I remember the cold knife under my throat. I remember the masked man on top of me, thrusting, panting and his red eyes, forcing me to look at him all the time. I remember the hysterical laughter after it happened, when I went to see my friends. This date no one knows about it except of the shrink. I am now a twisted 25 year old woman/girl.. still fighting the demons and oh so willing to give up.
It all happned 3 days prior to my 18th birthday. Somewhere not far from home, where the water is always cool during summer and shady places. Somewhere I thought was safe.
Maybe God hates me. He puts me through all this. Maybe He hates me. I think He may be right.
2 comments
ok, im sorry for that painful story. i do not have much empathy however i do have sympathy to your struggle. Bad things happen to Good people. Remember you are 25 not 85 or 95. you have a long road in front of you. Be Strong.
-X
Hello Ghostflower,
That is exactly what you are doing….fighting demons…but they are yours…and I can empathise…molested before the age of 4…raped at 8…again at 15…and it continued until I was 40 in one form or another…that was my last suicide attempt…but the damage I did to myself…that is my biggest shame…and something that brought me to my knees as well recently….how I understood and accepted my experiences…and what I did with those beliefs. The only reason I am still here today…is because of a counsellor at the Sexual Assault Center….I have always fought back…I’m still fighting…just not myself so much anymore….I hope you can find some respite…even for a while….don’t let the effin’ pricks win….they want to destroy you….tell them to go back to Hell where they belong…you are not the same person anymore…and they have overstayed their welcome….seems simple right….but it’s not…but it is possible. Have lots of advice if you want it…a good ear if you can use it…but I warn you…strong opinions…lol Let me know…I really can relate…and have beat some of these very demons you speak about.
Namaste
Amakua