dramatically since I came back last year, and not in a good way.
was going to say the same thing*
Wow,
Those that can…. do….those that can’t ….talk about it….lmfao.
Come on guys….lighten up on yourselves….if you respond to one post…maybe help out one other soul….even once a week….you’re doing more than most….
but when you’re hurting…you’re hurting….if you have nothing left to offer others….you have nothing left to offer others….why the self-bashing on this post…
when i can i help…..when i can’t….well you all know what happens when I go walkabout….lol….but the camraderie is an important part of helping the helpers….wouldn’t want it to end because of a wee guilt trip…..nope…..
WE CAN’T HELP OTHERS IF WE CAN’T HELP OURSELVES!!
the truth
Amakua
Nobody should feel bad about giving advice. Because any intelligent adult will be able to distinguish that advice as just another opinion, and know within themselves whether it is relevant or not.
By the same token, no one should feel obligated to give advice either. because for a lot of people here, if they wanted advice they would go to a therapist… or write a letter to the advice column of their favio=ourite trashy magazine. Sometimes it’s just enough to be heard, so just posting here and knowing that people see your thoughts is enough.
But yes, SP is different. for better or worse, I’m undecided. But yes, sometimes I feel like the one on one conversations could be taken to a more private forum like chat or skype, for fear of alienating others.
Hey one_day,
Nice to see you again….that being said…must disagree with your last statement….I learn from others as well….so if something trips my interest….i read the entire post…including any and all long-winded(mine) comments…and often there is some good advice that everyone should see….if it was private…nah….share i say….no one has to read anything they don’t want to….or participate in the circus posts if they don’t want to….just don’t take it personally unless you want to and join in….those type of posts are for the helpers who need help…..to everything there is a purpose….let me know what you think of my opinion.
Namaste
Amakua
@amukua no you misunderstand… I mean, when the conversation turns to mundane personal conversation that bears no relevance to anyone outside of the few peopl involved in the conversation that is the point when it should become private. A small examPle being a long time ago when people started flirting all over the place, commenting on threads just because their friend had commented, without even bothering to read the original post. People got annoyed. Personally I remain Switzerland far be it from me to police this forum. But obviously looking at this thread sone people are a bit unconfortable so I think its a good idea to b sensitive to that. How r u? I will b round more next week, just wrapped on a fairly intense job so will have more spare time later
Nice example
hey one_day….being lazy….comment i just left on another post…lol
Those days will return soon enoughΓ’β¬Β¦.but right nowΓ’β¬Β¦.a lot of the helpers are feeling overwhelmedΓ’β¬Β¦.myself includedΓ’β¬Β¦.but donΓ’β¬β’t want to disappearΓ’β¬Β¦we still are helpingΓ’β¬Β¦but in a different wayΓ’β¬Β¦seriouslyΓ’β¬Β¦.helping each otherΓ’β¬Β¦.or rather trying toΓ’β¬Β¦.some hard cases on this siteΓ’β¬Β¦.and sometimes the chatting is the only thing that keeps them coming backΓ’β¬Β¦the sharingΓ’β¬Β¦.but not too deeplyΓ’β¬Β¦.itΓ’β¬β’s all goodΓ’β¬Β¦.and when we feel betterΓ’β¬Β¦.we do betterΓ’β¬Β¦.
That being saidΓ’β¬Β¦if youΓ’β¬β’re feeling betterΓ’β¬Β¦.why not get out and doΓ’β¬Β¦.change the site to your likingΓ’β¬Β¦.just sayingΓ’β¬Β¦.anyone that shows up for helpΓ’β¬Β¦.an earΓ’β¬Β¦a chatΓ’β¬Β¦some understandingΓ’β¬Β¦.some adviceΓ’β¬Β¦.atleast they are hereΓ’β¬Β¦.we just donΓ’β¬β’t all need the same things from this siteΓ’β¬Β¦..hence the diversity of the postsΓ’β¬Β¦.
blah Γ’β¬β i talk alot
Amakua
I’m doing much better today….been a really tough couple of weeks for me….and you guys helped me stand…..will return the favour when i am able….but sometimes….need to not share so much….but still want to know how everyone else is doing….this is my explanation for my behaviour….thanks so much for asking
I hope to see you around in the next week more….you are insightful and i enjoy reading your posts and comments….would love to know more about you though…lol
Nosy Old Sponge
Amakua
@amukua like I said not my job to police this site. I think it’s organic, things change and evolve according to what suits the needs of the people at the time. Hopefully everyone finds a space for themselve in relative harmony.
