Love can kill.

Its funny isnt it when you find it hard to trust and love people, and the moment you do people bring you up just to let you fall straight onto the ground leaving you broken and  like you are  so emotionally drained you arent able to take another breath . After problems with love and feelingun accepted, i found a guy fell in love with him made him my world, unfortunetly love isnt a fairytale and this one will only have  a tragic ending, like in romeo and juliet i guess we were star crossed lovers, destined to die… well at least I am, the guy doesnt care. So here it is… i always strived to do my best in life, by best i mean be successful , good to others and most of all stand for morals. At some point i thought i managed it quite well… yes ‘ thought’ than i met a guy and we all know how it goes, you fall inn love and don’t see anything but him. I lost my virginity to him after a year of going out together, in the end we would always say how much we love eachother and how we would spend the rest of our lifes together. So here he was the man i decided to give myself up to in return for unconditional love which was ment to last forever. We split up, because i guess we werent ment to be…i wasnt always the perfect girlfriend always depressed while he was never the boyfriend type i guess, and i mean in the end i have only got myself to blame i expected too much and belived love exists. We split up a few days ago and ever since i just feel a little lower than i normally do, sucidal thoughts and plans on my mind.The love he gave and we had made me complete, there was something more than chemistry there, mutual understanding … and our souls bonded, but it left me so broken. Right now im looking at a reflection of a girl who lost her virginity to a guy who doesnt even love her anymore, i feel sick and discusted to be nothing to someone who i made my everything. Going tobed with someone wasnt just about sex, it was about devoting the rest of my life to a man who i was ment to grow old with. I always described myself as pour and angelic, now all thats in my head is how dirty and how much of a slag i am. The recent conversations dont help either, i was told to be a regret, dirty … got stooped from seeing his sister whom rang me this morning asking me to come over, in return reciving a slap from her brother as he couldnt imagine her ‘ taggling with such a person like me’. I mean maybe he is right, maybe i am a bad person, my mind is driving me insane. The love i have is killing me, the thoughts that i mean nothing to someone who i love, that i became nothing- that everything i ever stood for just doesnt exist. His words hurt me so badly, they have ruined me. I contemplate sucide because of many resons in my life , but splitting up and getting treated like trash when you love someone seems to be the final blow. I remember one time i confessed i would only ever let one guy touch me the one i truly love, noone else has touched me before him and i guess when i finally stop breathing and dissapear noone else will ever have the chance to do so, in the end you only love ones and i am readsy to die for love.