That’s always a sad realization, the days blur and the usual sign of the sun doesn’t even represent waking hours for me anymore. I’ve felt lifeless and hopeless…my big dreams shot down. Moved up here to this new place so far from my family…from the plains to the mountains. Had a big fight with my wife a couple of days ago, she really ripped into me, made me really feel like a bum…but the thing that hurt the most is when she mocked my tears. That was too much…too much to come from the one I love. I refused to stay but she blocked my way, I pushed her away and ran out into the pitiful drizzle. Cold I huddled under a tree, and like a child I thought about how she’d miss me if I were gone. So stupid. I went back eventually and we agreed it was my fault ha…letting her win makes her feel better and I’ve been trying to keep her happier by helping her. But under that smiling helpful facade I’m still struggling. Try to find my chance to break out and move again…but my motivation is a flicker from the roar I once knew. I’m trying…I just remind myself to appreciate each breath and keep the thoughts of ending my story so soon away. Can’t be the end.
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I know that feeling when the sun doesn’t seem to respect your cicadian rhythymn and everything is topsy turvey and sometimes I feel like a goldfish in a bowl. because in the bowl you really have no persective. pathetic that the one thing I always fell back on the one thing that helped me make sense of anything my narrative my cubic restructure even that fails me this time. You are immaculately sensitive and outrageously truthful. I wish there were more currency in those things. For what it’s worth, I put alot of currency in your worth.
Ai
On the headline a few things: At times most people seems to lose track on the day – but that is normal and mostly just a little fun.
But after what I have tried then one can be in a state of mind where almost five minutes past is kinda blank – and at times even just a few seconds. That is bad.
Another thing in this you write is that you’ve got a very bad time with your wife. That is really bad because one’s spouse is someone one shoul be able to be able to rely on. And this seems not to be the case with you.
It is also very hard when it is someone in one’s home that kinda betray one.
There is a lot of bad stuff coming from bad relationships.
Some years ago I lived with a girl who did me absolutely no good. All kinds of trying to get me down. Twice I was even treathened with a knife (should that happen to you then back out and get away another time – heated quarrels between people in relationships are the cause of many murders).
Well, what happened to me in the end – when I was very much broken down – was that a friend had an appartment I could borrow (not knowing where to escape can make one stay longer and that is bad to be and feel trapped like that). Then I managed to sms some friends and have 2 help me move out (I couldn’t do that myself).
And no! That can’t be the end.
Even if you have no friends you can contact – but believe me good friends or family will help a lot if they know how much needed, and if they in any possible way can help.
But even if friends nor family can help, and you cannot find someone nearby either, then maybe we can help you out how to deal with it giving you some ideas or techniques to maneuver.
Now I don’t know what you quarrel about, but I guess it is time to move away from her. MOCK your TEARS is a sign of no good!
I stayed way too long!
(she was an alcohol addict and at times coke too – but it can be devastating to be out of love when it is not even appreciated for real – and it ain’t is she mocks your tears. Don’t trust her when she says “she didn’t mean it like that” or when she gives in and acts sweet).
As long as you can name the president of the united states and know what year it is, it will prove that you are not suffering with dementia.
Men are taught from very early on in life to hide their emotions. You crying infront her is so brave! If you were my husband I would never respond like that. Your wife is the reason why men don’t seek help, there is a stigma which is unfair! Gender does not dictate our emotions, we all feel the same way. You wife is very ignorant and needs to do some reading. I think you’re so brave.