I just joined this website and i made my first post a few hours ago, but it just seems that depression gets worse by the minute.
Being gay and catholic is not easy.
Being gay and really following any set religion is not easy.
I am losing my boyfriend and my closest friends because of my depression due solely to religion.
They worry about me all the time and tonight my boyfriend told me that he feels lonely.
When he said this, he cried and it broke me.
He is an amazing guy and he loves me so damn much.
I never knew love was like this.
He buys me things all the time just to put a smile on my face.
He takes me out all the time just so i keep my mind off of depressing things.
He cries because he wants me to be “normal” again. Â He misses the joy we both always had.
He tells me that he will never ever leave me because he loves me so much and he thinks i’ll get better.
I hate it.
I hate knowing that this wonderful man has to waste his lifetime on me.
He is basically babysitting me so i don’t take my own life.
I HATE it so much.
I hate that this man loves me unconditionally and i know that he would literally do anything for me even though i still remain sad.
My friend is  doing the exact same thing.
She tells me to come over just to comfort me.
Our closest friend committed suicide when we were all only 14.
I know the pain we went through was horrible, but i never knew that i too would one day want to end my life.
Instead of just having fun and going out for no reason like we used to, they both try to get me out of the house just to keep me alive.
Just to keep me happy.
It disgusts me.
I love them both so much and it is why i hate hate hate seeing them wasting their time worrying about me.
They are amazing people, they are love.
I am taught that God is love, but the sad thing is, i get more love from these two people then i do from religion.
I am taught God is love, but I’m also taught that i’m doomed to hell for living a gay life.
I am taught God is love, but the words of hate are the only words that spill out of MOST religious people’s mouths.
I am taught God is love, but i feel no love from him when i pray.
Sometimes i doubt God exists, but i sure hope he does.
I don’t want death to be the end.
I want to see my loved ones after death.
Honestly, if  heaven and hell are real and God actually does condemn homosexuals and fornicators to hell, then i would be sad and disappointed.
I would question God about everything, but if he sent me to hell, I know I would be with people who loved and supported me my whole life.
We might be in eternal pain, but we’d be suffering together.
16 comments
Perhaps God exists but religion corrupts? Remember that religion is just a system of rules created by man and we cannot believe that someone else knows how God feels or thinks. Religion is just an institution. You can love God and your boyfriend. Maybe not in that one church but somewhere. I’m not sure where you live but is there a Unitarian church near you?
Hi confused93. i’m so sorry you’re struggling so much right now. I’m a christian too. I believe God loves all of us,and we are all sinners. i don’t believe that being gay is any “worse” a sin than any other sin and i don’t understand why people portray it that way. i’m so sorry your hurting,and i don’t understand it either. i’m not gay,but i’m 19 and practicing abstinence right now and it’s really difficult. but me-being someone who has had premarital sex outside of wedlock-i’m just as much a sinner as you,and so is everyone else,even if all they’ve done in their life is tell one lie-we are sinners and the bible teaches Jesus is the only way for us to be redeemed,we need saving because we do struggle with sin,it’s a part of us.i think everyone struggles with different things. idk…i wish that i could say that i believe it’s okay,i wish it was okay that i had premarital sex,but i do believe and it says differently. one of my best friends is bisexual and i love her dearly…-it’s such a hard thing,but again-she’s no more a sinner than I am. I just want to give you a hug and tell you I wish I could take away all of your pain. no matter what,God loves you always. He loves all of us,and you are no worse than any other human-he knows what we’re going through and he’ll help us through it. i think we all struggle with different things-the devil doesn’t tempt us all and something you might struggle with i might not,but something i struggle with,you might not. idk…i’m so sorry this hurts. but God always loves you,you aren’t “bad.” we are all in need of God’s mercy and forgiveness because we’re all sinners.but we’re saved by the blood of Christ.please don’t give up on your life okay? you are worth so much,and you sound like a wonderful person who is full of love. please please don’t give up!! i’m always here if you want to talk,i’ll try to help in any way I can.
*the devil doesn’t temp us all the same way
just remember that Jesus died for you. even if it would have only been for you-gay,straight,fornicator,thief-whatever. He loves you dearly and you ARE worth it.
You can’t take life lessons from the westboro baptist church. God can’t hate you for being born like he made you.
If he did, then screw him.
But he doesn’t. God loves us, much like your friends to you, despite our shortcomings and failures.
Doesnt anyone else find it strange that people claim to know that god hates certain groups of people? As if they know the mind of god.
I’ve said before, and have been told, that you can’t just talk someone into a good mood. You can’t berate yourself for not being happy. It’s just not a good way to think.
We’re all tired.
We’re all in pain, from time to time.
Some people, more than others.
That being said, I find little hope in god.
That’s just my belief.
I find a lot of hope in my friends, though.
They treat me well when I feel bad.
If I were to lose one of them, like you did, I don’t know how hard I’d take it.
Pretty bad, I’d suppose.
That speaks a lot for you. That takes strength to deal with.
I hope you feel better.
I hope for a lot of things.
I hope you can try to take your mind off of these bad thoughts, but you have to try to be happy.
No one can do that for you.
Good luck.
I know you’re trying to help, but you’re telling me that being gay is a sin.
That makes me sick.
That’s what makes me want to suicide.
How is loving a sin?
We were taught that God is love.
All I’m doing is loving someone.
