I’m so angry. Â Angry to the core. Â No one understands. Â No one listens. Â I am holding on by a dwindling string. Â I told my dad and my close family friend about my problems. Â My mother told me I was being foolish and made a mistake by sharing my situation with my father. Â He wants to drag me to memphis, a very unhealthy place for me since a dysfunctional childhood there which i can never escape when i go. Â I don’t have anywhere to go. Â I can’t go to memphis, it would kill me slowly. Â I can’t stay here, it is killing me quickly. Â I can’t be with my brother or my family friend, can’t put that on them. Â I can’t get an apartment. Â I can’t stay on campus the way I am, though I want to. Â I want to go to a long-term facility but that can’t work either because it is expensive and my dad is convinced it is wrong for me. Â I can’t do anything and all I want to do is get out. Â He doesn’t agree with my choice in career and while that shouldn’t matter, it does to me. Â I just feel like I am going to explode. Â And my impulses are driving me to cutting with blades and knives and I can’t hardly stop myself from killing myself. Â How long can I stay glued before I break apart??
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
8 comments
You’re not going to like this answer… I can tell that you hate the idea of going to Memphis. MAYBE going to Memphis will help things. Here’s why:
– You said in another post that you were having difficulties with your medical provider(s). It’s fair to say that moving to Memphis would allow you to look at providers you may click with.
– It would allow you a change of environment… and it seems this -might- be beneficial to you. I understand that there are memories from your childhood. To be fair, your current location may also be impacting you.
– It may allow an environment in which there is more interaction for you. If your dad or others in Memphis want to help you, they may set you up for success. Perhaps this will reduce some stress on you.
“I can’t do anything and all I want to do is get out. He doesn’t agree with my choice in career and while that shouldn’t matter, it does to me.”
– If your current situation is impacting your ability to pursue your career (ie. your academic studies), then there is no dis-incentive to a location change.
I realize you might not like this answer… but I needed to honestly answer the question.
Yes, sounds very familiar to me. Your story almost exactly mirrors mine. I dont know what to do, whichever way I turn I can only see one way out but I have a daughter. So not an option, I do know one thing though my doctor is not worth a carrot.
Contact me if you wish
No one understands me either
Even on this site, some of the most depressed people to inhabit the earth,
Yet, I manage to find my own niche within that select group.
I don’t get angry though, I just open a bottle of beer and think to myself
I have now found something I am good at.
Memphis is a really bad place for me. I appreciate your input distant.road, I just know it is a bad atmosphere for me psychologically. I spent two weeks there and ended up so sick. besides that i have no friends there and no means of transportation to escape the house. And if I need hospitalization, the hospital there is nightmarish, or worse. I just can’t. If I’m going to survive, it can’t and won’t be there. Thank you for caring enough to write me that though, it means a lot.
Mary–family friend–has gotten involved. I don’t know what is happening from here. I am really worried because I am cutting all the time and I just can’t get a handle on it. My mom doesn’t believe that I am suicidal, even though I tried to tell her. She won’t take me seriously. Dad is taking it to the extreme and wanting me to move somewhere I can’t stand and leave school. I just want to die (for more reasons for that, mainly because I am sooo tired of fighting my brain) and I don’t know what to do about it to change that.
Short answer: You have to decide what works for you. That is, ultimately, the deciding point. Perhaps Mary can provide some insight and assistance… In the meantime, work on your strategy for moving forward… and stay determined.
no one will believe anything i say. i told my doctor that if there were pills at my access i would kill myself. i told her that i wanted to die. that i am suicidal. she won’t friggin believe me. neither will my mom. no one believes me. and it just makes the impulses worse
If the impulses get particularly unmanageable, call 911 or walk into a hospital Emergency Room. Any doubts your providers reportedly have should be minimized at that point. Part of addressing your situation is taking ownership… and taking ownership means that if somebody isn’t assisting you, you seek out and obtain the assistance you need.
i feel the same right now about where i’m staying-sometimes going back to a place where you were traumatized in anyway is just the last thing in the world you want to do. i understand the concept of going back to overcome your pain and face it,but sometimes it’s just way too much and it’s too soon,and you feel like your right back where you were when it happened,like it happening all over again. stay strong,we’re sending you lots of love. i think i know what you mean about caring what your parents think too-my dad has the worst temper and when he screams at me,it’s like i’m a little kid all over again,even though i know i’m not and i want to stand up for myself. it’s just because he’s my dad-i don’t think i can ever get out from under that hold. lol,with anyone else,i stand up for myself(you won’t like me when i’m angry:P) but with my dad…it’s just,i can’t. idk.