I just started dating my REALLY good friend-known each other for almost nine months now- and he lives in Egypt. He’s really sweet, kind, and I absolutely love his smile, but the problem-for us- is we have to date online. My family doesn’t really like it when I do that-date over the internet. Especially my sister.
The things that she doesn’t like? Well, to start off, his age. He’s really turning 20 in May. Saying that, I know everyone is going to care about that the most, just like Tiff-since ALL boys at 19 think of only one thing- but please just let me keep going.
Things she happy about? Well, since he’s older than me, she’s REALLY happy he lives in a different country and she either expects me to dump him or she’ll do something about it, like tell my parents that I really lied and say what his real age is.
Things that I’m taking into consideration? Here’s a list:
1-Everything that my family wants me to do
2-All the scary things that are happening on the internet
3-That my sister is totally and completely disappointed in me for dating him
4-Having my sister tell me not to worry about what other people want, just do what I want
5-Your thoughts-only if you leave them.
And I have been careful. I made sure to know him for a long time before even think of dating him, I web-chat with him, everything.
Because my sister is doing this to me, making me feel miserable, I just want to hurt her-BAD– or I just want to take my dad’s new cutting knifes and paint my wrists-WORSE– but you know what? I don’t give a sh*t anymore. I want to do what I want, but it’s hard to suddenly change after living like this for 4 years.
I know, I shouldn’t be whining about something so small, but I just want to know what to do before I even take the chance to slit my broken wrists, because I’m so sick and tired of the bull sh*t of others.
“Oh, just do what makes you happy. You shouldn’t do what others want, think about yourself first.”
then
“Why don’t you think of us? You should be thinking about us first. Grow up and stop being so selfish. You’re not the most important person on the planet, so get your head out of your a$$ and stop daydreaming.”
What do I do?
4 comments
hey. been there, done that. i know how it feels, a forbidden love. i went through the same thing with a boy–but i claimed that we weren’t dating. try that. “break up”, but don’t break up. the relationship is between you and him, and whoever else you choose to confide it to, but not your family members. not until you’re independent and at an age your sister approves of. tell her that you’ve respected her wishes and won’t date him, but would like to remain friends and will still talk to him sometimes.
how old are you anyway, if you don’t mind me asking?
turning 15 in june, but thanks for the help. i’ll see if it works, if he will ever forgive me for not being on all week 😛
I just don’t really see the point of having an online relationship. You can’t really be there for each other when you need each other.
The closest I experienced to this was a BF I met first in real life, we dated and lived together for 3 months, then I left the country. We continued a long distanced relationship via skype for 1 year, then he moved to my country and we lived together for another year. Now its over.
During the 1 year we were long distance and only communicating on skype, he was jealous, I was defensive, I felt obligated to skype him when I didn’t feel like it, that cut into my real social life, I would sacrifice my real friends to go home and skype him. I started to resent him for making me feel bad for not giving him enough time. I felt that I was experiencing all the shit of a relationship (guilt trips, jealousy, not having my freedom), and I wasn’t getting any of the good things (sex, support, someone to go with me to boring events that I’m forced to attend).
Even after he moved to my country and we lived together, that was not enough to heal the damage done during that 1 year long distance.
You will do what you want to do. But in my opinion, an online relationship is rarely more than a penpal. Unless you can make plans to meet eventually. Anyway, be careful. A lot of people online are not as they pretend to be. Not everyone, but a lot.
Thank you for your words, they have actually helped me by bringing me to realization. We’re not together anymore, but I still love his smile. I hope you find that person that will give you the things that you want/need, because everyone deserves happiness 🙂