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Psych Ward

Remembering those who fight

by SilentVoices
written by SilentVoices

I remember the psychiatric wards.

I remember the ice cold floors in the morning, and walking barefoot to the unlockable bathrooms to take a piss. Rolling out of the beds in a drugged daze for the nurse to take my vitals.

”How are you feeling this morning?”

”Fine.”

I remember the series of emotions that flow through me as I process my situation again- for the 5th day in a row:

How long am I going to be here for?

Oh God, I can’t believe I’m (back) here. How the hell do I explain this to everyone? Am I crazy? Does anyone even know I’m in here?

This isn’t so bad, right? […]

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God not another surgery

by rach
written by rach

My next surgery is coming in a week.  It is exploratory since doctors are still trying to figure out my body.  I am done.  I do not ever want to see another doctor, have another surgery, I am done.  I am unable to even try committing suicide right now because I am busy with commitments to the odd-jobs I do in the neighborhood.  I need these jobs as I am poor and can’t be turning down offers of work.  But I don’t allow myself to attempt suicide during these job commitments because if I failed and was placed in a psych ward I fear people […]

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Beauty Behind Pain

by AutumnMoe24
written by AutumnMoe24

There is just something about causing pain to oneself that is so beautiful. Cutting has always been my out. But it’s been taken away from me in a difficult way. 

Two years ago my life was changed forever. The person I thought was everything to me tore my heart out and never gave me a reason behind it all.  We had been best friends for 7 years and together for 4 years. We were always together for everything. After he refused to have anything to do with me, I decided to take things into my own hands. I was living on my friends couch because being […]

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I know I’m going to kill myself in time

by bluesforthesun
written by bluesforthesun

For all my life I have just passed from one painful absurdity to the next. And all along I thought, woe is me, I haven’t any luck in life; a life of a boy who was intellectual, creative, loving, and self-aware. As I came to adulthood, I came to the melancholic realization that I am none of these things, nor have I ever been. Even with every shred of sorrowful heartbreak and death of a loved one or a cherished emotion, from every punch in the groin to every stab in the neck, the truly, most dangerously negative force was my own sense of self. […]

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Went to the Psych Ward this Weekend

by whyohwhysky
written by whyohwhysky

Friend called the cops on me after I told him I was ready to die.

After that dehumanizing experience, I want to die even more. I learned that if I should ever attempt suicide, just let them find the body. My life has been ostensibly good lately: got a dream job, making friends, accepted to universities, yet I can’t get over losing  him. I never will. I really don’t know what to do anymore.

Even with all of my personal growth and success, I’m still not good enough for him.

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So Confused

by kissnm10
written by kissnm10

I hate how inevitable it feels. Like, I can pretend all that I want to be happy or that I have purpose or whatever, but it doesn’t change my fate. Like I’m destined for suicide. It’s what I always come back to, and it’s getting harder and harder to say no to it anymore. I don’t want to say no. I just want to be done with all this pain, and this world only dishes out pain. It isn’t going to end in this lifetime, so it’s like my only shot is in the next. But shit, I’m a Christian, and suicide is a sin. Will […]

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It seems like I always come back

by Toxic Influence
written by Toxic Influence

In early 2009 I started dealing with severe recurrent depression, even though I was undiagnosed at the time.  I’m sure many of you know what that feels like.  I felt like my life had no point, none of my classes were interesting, I didn’t want to hang out with my friends, and I just hated everything and everyone, especially myself.  All of these emotions just kept building up until I couldn’t deal with it anymore.  In September of that year I tried to overdose on sleeping pills.  I calculated what the lethal dose for someone my size would be, and took that plus a few […]

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It is possible

by beentotheotherside
written by beentotheotherside

I wish I would have found a site like this 6 years ago.  My life once so full of promise, senior in high school, on the dean’s list with a life of grander ahead.  Started down a bad path.  I think I’ve always been bipolar.  The highs are never better, and the lows can’t get any lower.  Started experimenting with drugs.  Found my drug of choice in pain meds.  I was good at hiding the pain on the inside with a happy face on the outside as long as I was numb enough to not care any longer.  The addiction got worse. Drinking and driving after […]

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Suicide in a psych ward

by kazukithreat
written by kazukithreat

I’m currently stuck in hospital, not sure when ill be released but they’ve kept me in here for 3 months before. I can’t wait any longer to do this so I’m just going to do it in here. problem is I’m a wimp with pain so want to do it as painlessly as possible. Not to mention the lack of things I could use to CTB with. my plan is to use the exit bag with valium (diazapam).

My question is, how much diazapam do I need? I don’t want to puke just lose consciousness. I’m going to start hoarding it and think I can […]

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Every Xmess the same old thing

by Magpiewontsing
written by Magpiewontsing

I was physically abused by my brother until I was 16 and left home. I admitted it to my parents, with whom I have always been very close with 3 years ago.

