May God give me strength to overcome :)

I’ve fought everyone for so long. No I don’t need help. No i don’t need help. I’m fine.  I can only fight for so long. I think it is time to give in. I told my friends. My friends told our teacher. My teacher told the counselor at school. The counselor at school told my parents. Together everyone decided I needed to see a therapist, so my appointment was set. It made me so mad, that they were controlling it. I wanted to be the one to decide I need help. So I went to the appointment, I refused to talk. Obviously it got me nowhere. My friends took me to the teacher they originally told… she told me to make a list of pros and cons of going to the therapist or quitting. I did. We discussed it for over an hour. She looked at me “Sierra, you put to make other people happy as the only pro of going. Sweetie look at yourself. Don’t make others happy, make yourself happy..” She made me want to cry. I don’t know how to make myself happy, but I’m so good at pleasing others. After arguing about all the pros and cons for a long time finally I stopped fighting… and I listened. I sat there, unable to talk, and I listened. She made me realize that I’m still me, deep down I am me. I’m just sick for the time being, but I can get better. She said that everyone wants me to be better, to be happy again. Starving and throwing up is killing me. But something else is eating me away… I don’t talk at home. Not to my parents at all. It is destroying me, the silence. Tomorrow I have another appointment with a therapist, a different one this time. I’m going to give it a try. and tonight, I’m going to pray to God to give me the strength to talk. To give me the strength to get better. Although lately all I wanna do is die, I’m going to hold on for everyone who loves me. I’m going to get better, to be happy again.