I don’t know who I am, really. I don’t understand myself at times. Sometimes I think about diagnosis too much. Try to fit myself into a label. But the truth is, I’m a human being. I shouldn’t care about ‘what’ I am, I should care more about who I am. So what I lack some things most people have? For most part, I’m just as human as you are. I might be a little more logical than most of you, I tend to only use intellect and not emotions. I might be into some stuff most of you find weird (true crime, for example). But most of all, I might just think a bit different, feel a bit different, but I’m still human, and I have just as much right to live as anyone else. I also need to breathe, eat and I find interacting with other people rather amusing, even highly interesting.

And let me clear something right now. I am, in no way, planning on killing anyone. People seem to think I WANT to do it or something, that’s not true, I only fantasize about it. It helps me cope with the fact that those people wronged me. I also enjoy making those kind of plans to test my own cunning. You know, think of ways to get away with it. It gives me some pleasure to know I might stand a chance if everything would go as planned. It’s really something that gives me some confidence. And I’m planning on studying psychology, and work for the POLICE as a profiler to help CATCH killers, not become one myself! Really, one can use a, and I kind of hate this word, ‘sociopathic’ personality to do good! The motivation might be different than most people, but it’s not the motivation for an act that matter, it’s the act itself.

On a completely different topic, let me introduce you to my new friends. They’re named Crash and Eddie and they’re awesome little rats. One sits in the hood of my sweater, the other one sits on my shoulder. I’ve been playing with them all day! At first they were a bit shy, they kept hiding in my bed (they even peed there, I’ll have to change the sheets before I’m going to sleep), but now they’re just being really sweet. I even took them downstairs to watch Star Wars with my dad, the other pets don’t mind them, they mostly just ignore them. I don’t even want to sleep because I’ll have to put them back in the cage. But at least I’ll be able to hear them at night.

There’s one thing that pisses me off a lot. My psychologist thought it was a good idea to tell my parents I’m gay (with my permission of course), because I told them before and they didn’t really take it seriously. But now they’re just acting really annoying about it. The first thing my mother said is ‘I have a lesbian friend/colleague,’ (I know her and her girlfriend) ‘if you ever want to know something you can ask her’. What should I ‘want to know’? It’s like having ‘the talk’ all over again. She also makes really lame jokes like ‘maybe you should try Axe if you want all the girls chasing you’, which I really do not appreciate. I do not want ‘all the girls chasing me’, in fact, I think I’m rather happy being single. I have my rats anyway, rats don’t judge, and they certainly can’t break up with you.

Oh well. This post isn’t really structured and just jumps form one topic to a completely different topic. I’m not in one of my ‘well worded’-moods, okay? It’s rather late and my rats are fidgeting in my hoodie, so I’m not really concentrated.