I started cutting about three weeks ago. At first it hurt alot, then i realized that if you break a plastic cup into small pieces and fling it against your wrist it still bleeds and it doesnt hurt as much. I am so ashamed to be saying those words but I cant help it. I used to never be able to understand the people who said that they “needed to cut” and that they “couldnt go a day without it”. Now i understand because I am one of those people. I cant go a day or even an hour without thinking about it or actually doing it. It really pains me to look down and see scars on my wrists and hands. It doesnt help that i scar easily so a little cut will show as a scar. Whenever my sister asks about them i say it was the dog. I am so ashamed but I am hooked. I want to cut so bad but i dont want to be sent away if someone finds out the truth. I dont want to go to a hospital. I dont need it im already in counseling. My therapist said that my cutting is only superficial. It made me feel like what i was doing wasnt bad enough to be talked about. Obviously its not okay but i felt like she was shrugging it off like it was no big deal since they werent that deep. I just want to cut more and more. I get this overwhelming pressure in my chest and gut when i think about it and i dont do it.
I know i need help but im just so confused. I dont know what to do.
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3 comments
sometimes it helps if you draw lines on your arm with pen instead of cutting
Its so hard to stop. Whenever something goes wrong that is horrible (not just something stupid) i just have the urge to cut myself. I feel like it makes me feel better. Its literally like once i cut into my skin my troubles are literally leaving me for the time being while im cutting and i dont worry about them its like they leave and go away until later when they come back and then the cycle starts all over again.
Don’t panic. It is your choice if you want to cut yourself, but you can stop. If you ever feel the need to hurt yourself sometimes it helps if you close your eyes and count back from fifty. You can also try drawing yourself cutting yourself instead of actually cutting yourself. If your feeling really bad about it then telling your family may that horrible, but of course you don’t have to. It’s just something to think about.