Cant take this anymore

i just cant stand this anymore. every day when i wake up 1st thing on my mind is wish i could blow my brains out. its been like this for about 4 years. future to me seems like lonely, very boring, long and mentally painful and im just 19 years old. nothing i can achieve can make me happy. i know i will live my entire life alone and in this same state of mind as im now. now i have a meeting whit a psygologyst i wish he will give me some drugs i could take whit large amount of other drugs and alcohol to finish this off. but im not really sure if that is going to work. last thing i want is to fail at my own suicide(or “saved” by some one!). been thinking about jumping in front of a train or jumping off of 9 storey bulding. that would do it but i cant do it to my friends or my family (too messy and i dont have the balls) so ive come to 2 options either overdose on sleeping pills and every other drugs/pills i can find+alcohol or short drop hanging. so my question is is there any chanche i will experience any pain on any of those methods? (heard that short drop hanging is painless after 10-30sec) and the pills im going to take should do the job? (sleeping pills(100), muscle relacsants(40), pain killers(200), some tougher pain killers lol (100)+0.5liters of 38% alcohol. i dont really like the idea of hanging even tough it sound pleasant way to go so i probably go whit the pills… so what do you people think? hanging or pills or both!? (sorry for my bad english im from finland)