I’m beginning to have major doubts and I think religion is all hypocrisy.
I don’t want to get into a bible fight.
Especially not here, but telling someone something that is just depressing, does not help a suicidal person.
I know you mean best, forgive me if I came off rude.
no,i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to offend in anyway either,it’s not rude,what you said. i reall y didn’t mean to hurt you though,please believe that. i don’t really know what to say except that you sound like a really kind person,and that is the most important thing.i really was just trying to help with what i’ve been taught.
i guess i just was trying to say that you aren’t a bad person and you aren’t alone in struggling trying to live the way the bible says to live,that’s all i meant,i’m really sorry,i won’t comment anymore.
Love Who You Wish To Love, Thats Always the Correct Choice, Live By Your Heart and Mind, You Walk in The Light Of Righteousness When You Dont Hurt Others. Dear To Lose Your Depression, Just Appreciate His Love and Display Your Love For Him and Your Smile Shall Return To Your Face, he Adores you, Let Him Love you Endlessly. I Hope This Helps, Please Dont Hurt yourself We Care about You!
It’s okay, I’ve been told way worse.
That’s what bothers me christina.
You said “from what I’ve been taught”
See when I was little I went to catholic schools from k-8th grade.
I was baptized, I had my first communion, and I attended church with my family whenever they chose to go.
I always believed in God and as a child you’re main worries are quite dumb.
When I went to high school, I stopped going to church, stopped praying, just stopped acknowledging God completely.
A few months ago I started panicking at night.
“what happens when we die? Is God real?”
That weekend I went to church.
I hadn’t gone in about five years and I broke down crying at mass.
The following weekend I went to confession and the priest told me that God was calling me back to him.
This was so comforting.
So I was happy and started researching stuff about my religion.
I always heard what people said about homosexuality, but never knew what the bible said.
When I read it, my heart dropped.
I’ve been wanting to end my life since then.
How can I believe in God.
I was raised catholic, I was taught about an ALL loving God and now I learn that he really isn’t.
He created me gay.(assuming if he actually created man)
I know that I never chose to be gay.
So why make me to burn me?
How can I believe?
I’m sorry and this might be hard to hear but there is nothing wrong with you. There are about 9 million things wrong with the Catholic church. I grew up Catholic and I understand your desire to keep both your faith and your love but you’re dealing with an institution with a terribly dark past. Please-I can promise you love is a good thing and God would not want people to suffer for it.
i’m not catholic either and i have catholic relatives and strongly disagree with it as well,i’m a christian but am not catholic. i believe Jesus is the most important thing,his love for all of us-and living as he would’ve. i honestly don’t believe that Jesus would ever treat you the way some “christians” or people who claim to be christians treat you,with hate because you are gay,that’s always upset me so much,people who are hypocrites and point out things they believe to be wrong with other people as though they aren’t sinners themselves.get this stick out of your own eye,that’s how i feel anyway. i would never judge anyone or not love someone because they were gay,i have an aunt who is a lesbian and a friend who is bisexual,and i don’t think of them any differently than myself,we’re just all people. i guess i did that with your post as well- i didn’t think so much about your sexuality as much as sex itself-i identified with that,struggling with sex,i broke up with my boyfriend because i decided to abstain and not continue having sex before marriage,it broke my heart but i believed it was the right choice…i really was just trying to help and i meant my comments out of love. i would never want anyone to hurt and you are a wonderful kind person-i guess i was trying to help in the only way i knew how. but i would be so devastated if something i said ever caused you to hurt yourself,i would never ever treat you badly because you are gay or think any less of you ever,it’s really important to me that you know that okay? please just know that. i hope you find the peace that you seek. but don’t let anyone ever tell you God doesn’t love you,because He does.
Christina, if I do take my life, it surely would not be because of you.
Don’t worry about it at all.
You seem like a good person and I respect that.
I’m sorry if I made you feel like you hurt me.
I’m just extremely stressed and depressed and sometimes I take advice poorly.
You did nothing wrong.
Don’t worry 🙂
I really hope that you don’t take your life though. i know that i’m just some random girl you don’t really know and what i think doesn’t effect your life. but i think the world needs every kind person it can get. i’m on this site too…but i think we can all get through this together and help so many other people going through similar things to us. you could make such a huge impact in someone else’s life.:) k,*Hug* i understand and i don’t think you took my advice poorly…your hurting,and i don’t understand completely and i spoke insensitively and it was wrong. so..you reacted correctly to poor advice.:) hang in there. you have some really great people who love you in your life,and also-i think that if someone in your life does react like i did…i know it hurts. but they probably mean it the same way i did,trying in a misguided way to help because they love you. k,lots of love.i hope i talk to you soon,you have to stick around k? goodnight!
Dear confused93,
God does not mind who you love.
Religious doctrines have been created by men, not God, and are mostly to control people.
The only command that God gives us is to do everything with love and to forgive everyone who offends against us. All other commandments follow on from those.
How do I know this? Read the reports of people who have had near-death experiences. (Put ‘nderf’ or ‘near death’ into google and then follow your nose and read, read, read.)
There are many reports of gay people in heaven. Please start investigating and reading, and then start enjoying your relationship and then thank God that He has given you someone who loves you.
When you are convinced – then spread the word.
Dear confused93,
I must add –
God exists. Life continues when we have got rid of our physical body.
Please read the information that God is sending to us now.
Love as hard as you can – but it isn’t easy.