They claim to believe me. The claim to back me up. But after my last suicide attempt, after 3 days in 4 points in the ICU, when sent to the psych ward..they promised me certain things.

You see I uprooted my entire life on the West Coast to move back to the Midwest and help care for my sick father. He’s very young, only 65. But has a host of degenerative diseases. I went from […]

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Maybe “The Band Perry” has it Right

by foreverk
written by foreverk

More and more I think that “If I die young” has a lot of truth behind it.
Why doesn’t anyone listen when we’re still here to voice our opinions? Because it’s “all in your head”, “you just need to cheer up” and “focus on the happy things in life” OH why didn’t I think of that -_-. On the other hand, if I were to go back to those same people with a physical disgnosis like cancer or even a broken bone…. I’d get a lot more sympathy and a lot more support. How is this alright? The millions of people with mental illness have […]

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I just can’t keep it together

by NeverKnowsBest
written by NeverKnowsBest

I tried to kill myself on halloween, vodka and sleeping pills, the cowards way out right, i was rushed to the hospital then a psych ward. My outlook changed, my close brush with death maybe. its been a week since i lost my friend in a car accident, i heard about it 3 days after, im losing it, why did she deserve to die, i dont want to die but the voice in my head that left after halloween is back, i was going to spend my winter break with her now im going to be visting a funeral, i think its time to switch […]

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A Note To All Of You

by Andy2112
written by Andy2112

Please do not report me and get me taken into the mental hospital. I just spent 49 days and nights in the hospital over the summer and I had to self-catheterize on the psych ward in very unsanitary conditions. I contracted an infection immediately and had to struggle to get Cipro to treat the infection. This is my dilemma: I want to go to the hospital for the company of people, but it is risky for my physical health.

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is this my life?

by straykitten
written by straykitten

I used to think I would find love one day. Now I just think I’m unfit for it. I’ve never had a boyfriend, or a first kiss, or anything. I would even settle for a girlfriend at this point, if she cared about me. I’m not sure if I’m a lesbian. I’m so confused. Whenever I look at other women I think they are prettier and more appealing than men… but I still am attracted to the opposite sex. Does this make any sense? It doesn’t matter though, because I can’t even make friends. All my friends last for one semester of college, then I don’t see them again. I feel like […]

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My best friend.

by brookeeagan
written by brookeeagan

Hello to whoever is reading this. My name is Brooke and I am 19 years old. This is my very first blog in my life, not quite sure what I am doing. I wanted to start just because I am going through a rough time right now in my life and I want people to hear my story.

I want to talk to everyone about suicide. Suicide is the third leading cause of death between 15-24 year olds. Nearly 30,000 Americans take their own lives every year. An average of one person dies by suicide every 16.2 minutes. Crazy right? What causes people do do […]

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i’m just taking up space

by 000whocares
written by 000whocares

There’s nothing wrong with my life, besides the fact that I’m a useless leech. I’m 28 and haven’t done a damn thing with my life. I’ve always been told that it’s because I’m lazy, and I’ve accepted it. I’ve been sad for no *good* reason for most of my life (plenty of shallow reasons–too stupid, too ugly, too awkward, etc, etc). Attempted suicide once, many years ago. Woke up in intensive care to suffer massive guilt from my mother. My dad wouldn’t speak to me for almost a year after that–just flat out ignored me, though we lived in the same house. (Because of course […]

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Falling apart once again.

by MattN1991
written by MattN1991

So i find myself in my own hole again, im 21 years old and i’ve suffered from depression all my life as well as other disorders. i first started feeling depressed when i was a young child. The first thoughts of suicide that i can remember was when i was 8 and from that point i’ve been on and off many medications. I’ve had the ups and the downs and now i feel like im stuck in the down and i can’t get out. i spent a month in a psych ward in December and was released in January. i was homeless when i was […]

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The Mask

by gabe
written by gabe

I posted a while back explaining a lot of what has been happening that has driven me back into a depression i had finally escaped last summer.  I’ve been trying to figure out who i am to see if maybe i can convince myself that i actually deserve this life i’ve been given.  But i honestly don’t know who i am, and i don’t think i ever did.  I put a mask on when i was young so no one would see that i was slowly dying inside, and i lost whoever i was to this mask.  I feel almost no emotions anymore, i force […]

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Dead Person Walking

by trishab440
written by trishab440

Dead inside for a long time. Years. I want to go, but I can’t yet. Things get worse the longer I wait.
I only just discovered this site today and I’m comforted to see that many people think like I do about this subject. I guess I feel validated in a way…even “normal” in my thought processes about it all. Thank you for that!
I have two previous “attempts.” People said it was (I HATE this phrase) “a cry for help.” Actually I was too stupid to know that the drugs I used wouldn’t kill me and only land me in the hospital, […]

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