Good Company

Hello Magic,
I am so sorry you are feeling this … I wish none of us had to…but there is purpose even in this. I am sorry to tell you that your children will be profoundly affected by your death…whether natural or not…and that you may be their one chance if they follow your path…some of these “conditions” are somehow passed on to our progeny….I am 50 years old myself…and have three children as well. What I have struggled to learn in my hellish despair…has helped them to learn coping skills themselves…and having someone that understands you and accepts and loves you is the greatest gift a parent can give a child…imo….we must lead and teach them by example…what example are you giving them?…I’m sorry…I know how much it hurts…I know how awful hopelessness and despair taste, feel, smell, sound and look like…I have fallen to all fours and howled out my pain uncaring who heard …howling is the closest thing I can compare this to…sounds and emotions that humans should be incapable of making or feeling…I know the dark night of the soul….but remember when they put your first child in your arms for the first time….that feeling of hope and light and wonder and awe and JOY?….that feeling is still available…you might have caught glimpses of it along the way…or maybe you remember the incredible expansion of spirit that took place when you felt JOY…like you were gonna explode and implode all at the same time….or burn in the light…and not care….cuz that is the closest we can get on this planet to the feeling of unconditional love…that is why we have children…sometimes whether we like it or not…lol

I don’t mean to make light. I feel your pain…..please share with us…we can’t fix you…only you can…if you want to…but maybe we can shed some light on your way….or hold you up for another moment…or another day….would like to try….you are definitely worth the effort….and so are your precious children…how old are they by the way….I had my first at 18 and my last at your age…35.

Namaste
Amakua