I don’t think I want to die. I don’t really want to live though. I’ve dug myself into a hole and I don’t see a way out. I dropped out of college twice, I lost my job, I tried to kill myself, I spent two weeks in the psych ward, I don’t have friends anymore. How am I supposed to bounce back from that? I’m starting from nothing and I don’t have the energy to do anything drastic enough to make my life better. I’m not even sure how I could do that.
Some people tell me to suck it up, stop feeling sorry for myself, and do something with my life. They suggest going back to school or getting another job. I hated school and I hated my job. I would rather die than go through that again.
Some people tell me to stop worrying, that I’m young and have my whole life ahead of me. They say that things will work out for the best. They can never produce any evidence that things will, in fact, get better. So I cannot believe them.
Is it possible that we’re just not suited to the cruelty of the world, and that the best decision we can make is to quickly remove ourselves from it? Is it at all feasible for people to take initiative and improve their lot in life, even though it involves a ton of factors beyond their control? Should a person who lives a miserable life keep trudging along, even when the situation is hopeless? What if we–the suicidal people–are the most realistic, and everyone else is a deluded, overly-optimistic moron?