being forgotten

It’s almost 11 AM and it’s a beautifully warm day outside. But I have been awake for hours and I’m still lying in my bed in my messy room feeling sad. Part of me really wants to go outside and enjoy the rare UK sunshine, but there’s something stopping me: i’m just really not feeling up to speaking with my family, or with anybody to be honest. And I know that this is stupid and lying in a dark bedroom feeling sad will just make it all feel worse. But I can’t do it… I can’t go out and pretend everything is okay and normal when it isn’t. I can’t pretend that I don’t feel unbelievably forgotten by them all. I just can’t seem to pretend anymore and it is killing me. I feel like as far as my family’s concerned, my whole bedroom- myself included- could just vanish and they wouldn’t even notice or care. I just feel invisible all the time these days and it really hurts sometimes. Makes me think that just taking my own life would be so much easier on everybody, especially the suicidal part of me who’s tired of being ignored stubbornly. I just want to disappear.