Dealing with the new silence.

I don’t really know what to do anymore. I’m done with the denial. I have Meniere’s disease (self diagnosed), I can’t hear from my right ear, I probably never will and there’s nothing anyone can do. The doctors tell me i’m fine, my friends say it will pass,and when i try to talk to my parents seriously about it they get mad and say my hearings going to come back. I’m tired of it. I want to be taken seriously damn it. I just don’t know what to do anymore. All I really can do is wait to get blood tests,wait to get a hearing test,wait to go to the doctor,wait to be referred to an ent. I’m so tired of waiting. I just want this to be over. I’m tired of this. Just give me a hearing aid and send me on my way. I don’t want to spend months and years in and out of doctors trying to figure out why i’m deaf. I don’t care why. I’m deaf that’s all that matters. The thing is i don’t care that i’m deaf. I care that it’s so hard to be diagnosed deaf. It should be a simple. Doctor: Hey can you hear?” Me: “Nope.” Doctor:”okay your deaf.” All these apt and test are irritating. But what then. That’s what i want to know. After they diagnose me deaf and find out why what do i do. Nothings going to change. It wont make me not deaf. I don’t even think they make hearing aids for one sided deafness. Do I learn sign then? Well no because what’s the point I can hear in one ear. And i don’t know anyone who knows sign so that would be pointless. I get to live my life being half hearing and half deaf. Hearing people wont except me because I miss half of what there saying and deaf people wont except me because I could never understand how they feel. Either way I don’t know any deaf people. It’s going to be so hard next year in school. Trying to hear a million people talk at the same time. The worst part is my mom refuses to tell anyone in the family because she’s convinced it’s just going to go away. Ugh i’m babbling. It’s just I’m so scared. I’m literally crying right now. I feel hopeless. I tried hanging out with friends the other day and 2 of them got mad at me because i didn’t tell them i couldn’t hear them even tho i had told them a million times to talk to my left side. Then they decided to go on an adventure up a mountain to a chill spot and my ear got a feeling of pressure (symptom of meniere’s) then i had a drop attack (symptom of meniere’s) an they basically left me so i walk home with severe vertigo(symptom of meniere’s) then i threw up(symptom of vertigo) and then my mom picked me up. I just don’t think my friends are going to want to hang with me anymore because i cant do things i use to. I feel so alone…