Goodnight all, crashing out but will b round more next week
Well said amakua … you kinda read my mind (without the dawg attitude). That said and in deference to One_day’s concern … that’s why many here have taken to creating separate threads for idle banter and chat in order to not crap all over someone’s real post.
not everyone is tech savvy enough to figure out skype and chats etc. and some don’t have the hardware/software capabilities … which brings an interesting question to this site … do you add a chat feature or not? On one hand it would be a great way for a group to have a mundane conversation … but on the other hand it would diminish the more detailed and personalized posts, responses and analysis and in a chatroom-style forum some folks who really need help/answers/advice would get tragically ignored … I think as long as the idle banter is contained to mission specific threads created for such then it harms no one and keeps the integrity and intent of the site.
Congrats on the success of your job One π
dawg
Good Morning Dawg,
Thanks for the kind words…does this mean you still kinda like me?…lol…
loved your ideas in the second paragraph….you are sooo smurt…lol…..still would like to ask you a question….could you drop by my place….The Land of Oz…when you’re not too busy?….thanks
Love ya
Amakua
Crap. I’m not drunk any more so I’m going to stay up a bit until the sleeping pills kick in.
@dawg, it’s nice that you create seperate threads to not hijack others.. but just wondering… and this is not neccesarily my personal opinion, just a possibility… does the fact that a few people having an exclusive conversation deter others from commenting/posting/getting involved? No matter who’s thread it’s on..
If not skype or chat… in the words of Dr Doolittle: ‘use email’. I don’t think being un tech savy is a good excuse… I am fairly un tech savy myself! But i think if people want to chat, it’s easy to work it out with msn or skype rather than adding a feature to this site, which is already clunky enough.
Thanks for congrats dawg… but success? well it’s over… congrats to me if i’ve done a good job I will be satisfied in knowing I’ve contributed to boosting the sales of a fairly well known sri lankan tea company… How is your job going?
iono to me them chats lighten up the place, it would be kind of sad if they suddenly dissapeared,
Hi One – sorry if I killed your buzz LOL
work is work … but better than not working π
most of the conversations in question involve multiple people … anywhere form 3-8 that i’ve seen which makes email unrealistic option … you also have people jumping in and out at different times so these types of “Chat” threads make it easier for folks in different time zones and schedules quickly find “the group” … one thing I have noticed is a very open and receptive feeling among the participants so I disagree with the feeling that they are exclusionary … that said … I do know that some people “take’ things wrong and may “view” them as such … but sometimes people need to learn to take a chance and put themselves “out there” … around here I find the more they reach out , the more likely they are to find someone (usually several) to reach back
dawg
@dawg – yes of course there is a warm and receptive feeling… amongst people who are already involved in the conversation. How are you to know how the people who feel excluded are feeling? they are not inclined to post, because they are feeling excluded, so you don’t know what they think!
Like I said, I have no personal preference here either way. But you can’t ignore that just that fact that this thread exists does indicate some people are not very happy with how it’s going. Also the fact that there has been quite a few of these kind of threads going up in a relatively short period of time. This NEVER used to be a topic of discussion on SP.
ok I’m out – sleeping pills kicking in! peace all, have a great weekend.
hmm.. thought just occurred to me… i just find it strange that people would WANT to have a pedestrian conversation publicly online… I am old fashioned and I don’t really like the whole world hearing my conversations, don’t matter if they are of a personal nature or not. I hate people talking on the phone on the bus. It’s unclassy. No need to disturb all these other people with mindless chitchat. Also I just finished reading ‘Blind Faith’ by ben elton… it’s about a dystopia influenced by reality tv shows, where EVERYONE is encourages to pour out every single emotional reaction in as public a way as possible. It’s crass and makes the emotion insincere – of course now I am reffering to reality tv shows, not this site.
Absolutely. Yesterday I was feeling crap. I hadn’t been on the site in ages and by chance ended up talking to people on hijack thread. All my troubles began to sink to the back of my mind. Although we don’t know each other I have never read a comment criticising anyone or discouraging them. We all have something in common don’t we. The reason we are here. As someone greater than I once said ” the whole history of science has been the gradual realisation that events do not occur in an arbitrary manner, but there is a certain underlying order which may or may not be divinely inspired”. I actually regard some of you as friends and I don’t care if anyone out there called me sad for saying that.
Well I suppose this answers my question.
Guess that’s a no.
What was the question Protoryu….did i miss something…if so…sorry….let me know
Amakua
No amakua it was not in relation to you. You didn’t miss anything.
okay good…sorry…had to check…i am old after all….take care Protoryu
Amakua
@disatrophy you make a good point..i still look at other peoples threads and comment and i dont feel one or two threads such as hijack are bad at all.at the start it says all welcome how could you feel excluded?sometimes we are too negative and a hijack thread is just a bit of time out from feeling like shit and trying to focus on something other than wanting to die.im removing the thread this morning feel free to start another peace
Miss one_day already expressed what was on my mind lately. I have nothing else to say ‘cept, Disastrophy, thanks for bringing this issue to light.
