It’s been three years since i felt normal. Everything changed when i got depressed.
I thought it will be just for a week or a month but im wrong, its been long years and
im still suffering from this depression. It’s getting more painful everyday, and im
not that stong to fight with this for a long time. I dont want to die, I want to live
and do a lot of things but my depression is stopping me from doing anything. All
my dreams and goals in life fade away. I dont know what I want or who I am anymore.
Im not the only one suffering in my illness but also my family especially my parents.
I feel so bad for them that they have a mentally retarded son like me. I came to the
point where i ask myself, why i am still alive. I dont know the reason why im still living
in this cruel world. If we have a choice between painful life or peaceful death, why cant
I just choose death. When i was a kid i dream a lot of things and as time passes I did
everything to achieve it, and im getting near then suddenly this depression gets on
my way and completely destroy me. If life is not unfair, why do bad things happen to
good people, or should i say why me. I never did anything so cruel to other people.
Now, i lost everything in my life. No more self confidence, no love, no hope, and no
reason to still fight this depression. I surrender not because im a weak person, its
because I had enough of this pain and misery. I am devastated thats all I can say about
myself. I feel sorry to myself that I cant be whatever I want to be. I will be depressed
forever and just waiting for death to come.
3 comments
Purpose. That’s what you lack.
Find a source for passion that supersedes all other emotion and you will have discovered a sanctuary which shields you from self-destruction.
Get more involved with a local sports team, start reading fictional novels in genres that peak your interest, learn to play chess or poker, start a journey in an online RPG, etc.
I’ve been where you are. If you’re fortunate enough to reignite life within yourself, the idea of suicide will become completely alien to you.
Good luck either way.
YOU WANT TO LIVE, unlike me so if anything hold on to those reasons why you want to live. Find reasons in little things such as seeing some one you love smile or being able to dance in the rain those little momments are what make us hold on, i know they are never enough there is always more bad stuff than good but it helps. Dont give up. Yes getting involve can help but it has to be something you really enjoy something that you will get out of bed for even when you feel miserable, for me that is fencing every friday i go to my fencing club for 4 hrs i dont know how i am able to fence for that amount of time bcz it exusting but i do it bcz i love it. Your family loves you and they are trying to support you and yes im sure its hard on a family but i would not know about that bcz my family hates be, but if your family is willing to stand by you then you owe it to them and to your self to keep fighting, you fought it for 3 yrs whats a little bit longer going to do.
YOU WANT TO LIVE, unlike me so if anything hold on to those reasons why you want to live. Find reasons in little things such as seeing some one you love smile or being able to dance in the rain those little momments are what make us hold on, i know they are never enough there is always more bad stuff than good but it helps. Dont give up. Yes getting involve can help but it has to be something you really enjoy something that you will get out of bed for even when you feel miserable, for me that is fencing every friday i go to my fencing club for 4 hrs i dont know how i am able to fence for that amount of time bcz it exusting but i do it bcz i love it. Your family loves you and they are trying to support you and yes im sure its hard on a family but i would not know about that bcz my family hates be, but if your family is willing to stand by you then you owe it to them and to your self to keep fighting, you fought it for 3 yrs whats a little bit longer going to do.