Currently on the phone with my boyfriend about to kill myself…we just got into a big arguement. After breaking up numerous times in the past couple months, we decided that since we’re dating now, we’d keep it secret. In order to keep guys from hitting on me, i put on facebook that im in a relationship..he never put that he was in a relationship on his facebook though. So i decided to take it down after a day because i felt like people thought iw as lying about having a boyfriend. He got upset really fast and started being rude. The rudeness eventually led to him telling me to shutup in the middle of a sentence. I told him not to tell me to shutup and he went into a rant that said all i do is ***** and moan. How im annoying and that if i wasnt pregnant, he wouldnt want to be with me. I listened to him tell me that he could find someone better and that our year and a 3 month relationship was and is a waste of his time. I listened to him tell me that he should have listened to his friends when they said he didnt want me. We had plans for tomorrow and he said he’d rather hangout with his friends because all i do is ***** and moan about things…and when i started crying he told me that i was just being a little ***** and that i always cry now…its true..i always cry now. He told me that i should kill myself and that he doesnt care shit about me. He literally said “I dont care what happens to you, i dont care what you want, who wants you, or what you need” He said that im probably lying about being pregnant…I’m not. I went into the hospital for trying to commit suicide last week and found out that im 4 weeks. I said Anthony..you were the only thing i had to live for..he said i dont care..i said im sorry im so annoying. Im trying my hardest not to cry…im sorrry it annoys you baby im sorry..he said i know youre sorry. Youre not worth it..and i said i love you..and he said i know, youve said it like 12 times. I said you dont love me anymore? And he said youre fucking that up right now..i said cant you just say you love me back? And he said i dont feel it right now. I said i love you always and he said then stop being a stupid ****…he said youre getting too annoying to talk to and im tired cause i have people worth my time to hang out with tomorrow..i said i love you and he hung up on me..he called me back later and said im sorry. i feel like a douchebag now. and i said..its okay baby. I love you ..but he still couldnt say it back…and now he’s sleep and im still on the phone with him about to commit suicide…the only person that loves me..cant love me.
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I wish I knew some words to make you feel better…
Obviously even he himself recognizes he is being a “douchebag” – and I think I have to whole heartily agree with him. I wish you did not have to listen him say those uncalled for things…I think he does not understand you and is being insensitive about everything. I can’t really speak about love( never really been in it ), but if he can’t try to understand and support you( and not because he thinks he HAS to ) then I think he is not the sort of guy you want to base your happiness upon. Don’t let him hold you back and put you down( though I’m sure this isn’t as easy as said… ). Though at least he realized he was being rude and was in the wrong and apologized. I’m not all that great with relationships, but think about if he is the one to love.
People say love hurts and I guess that’s right – but I hope if you find he is not the one for you, that there are others more worthy of you.
I hope you don’t choose to take your life tonight…
Best wishes…
(Also take some of my stuff with a grain of salt, since like I said I have no experience with love and such… )
I’ve been through a rocky relationship where my bf would put me down and I would always apologize and try to make things work. It only hurt me to stay in the relationship. Its over now and i feel relief i feel like theres a little less bad and hurt in my life. But i wasn’t pregnant luckily because i can be free of my ex forever. What i can say is that being in that relationship isn’t good for you no matter how much you want it to work maybe its just not meant to be. I do know that you don’t deserve to be put down or have someone make you feel bad. You are gonna have a baby one that was made with love at some point and honestly i think thats what life is about because the love of a mother and child isn’t a love that ever goes away. idk if any of what i said made sense or helps but i really hope it does i hope that you feel better and that things work out for you however they are meant to.
True love is the practice of being unconditionally kind and gentle with YOURSELF in light of all circumstances no matter what. When you set up that dynamic with yourself, your heart is open to receive that good feeling, however you feel it. Love is what makes you feel joy, peace, and gratitude inside. We’re too busy trying to do things instead of focusing on ‘being’ happy within ourselves. It’s a conscious practice we all best choose which turns and shifts everything in a splendidly more positive direction.
That is the road less traveled. Good luck!