I’ve been thinking about this, and I now have mixed feelings on the matter. I still agree that things have changed, and people are getting “ignored” every now and again. But, the frivolous banter threads have helped in pulling me out of my worse moods. So that I can then in return help someone else on here. I can not try to ‘lend a hand’ or words of encouragement to someone else until I feel alright myself. I still do ‘lend a hand’ at least a few times a week, which like amakua said, is doing more than most. Eh, I don’t know.
I feel bad about my frivolous talk so im trying to make amends for what my advise is worth…this site is valuable its saved my life i will try and help others in return..peace
@Disastrophy ..i must agree with you for the most part but also some people i guess just want to chat about everyday things with people they feel they have some connection with here. Idle banter whether online or in everyday life makes a nice chage from all the doom & gloom & seriousness, so its all good. If people can ‘connect’ with other people, be it online, here, there or in the real world, it’s all good. Ultimately, the value of life is gained when people feel connected to others. This they forget to work at.
Good post.
I personally have no problem with idle chit chat every now and then but when I see on the first page 5 people who posted their stories,poured their hearts out, who only want a little comfort and attention which have 0 comments and then see a “chatroom” with 300+ comments… gets a bit backwords from what I think this site should be.
But to each their own. In the end this site like everything has its evolutions and if talking about everyday things with each other helps some then by all means carry on. As long as you make each other happy….
But is this not what the site hoped to achieve, a sense of community spirit. We are healping each other and if you are thinking about ‘idle chitchat’ your not thinking about putting a gun to your head perhaps long enough to realis things might not be that bad. When people publish their stories the average number of comments has always been around 5 so nothing has changed there. But at least there is now a forum for people to talk and it’s not in Narnia, there actually a place on here called Oz where we are safe.
# helping
# realise
I meant no disrespect Duke, like my second half said if it makes you guys happy then I am all for it.
To those who want to live i’ll encourage them to do so.
To those like me who want to die i;ll remind them that there is nothing After death and wish them a peaceful and painless end.
I am just here on this site and other suicide sites to converse because offline they would try to send me away somewhere.
Im sorry to hear that UN, ie that others want to send you somewhere else.
Wanna chat, feel free.
lolz.. adastra, they want to send me to the mental ward.
been there, done that.
a friend has accepted it but it hurts her so I cannot really talk to her about it.
just so much easier to share online.
Hell, sure working for the UN can be considered crazy by some, but institutionalizing someone over such a point of difference is no excuse.
I say your fine and my judgement is final. Stay well.
π
I have no problem with frivolous banter or chit chat. I just don’t see why it has to be on a public forum. If I’m having a conversation with a friend on my cellphone, I don’t talk as loudly as possible on a place where people are trapped like on a bus and forced to listen to my converrsation whether they like it or not. I wait until I get off so I don’t have to disturb anyone else.
Furthermore… those of us who are trying to follow other threads are not able to because the comments page is being flooded. I just scrolled back 4 pages to try to find an old thread I was following and gave up.
As someone involved in these “cliques” and banter threads, I will say that I have to scroll back a zillion pages as well. It is not limited to people that aren’t involved in the banter threads. I have the same problem. You know you can search for specific threads on the SP homepage or for specific people’s comments on the comments page? That’s what I do. Or I just don’t give up and keep on scrolling, inconvenient, yes, but I do it anyway.
Hi everyone. Hopefully I didn’t step on any toes, and if I did, I apologize. I personally don’t mind the ‘idle banter’ that much because I believe talking should be encouraged, although I think that some of the conversations should be taken somewhere else. I know some of you who, when you first came to SP, were in a very dark place, but are managing thanks to the support of the friends you’ve made here. Of course it’s not wrong to talk about the “mundane” things in life, because that’s what friends do — friends don’t usually meet up and talk about suicide for hours and hours. And I do understand why everyone converges here — this is the place where you met each other, and it is an easy means to communicate in terms of time zones, etc. It’s also convenient that these convos are limited to certain threads instead of before, where random convos would pop at random threads that had nothing to do with the OP.
I have noticed though (as Protoryu pointed out), that for the past few weeks, new posts have been posted by people, a lot of them just needing comfort/acknowledgement, and yet not a single comment is made yet hundreds have been posted on a “chat” thread. Again, I am not pointing any fingers here, so please don’t misunderstand.
Basically, I guess what I’m trying to say is that SP felt more ‘open’ before. Also, I think that if you’re a person who has in any way been helped by the people you met here, then it is only right to extend that courtesy to someone else.
I extend that courtesy whenever I find the words. I did that several times today on here. And, phew, am I tired. Bed time for me.