I’ll never figure out where I went wrong. Â At one point in my life, about ten years ago, I had most everything I wanted. Â A wife, home, and job. Â Then one day I lost my job and wife all in the same day. Â Since then, my parents have had to rescue me several times, which has cost them a fortune, and I had a good job, the plant closed, found another, also closed. Â After two years of looking (2009-2010) I finally found another. Â Most I’d ever made, greatÂ position. Â Lost that job about a 6 weeks ago. Â I think I’m losing my mind. Â I used up all my savings and money going on for 6 weeks since then. Â I have nothing right now. Â I’ve developed a “social anxiety” disorder (I was told.) Â I’ve isolated myself from friends, family and everything else. Â I have a temp job that was supposed to start tomorrow, but because of whatever the hell is wrong with me, I’m almost sick at the thought of going. Â Even if I do, I still will be so far behind, I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep my car and apartment. Â I’ve had OCD and and some other odd things going on the last couple of weeks. Â I thought about going to a hospital, but if I do, they say it would be for 2 or 3 days. Â If I do that, even the temp job would be gone. Â I went into the mental health place today, and they suggested it, but I had to lie and say I wasn’t thinking about killing myself. Â But, I think, rather than go, I’m going to end it tonight. Â Even if I show up for it, it’s a temp fix, and I’m back there again. Â I barely made it through the two years looking for the last job I had, and I can’t do it again. Â I’m so screwed up in the head, I want to kill myself, rather than go, which is rough for me, because of my little social problem, and the thought that it’ll probably justÂ happenÂ again anyway. Â (losing it, or back to looking after it ends) Â I didn’t used to be like this, I was outgoing and social. Â Not anymore. Â Another thing is, when I was looking, I had a plan, to get help to get back out there, I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life alone. Â (I haven’t been with anyone since my wife.) Â I was making progress, then I lose it, again. Â I’ll be 44 in two weeks, and everything that I wanted is two steps back again, fading away. Â If my life is going to be like this, I’m not interested. Â I’m just tired, don’t understand what’s wrong with me, and don’t think I’ll be able to fix anything. Â I don’t understand why I’ve cut myself off so much, and the not wanting to go to the temp thing, because of my “social” problems, I’d rather die. Â I keep looking at the clock, seeing the time before I have to go to it. Â I’d go for help in the hospital, then if it’s two or three days, and by some miracle, if I felt better, even the stupid temp thing is gone, and my phone, internet, and car insurance are gone. Â Catch 22. Â I don’t have the strength, and I don’t understand why I am what I have become. Â So, I think tonight I’m going to go ahead and do it. Â (It’s hard to get excited about the temp thing, in a couple months, I’d be back looking again, and the thought of going is making me sick – Pathetic) Â So, I guess that’s it.